a new year dawns...
1st of Jan, 2007. nice weather too. plus the water levels finally dropped.
yesterday... was pretty unexpected, to say the best. a long-lost family member (not officially, but we consider her part of our family now) came to visit. i'm pretty surprised she remembered the way though. but it does bring back lotsa memories. it's also when i began to wonder, where did i lose my focus? that single-minddedness of pure determination? when i find the answer, my time will probably be done, too.
one of the first questions she asked, though, was again, the old whether you got that someone... and my answer always remains the same, until the time comes by which it is changed out of my control, when the thick wall of ice here begins to melt. as for now, I'm pretty content to keep off the stage, and be the observer of surroundings. observation can net rather some benefits to those with a keen eye. and i am going to be observing rather more keenly next year... plus i've just picked up a few tips on behaviourial and gesturial movements...
...
sometimes, the older stuff can be unpolished gems. watching a 1980s production i was rather surprised when it starte to move me a little, and that comes from a person being rather hard. some of the philosophies included are rather intriguing.
for instance, did anyone ever give thought to the fact that however few privileges we have, we always try to get more, and are never willing to part with them? we all subconsciously realize (i hope) that when all privileges are deprived, we become scum. nothing but the lowlife of the lowlife, existing just for the sake of existing. and these priviledges are governed by rules, which are created artificially by man. which other animal in the animal kingdom has such a rigid and extensive rule that does not come about as an instinct? and the saying i won't forget, which i brought from this show, is that "no matter how they fence us in, or treat us like ****, we stay as strong and alive as we want, and as we always have been. "
now, of course the old saying is that "no man is an island", and we all know society is comprised of so many ppl and we all need to depend on each other and yadda yadda yadda. but just a thought: wouldn't we be pretty useless if we can't even depend on ourselves? if we were removed from people, would we collapse? it's kinda unnerving to think we've come to rely and depend on other people so much that we've forgotten how to use our own strength.
...
and new year resolution? hmm... i have one.
i'm going to try and find the missing ingredient. in primary school most classmates aren't that close because you know, we're like 6, brains haven't fully become functional yet, memory is limited blah blah blah. in sec school is where the real bonding and stuff comes in.
somehow, that is missing in JC. even in university, from what i've heard. i want to know what has changed, or rather why it has changed. there's just something.. missing... even in CCAs, (excluding the council, which is in a league of its own) there's just something... missing. that warmth, i think. and i'm gonna try find out what exactly it is.
yesterday... was pretty unexpected, to say the best. a long-lost family member (not officially, but we consider her part of our family now) came to visit. i'm pretty surprised she remembered the way though. but it does bring back lotsa memories. it's also when i began to wonder, where did i lose my focus? that single-minddedness of pure determination? when i find the answer, my time will probably be done, too.
one of the first questions she asked, though, was again, the old whether you got that someone... and my answer always remains the same, until the time comes by which it is changed out of my control, when the thick wall of ice here begins to melt. as for now, I'm pretty content to keep off the stage, and be the observer of surroundings. observation can net rather some benefits to those with a keen eye. and i am going to be observing rather more keenly next year... plus i've just picked up a few tips on behaviourial and gesturial movements...
...
sometimes, the older stuff can be unpolished gems. watching a 1980s production i was rather surprised when it starte to move me a little, and that comes from a person being rather hard. some of the philosophies included are rather intriguing.
for instance, did anyone ever give thought to the fact that however few privileges we have, we always try to get more, and are never willing to part with them? we all subconsciously realize (i hope) that when all privileges are deprived, we become scum. nothing but the lowlife of the lowlife, existing just for the sake of existing. and these priviledges are governed by rules, which are created artificially by man. which other animal in the animal kingdom has such a rigid and extensive rule that does not come about as an instinct? and the saying i won't forget, which i brought from this show, is that "no matter how they fence us in, or treat us like ****, we stay as strong and alive as we want, and as we always have been. "
now, of course the old saying is that "no man is an island", and we all know society is comprised of so many ppl and we all need to depend on each other and yadda yadda yadda. but just a thought: wouldn't we be pretty useless if we can't even depend on ourselves? if we were removed from people, would we collapse? it's kinda unnerving to think we've come to rely and depend on other people so much that we've forgotten how to use our own strength.
...
and new year resolution? hmm... i have one.
i'm going to try and find the missing ingredient. in primary school most classmates aren't that close because you know, we're like 6, brains haven't fully become functional yet, memory is limited blah blah blah. in sec school is where the real bonding and stuff comes in.
somehow, that is missing in JC. even in university, from what i've heard. i want to know what has changed, or rather why it has changed. there's just something.. missing... even in CCAs, (excluding the council, which is in a league of its own) there's just something... missing. that warmth, i think. and i'm gonna try find out what exactly it is.
posted by CHENZ | 11:41 PM
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