the great scheme of education

the education system, simply put, turns us into rabbits. schools are like rabbit farms, and students compete to see who first completes the transition from student to rabbit. far-fetched? maybe, but i don't go making statements without backing (however skewed the backing may be)

let's see... rabbits are cute, docile and quiet. sounds familiar? they always run back to their home ground, their burrow, or their owner, when intimidated. just like how we're supposed to approach adults to solve our problems instead of trying to strike out on our own. oh no, it doesn't stop here.

rabbits have long ears. they hear very well. apparently students are supposed to be very well-informed, and to climb the social ladder in any school you also have to be amiable in a group like rabbits, who always congregate. long ears helps in listening out for rumours, gossips, whatever that may prove beneficial. triple-plated mouth helps in talking, proliferating such things.

oh, and let's not forget the red eyes, envy and steam coming out of their ears when someone does better than them. oh, and the short tail to. chinese saying "pulled your tail" when referring to someone identifying your fault or shortcoming. so the tail is short to avoid such instances.

in school, teachers like obedient, quiet, docile students. at home, parents like obedient, quiet, tame children. seems like since we came on earth everyone's trying to erase who we are and make us conform to the rest. if that's the case, might as well buy a rabbit and ease the pain of labour...

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sometimes you take a step back in life and find yourself such an insignificant speck. astronauts always have this feeling when gazing at earth from space. you don't need to go to space to do that though, just count the number of times you feel helpless and despair when things don't conform the way you want it. or heck, even when you KNOW it's spiralling towards its doom you can't do anything. life isn't kind sometimes.

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quote of the week:
"If you think you're indispensible, take a look at the graveyard and look at all the people there." - Lee (198x)

great advice, too bad these words weren't heeded by the person who came up with the quote in the first place.

better to be too concerned or not at all?

in this world, we always talk about "balance". it is the ideal, it's what we always want, but i highly doubt there actually exists such thing as balance. hypocritical mankind. well, we get what we give, i guess.
my parents are the type who constantly yells at me for every small detail. at times i'm thanksful for it. but at times i'm envious of those whose parents don't really give a damn. two extremes. like i said, there's no middle ground, and we're hardly in the position to choose. but i'm always curious to know, which exactly is better?

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i might soon start taking a leaf out of yijun's book (or in this case, website) although that form of hinting isn't really my style. still slightly too obvious for me. heh. which brings me to another point.

it seems i read people a bit too well. that good? not sure either. but it certainly helps in trying to feel out what people are feeling or experiencing. and it helps because most of the time nobody is gonna tell you that to your face. then again, there are some people who are easier to read than others, and some who hide them really well.
and i've been told i hide things well too. do i? i'm not so sure. but i guess if that's what ppl tell me i could take it at face value.

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getting pretty tired of RJ politics, really. too damn many all over the place. especially since we're in J2 year and it's that time of the year we choose for handover. singapore a meritocratic society? the education system a meritocratic place? pah, don't make me laugh. so much politics that it's not even funny. as of now, i just can't wait till handover is over. then i'll sit back and look at what's gonna become of things. i'm too tired of trying to change things and getting a brush-off. you want to keep thigns currently? go ahead. i don't care anymore. in fact, why did i even do so in the first place?

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i'm gonna start a quote of the week, i think. not funny ones though...

"parents who pressure their children to be great, are never great themselves"

competition season

there's a fine line between balancing results versus studies, but that line is pretty darn hard to find. my dad's been yelling at me becausei've been playing a lot of bridge lately, but competition season is here. gotta practice and all. i bet it's the same with sportsmen, right? just that they don't get yelled at for training because it isn't at home.

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apparently, my trust got misplaced again. as much as i want to and as much as i try to, one-way conversations don't work out. don't try to evade my questions, please, or i get the feeling i'm not trusted. as i said, the two most important things to me, are loyalty and trust. these two i prize above everything else. and i do the same to friends too. so when i'm not trusted... well that bond is kinda broken. and that's not a good thing.

i'm pretty good at figuring some things out, i'm not all that thick, although sometimes i don't let on. non-verbal signals are pretty telling. so when i do ask, please answer something. it's all right if you can't tell me just yet, but don't evade forever.

and another thing, never be sorry for whatever you say and do. i do NOT buy "i'm sorry". to me it really doesn't serve any purpose and it doesn't have any meaning. i take responsibility for whatver i do or say, and i usually mean it. i'd like the same treatment. "i'm sorry" doesn't have any effect. if you really are, then show it through actions not words. got quite a few people this applies to, hope you're awake enough to know.

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yijun told me that there are a few people who think the world revolves around them. that everything is me me me. well i won't deny that, but i doubt i'd agree 100% either. i mean, isn't that a universal human trait? we all tend to do that some time. and most likely, we won't even notice. especially for guys, wanting to show off is pretty natural, and i guess i won't fault you for it. just try to tone it down a little esp when others aren't feeling so good already?
and also, i need someone to give me a wake-up knock when that happens to me. 'cause as i said i probably wouldn't notice it.

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what's it like to lose your best buddies? it's very unnerving to see an unbreakable person... well... broken. like that pillar of support, the person who stands through problems and crisis with calmness and stuff? when that unmmovable person breaks down, it's very unnerving. one 'cause there must be soemthing super-wrong, or, well i can't think of anything else. just think about one person whom you think doesn't get fazzled in any circumstance and is always cheery, and think of him/her in depression. it's just unnerving, somehow. makes you feel a little helpless too.

short post, huh? got a few more small stories but maybe it'll be left to next time.

P.S. oh, and to someone. nice try. i know what's going on. minimal details and all, i know the general idea and situation. nice job of covering it up though. got almost all the details plugged. and no. those weren't just little bits of emo to fit... i would have bought that story if it wasn't for your posture and gesture. heh.

history repeats itself, time and again

i'm sick of the false pretences. really. just say it out blunt, and it'll go easier on me. first you plan something that only a few people know of. then supposedly the information was passed down to the rest but it never was. even the the information keeps changing at your whim and fancy. if your place, time and activity keeps changing, what the hell is going on? you're just trying to dump us off, that's what.

it's not even like bad communication or bad planning. if it was either of the above i expect some mess, and i expect that at least those higher up in the hierarchy knows what's going on. but noooo. only THOSE few people know. last year, not even the CT rep. this year, not even the exco! same situation, same despicable act, different circumstances. what does that say about people? i don't need to say it out, i think.

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Speaking of people, as days pass i find myself losing more and more faith in people. i've told of this to various people, and ordinarily someoen would have raised the alarm about depression or suicidal tendencies but somehow i've been told there's no worry because i've "got my head screwed on tight". is it because my arguments for this view are strong and convincing? or do people just brush it off as a passing trend? better not, because far from passing it's getting worse.

the quote "most people are scum" or "people are scum" came from me. i now have to change it. i was dead wrong. boy was i wrong. it should now read "ALL people are scum".

i've had enough, i'm not willing to take any more risks helping or trusting people. there are last two friends whom i still have faith in the complete link with. as for the rest, good luck. i may remain a good friend, share joy, share your situation, be around with you, but i highly doubt i'll ever tell you my inner stories, or let you know my person at all. just not worth it any longer. just opening myself to the vulnerablility of getting hurt more.

everyone tells me i need friends. and i ask them in turn: define friends. handing out ammunition that can potentially come back to haunt you, well i'd rather not. said this before and i'll say it again. life isn't a popularity contest. i don't need hoards of people going goo-goo over me. i don't need to try and fit in with everyone else. i am who i am. if you can't accept me for that, then goodbye, have a nice day. i don't need many friends, i need good, loyal ones. if there aren't any such people left, i can strike out on my own. the human spirit is a lot more resilient than you might think.

To the few people concerned, maybe you don't recognize when words hurt. i certainly don't, at times. but it is these things that break that bond of trust and loyalty. i'm sorry, maybe next time (if there is one) i should make it more clear.

P.S. as you can tell i'm not in the most jovial of moods. so i give a fair warning here. any flames, insults or pointless posting will get you an IMMEDIATE ban plus deletion, no questions asked.

yay, i got my music changed

i've only got 4 musics on the list now... i'll add more as i get them. hope they're good now anyway. so i shouldn't be hearing any more complaints. heh.

and to person who posted... well whatever you want to think. i'm getting tired of replying to incessant, unintelligible posts like this. if that's your perception, forget it, i'm not bothering to change it. time is the best indicator of people.

it's super late now and i'm not too sure i can form what i want to say in a proper format. i.e. non-offensive, subtle and all that. i seriously need to rephrase it loads. when you see the final result later, remember that it has gone through layers of editing.

on a bright side, good friday is coming around. slightly more time to catch up with work.