Fashan kat maan nat, maan q'a nat

sometimes the right thing to do isn't the important thing to do. so when do we choose what to do? that's kinda hard to define... that's what makes us unpredictable. sometimes we choose what is right, sometimes we choose what is important, but all the time, we do what we feel is the best choice isn't it?

thanks for most of the replies i got from my last post. breaks the record for most responses. heh. but that's not the point. couple of interesting points, and also some very... useless comments. i got one "live with it, there's nothing you can do about the situation so stop whining about the problem." oh, so that's your view of life. if something's wrong, it's always going to be wrong, so we take a back seat and don't bother with it? so next time you fall sick i don't wanna see you at the doctor's. you're sick, so something's wrong with your body. why should you do something about it?

just to round up i thought i'd post what i thought was quite a good music video. i don't listen to english songs much, but this one was really good and had some powerful messages, i thought.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5AhkCoamAo

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for the romance fans out there, also got some insight to share. the trigger for this discussion, oddly enough, was new year's visiting at relatives. past years it's always the oldies talk among themselves (happens all the time innit) and my gen (or what's left of it) play some random things like mahjong, or goof around a bit... this year some things change. for one they brought their girlfriends over. and we all know how hard it is to try and join in the conversation when that happens. and we all know people don't feel like doing anything else, either. so i get left off around. but that's besides the point.

how true is it that without that initial spark, you can just "get things going" just hanging around long enough? i'm not talking about those cheesy love-hate relationships because they've been done to death. what i mean is if you don't feel anything at all but just "try out for a month" or something along those lines. because that's how hook-up dates, partnership agencies and the like work, and i'm beginning to wonder how effective they really are.

and then it went on to a sort of gp-ish discussion from there. which, isn't really that bad of a thing but does get grating at times.

point #1: the best way to get over a terrible relationship, which in most circumstances has ended, is to get into a new one. make sure the new one is better, lasts longer and is more memorable than the old one. that way you'll forget the bitter memories of the first. but careful not to fall into the rebound trap though. a rebound is where you clutch at anything to fill up the empty hole within you. that's not healthy, either yourself or whoever you're clutching to.

point #2: in order to truely understand the owrkings of love, you have to experience it first. why do some people say they're second marriages (after decease of a spouse) work out well? because they know what to look out for. it's part of experience, i think. something you learn along as you go...

then there are my points, the other side of the story... which sounds mroe of a rant, but well, i try to keep emotions out of my arguments because they just aren't very persuasive.

point #1: exclusive unhealthy relationships. nothing wrong with having a relation, in fact it might give you a new outlook on life and such, and maybe even something to look forward to (because we all know how dreary school can be) but it's rather unhealthy when other people are shut out. there are some couples that are like permanently stuck together. can't even get a word in without feeling weird. it's almost akin to being anti-social. but i guess different slices for different folks...

point #2: i don't really share this. iit's kept somewhere i'd rather not surface, but it did come out. and it did silence them. why do i keep distances from people? or more like, why hasn't anyone been able to penetrate this ice? why? because this ice has hardened over time. trust, and information about yourself, when shared too readily, can become tools of comfort, but can also become deadly weapons used against you. and one of the things that makes you lose faith in humankind as a whole, is that of betrayal. few people know the true meaning of betrayal. a promise not kept? a bond of trust broken? those are minor incidences. constituent of betrayal is when and i quote: "you never treat someone special, walk all over him, tear him to pieces, and then abandon him" don't ask me where i got the quote from, but take it from me that it's true. and i know it.

conclusion? sorry, i believe you can make one on your own. have happy and healthy relationships, people. that's the best i can say for the new year.

WAKE UP!

an apology in advance, this is going to be somewhat of a rant. and when i do that, emotion takes over logic. sorry, i don't do this very often, but i have to get stuff out of my system. if any constructive criticism comes out of it (in posts, comments or anything) they'd be appreciated. if it's just going to be baseless insults, slanders and tempers, then i'm going to ignore them. as you probably already know, i'm not in for a popularity contest. in this world, yes friends make a better place and all that, but if you can't stand up on your own and stand up for what's right, then you're not amounitng to much in this world anyway.

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it's ironic... no, laughably hilarious, that the very perpertrators of a situation should be the first to complain and lament about the situation. i have no issue with that. honestly speaking i have no issue with that and sometimes i'm quite happy too that some other people see the problem. what i have a problem, a BIG issue with is the way the problem is put across. the tone, the sublimal messaging, i don't care if otehr people keep quiet about it. i'm NOT going to keep quiet about something if it's blatantly untrue. the way it comes across, every thing leading up to the current situation is OUR fault.

complain about us not sharing a table or talking at lunch? who's the people who exclude us from the discussions in the first place? turning your back 45 degrees IS a non-verbal signal for "go away" for those who are ignorant. shutting down conversation topics we try to start isn't the best way to get us to talk. being excluded from a conversation is never nice and is never a nice feeling. it just shows disrespect for the person trying to join in. after a while, the hint gets across and it becomes "why bother trying to enter the conversation?" if you don't know how it feels like, do please try and enter conversations in which a select few are talking loudly, ignoring whatever you say. then maybe you'll get an idea.

we don't participate in activities, and participation is minimal? perhaps if we KNEW about the damn activities we would have been more involved. but no, it's always organized and catered to the same few people, and the rest are rarely invited. how many times has it been that outings and such were organized, and that everyone was invited? and how many times when a FEW people can't make it the whole thing is called off? search deep and tell me the answer.

that aside, how many times have we actually caught on to the plan and asked about it, only to be brushed off? how many times has it been when blatant signals are given to get off your back? and how many times have some of us (or at least me) tried to come along anyway and gotten shaken off delibrately mid-way? the first time it happened, i was pissed but i forgave (after due apology). the second time i was annoyed but still tolerated. the third time, i gave up. why should i put so much effort into trying to attend and participate when equal effort is being put into trying to shake us off? might as well conserve that energy and direct it elsewhere. benefits all of us.

and to the times that everyone is invited, who are you kidding? for everyone? or for a select few? please, when it's blatantly obvious you treat us as invisibles, there to add up to the number we lose the purpose of coming. it's just wasting our time and energy. why try to interact at all if we're supposed to be invisible, unseen and unheard?

last point: we don't comfort or help. suuuure we don't. we once used to. we gave up. same as all the above. we are nice people, contrary to the inset belief. we don't want to stay to ourselves. but what we want is respect, and after a while, if we find that isn't coming through then we give up. i have always been there to listen to people's problems, sometimes offering solutions. and sometimes i'm fast to pick up on behavioural changes because of non-verbal signals. but no, every single time i get a brush-off "why do you care?" "nothing at all, really" "go away don't bother me" are the responses i get for trying to show concern. we don't show it? maybe because we're DISCOURAGED from showing it, yes?

like i said much earlier on, i have no problems with people speaking about the problem. even i do, sometimes. but it's the way you put it across. saying "why is the situation like that, why do you people not do this, not do that, do you know it's hurting us blah blah blah" is NOT the right way to go around. fine, maybe you need another perspective, fine, maybe you tried to be persuasive and ended up being one-sided. what you should know is that a truly effective persuasion has a through understanding of the FULL story and not "it's their fault, all their fault". i sound biased? read what you read again today, it does come across as very offensive.

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i'm done. awaiting comments, flames, whatever. i wrote this fully aware of potential trouble i might cause, but i would not take this lying down. when an attack has been made of great injustice, there are times when you should stand up to speak. it may mend the tear, it may enlarge the gorge, i don't know. all i know is, things would not be the same after this.

awaiting your inputs...

there are few things that move me...

but this one did.

it's one of the few gems i managed to pick up. i don't know how they managed to convey the feeling, but it did. if i had any say about it i'd say it'll make great stuff for a novel, or storyboard for a series or movie. and i'm not kidding.

i know i post my real stuff on weekends, but this time i'll make an exception as a tribute to it... i'll post it in it's entirety. unabridged, no modifications whatsoever. and hopefully, it'll strike a chord with some of us here.

...

Take Some Time and actually Read this


.. IT'S 7TH GRADE...
I stared at the girl next to me...She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...


IT'S JUNIOR YEAR...
My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... A Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...


IT'S SENIOR YEAR...
The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neiter of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...


IT'S PROM NIGHT...
After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to telll her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...


IT'S GRADUATION DAY...
A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...


IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER...
Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" an drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...


YEARS PASSED...
I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... I wish I did too... I thought to myself and I cried...

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hope you enjoyed, and reflect.

in tribute to some effort

well they tried. they really tried. of that i can't deny it. what other house comes up with some idea for a game that forces you to search for people you previously don't know, and implement it on everyone? nice try, anyway. J1s for some reason are a heck lot more enthu than us... i believe our lethargy carried over from last year... nar... it got worse. house system worked uite ok in sec school.. we had a lot of time and all that... in JC it's a bit of different i think...

o yea, about effort, i'm getting quite tired of ppl saying "good effort" or any variations like that. truth of the matter is, effort's worth crap. if effort can be seen in the final result and stuff, good for you. if it fails spectacularly or anything, "effort" is not going to be taken into consideration at all. that's how the world works. "effort" is becoming something that people say for "consolation" more than anything now, and it's getting pretty bleh.

i was wondering why there weren't any "jeremy au yong" articles in the life! section today, usually his articles come out on mondays... a bit* controversial... to say to least, but always quite amusing and has a grain of truth in it. the last two weeks were pretty good i must say. then of course they tend to get used in Mr Teo's class for CV the damn next day =.=

last point from real-life... it's amazing how double-standards are practiced sometime. so on one hand we don't like (or rather abhor) people to do annonymous postings, insultatious (is that even a word) postings and we call them "childish" "immature" and goodness knows what else. and yet WE in return post something like the audio recording of those two ppl harrassing the stall owner. and worse we consider it FUN. what the heck? where's your sense of dignity ppl? sigh...

...

funny thoughts sometimes occur at the weirdest times. but they always leave open-ended answers. not easy to answer, they are...
try this: physical differences aside, is it harder for a guy to impersonate a girl, or for a girl to impersonate a guy. physical differences not withstanding. there's quite a lot of difference in inherent lifestyles and such.... it's quite interesting to take a different perspective at times, it seems.

i'm beginning to wonder when exactly that spark of life went out. everytime i see the J1s in their groups i tend to get this feeling. how long as it been since it's been possible to sit down as a large group and yet not leave anyone out? honestly i've forgotten. seems like it's impossible these few days though... apparently people split up and have 3 conversations at any one point in time...

and i'm also wondering, what gives the spark of existence? you know, the type that always brings a ball to class such that everyone can play? the type whose presence can be felt once that person enters a room? the type that upon leaving the pitch (say going home or wtv) everyone else follows in a relatively short amount of time? is it something to do with leadership? or is it some form of prerequisite for leadership? which causes which?

bleh... anyway, changed a song. prolly gonna make songs a one-month thing =/