end of term 2

terms 2 passes by. time flies when you're not paying attention, yet when you want it to something always seems to go wrong. CT's coming up after the holidays. i know if i take them now i'm just heading for deep trouble, so let's just see how much we can salvage from a rush during the june hols.

oddly enough, every time i look at my message inbox i get the feeling that history repeats itself. something very very similar happened last year, around the exact same time. i don't want to think about it, but that is the truth. can't run from that. i'm clinging on to every last bit of hope, somewhat. afraid to take a step forward, but afraid that the same thing will happen again if nothing is done.

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which brings me to ask, is it better to do something and regret what you've done, or do nothing and then regret that nothing was done? i'm always one to prefer action. rather than keep thinking what would have happened had action been taken. at least my conscience is clear that i've done my best and what i deem to be right, and heck about what others think. i'm not here for popularity.

speaking of which, i'm not essentially busy. if i'm really busy i will state it. don't make too many assumptions, as i've learnt because those assumptions tend to be wrong. it's not that i'm perpetually busy or summat, it's just that i hate wasting time. there's once an inventor whose name eludes me at the moment (i'll find it soon enough) who never stayed still at one spot. every moment spent doing nothing was a moment wasted to him. and i buy that story. time on earth is short, and things don't happen to you. things actually happen because someone makes them happen. so why sit there and wait?

having said that, you'll more often than not find that whatever i'm doing is not crucial. if it is i'll say so. otherwise, 90% of the time i can put down whatever i'm doing, or just multi-task.

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and i hate to say this, but i didn't notice something very wrong with a particular situation, because my attention was divided elsewhere. it's like argh. now on hindsight all the signs were there, and they weren't even difficult to spot. then again, hindsight is always 20/20. wish i could do something before this disaster happened. the consolation, i guess is that it's kinda temporary. unless i've misread something again, things should be back to normal pretty soon... i hope.

P.S. added new song. does anyone recognize it? =3

week 8 passes uneventfully...

this week's been a boring week. nothing much spectacular. that can be good, too. also means that nothign especially bad happens. not that it could get any worse after last week. i still can't really get over it, and i doubt i'm the only one. i'm still wondering why. i'm not one to lose temper easily, i usually hold it in quite well and even if i do lose it, it's usually a temporary thing and i get my calmness back quite quickly. just this time it's still lingering. why? it's not really like me, is it?...

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what induces someone to give up everything for nothing? i have nothing to offer, no connections, no network to influential people, casted at the side as a renegade, and even blamed for any mishaps that happen. i've told you why being around me might make you lose some important things that weren't easy to come by. good support, plenty of opportunities and possibly light favourtism. and yet you say you don't care. that people's opinions aren't to be considered. what induces the decision to give up everything? i wish i knew the answer someday. never had anyone give up anything for me since i've ever known (except parents, but that's a given) so i'm really... somewhat moved, i guess. if it is sincere. sorry, i question motives everywhere i go now. if you'd led the life i did, i suppose you would, too.

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i'm also beginning to wonder... why are so many people abandoning themselves? the many people that i see everyday, aren't their true selves. if it is their true selves, i shudder for the fate of humanity. it's like everyone's hiding behind a mask, showing others what others want to see, regardless of whether it's the right thing to do. is fame and popularity really that important in life? i've heard that to survive in this world that's the way we have to be. i refuse to acknowledge that. survival is high on the priority list, yes, but it cannot be placed higher than personal values and morals.

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Quote of the week: "even if a person wins the nobel prize, even if he becomes the president of the united states, if he has lost his self-respect and personal values, in all of humanity he can only rank as last"

beautiful. unfortunately there are quite a few people who have lost their personal values, it seems. wait a minute, what am i talking about... you can't lose something you never had, now can you?

counting down the weeks...

count the weeks... not many left, is there. and i already see the tests looming in the background. studying solo... is hell. but i highly doubt i'll be able to get anyone to mug with me this time though. usually it's more fun than mug depending on the people.

remember the old saying that geniuses have it the hardest? not that difficult to find the examples. they're all over in history and present, even. or rather, there's a nicer name called "eccentric" nowadays. nobody ever wonders why, do they? well, just as a personal opinion, i think it works both ways. geniuses see the world in a different way. simply put they're the mental cases that succeeded. so just as they don't see the world the way we do, the rest of us can't see the world the way they do. it's this conflict of views that make them outcasts, is it not?

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was reading today's (sunday's) paper, and there was rather a full-length report on cyber-posting and stuff. i wasn't exactly surprised that the most important things seemed to be status, and the way to get status online seems to be popularity and hits blah blah (i think the report summarizes it better than me).
which got me thinking... what exactly is it about popularity that is such an attraction? seems almost everyone here is caught up in that frenzy. note the word "almost". is it acceptance? status? influence? too many questions and too little answers... and the very people who can provide the answers, probably don't have them.

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another thing about today's paper is the report about letting people coming into your house. depends on the tack, i guess. the ruse used in this case was that they needed to use the toilet. ok, that was an example. point is would you go out of your way to help others?
one year ago if you asked me that question, it would have been a very quick and definite "yes". half a year ago i would say "depends on the situation" but most likely still a yes. if you ask me now though, it's going to be an absolute "no". i was the one who stated that "people are scum" so why should i be helping scum? the absolute truth about humankind is that false pretences or whatever that we keep up, at the end of the day we're still very much alone.

just think about it this way. if one day you lost everything, every single thing. no future, no assets, no nothing. family aside, who would come to your aid? think carefully before answering. the number of times that people i thought were friends have turned out not to be, well more than enough to prove my point already...

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i still remember my GP essay, when i argued for women being better than men at politics. how could they not? everything on my essay is just the bits i had to add to support my stand, but the absolute, blunt and bitter truth, i couldn't put it in. and that is the simple fact that they're everyday life is strewn with politics. i'm not kidding. the amount of politics the average girl goes through in a day is like more than enough to kill my brain trying to guess 1,001 things. from motives, to intentions, to underlying reasons, to pasts, to interests blah blah... i wouldn't survive a single week in their shoes...

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and as usual, the quote for the week

"the true mark of high-level sentient life, is something or someone that praises and admires other people at least 3 times a day, while atthe same time ridiculing it/him/herself at least 3 times a day"