So, What Mind Are You?

a thought

2009-03-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

i don't really have much to post on this thing anymore. but there are certain times like today when a thought pops up from some stimulus and i just can't get it out of my mind, so i'd just write it down here for future references.

be warned though. these musings i have are usually not politically correct. (if they were they'd be pretty boring) and if i offend your sense of righteousness and justice please seek your opinions elsewhere.

***

now, the article that piqued my interest this morning came oddly from the "life" section of the newspaper. front page news, even. for those of you who don't have the big habit of reading, im talking about the headline of female-centred movies recently about "negative stereotypes".

im of the thinking that there aren't stereotypes for no reason. and one of the most important factors is that these movies portray women who are in their middle ages. i.e. hitting thirty, sometimes slightly over thirty.

that's one of the largest indicators, cause that is also when attitudes toward life get a big change. my opinion, of course, which counts for little especially since i never go through the phase women go through. but here's the largest difference i can make a guess on. before the middle ages, you'd think about partying, career, having a fun time etc etc. when you're pushing thirty or even closer to 40. family and children start occupying most of your brain cells. am i wrong?

i'd like to ask an open question right now. how many people out there, my age, slightly junior, slightly senior, maybe even those i know who are taking courses in various universities right now. how many of you people out there are thinking of settling down, having children and the works. (im not counting marrying, although as of late marriage ages are also getting lower). if i may be slightly bold and general, i'd say that most people out there are just concentrated on building career, having a fun time, going out with who they like.

and therein lies the problem. i am, of course, making a wild guess here and you're welcome to prove me wrong. (only when you're at the appropriate age, please) but once you're at a certain age, worries start to pile up. will i get a good partner? can i still have a baby? etc. there is some fundamental loneliness in all of us, the need to have a proper family. those with parents still alive can put off that feeling slightly longer. but still, it eventually catches up.

and therein lies the article about these characters being "man-crazy". they have to be, how can they be not? at that age when nature is screaming at you, when half the people you know are happily in a loving family. suddenly, oh noes. i need one! is it still too late? am i still available?

there is a good saying i read some time back. as men age, the pool of potential partners increase, while the opposite can be said of women. unpleasant as it may be, im inclined to think it's absolutely correct. and at the age panic starts to set in, well, you get what we see. "man-crazy" syndrome.

yea, while i was in school i was routinely and repeatedly chastised for being a chauvanistic pig. hey, it's not like i have anything against women. i just have the misfortune of pointing out glaring faults. and not just in women either. but seriously, i have never gotten scathing remarks when i make fun of the male side of homo sapiens. wonder why. maybe it's all the insecurity, the need to assure oneself, "hey, im in charge. don't go saying anything you damn bloody well please". or is it the need to continue the delusion of equality, in this still very male-dominated world?

one last question before i leave. has anyone wondered why it is almost impossible NOT to love babies when you set eyes on them, yet we keep insisting that we have to "know someone very well" before you can declare love? double standards much? especially the ladies. i'd like an opinion on this one.

more thoughts before another confinement

2008-07-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

im not sure about any others out there. one thing i really hate is when i'm idle. that is, when the mind isn't working. either when it's brainless work ("move this here, move that there, and don't ask why.") or just plain idling ("just sit there, don't sleep, don't play and don't read"). i know some people are quite capable of spacing out anywhere they like. unfortunately im not capable of that feat and it's not a nice feeling knowing your brain is just rotting away.

...

something's been bugging me since my gp teacher told me there must be some deep-rooted reason for my cynicism. not that i think im really cynical or anything. but most studies show that it is always something that happened during childhood that affects your behaviour for the rest of your life. and i've been trying to find out what it is since then. and i think i might have found it just today. it is my belief that only 4 people in the world knows of this event ever happening to me, and only i know what kind of impact and why it has had.

it was rather interesting, since i was reading a book about commitment today. (does anybody ever wonder why most relationship books are written for women instead of male readers?) and i guess i still fall into most guy's "avoidance" label. i haven't finished but there are some interesting points, which i might write later. i'm still primarily a guy with male instincts, im afraid, even though most times i don't seem to behave like a typical testosterone-charged guy should.

...

was also thinking about women's rights campaign (again). and the fight for equality and stuff. the thing i found weird was, you see, equality can really never be achieved, simply because differences between the sexes amounts to more than just differences between the sex organs and the plumbing. there are some innate differences, such as females having more brain synapses within the cerebellum and guy's having more compartmentalised brain functions.

and since im so used to the style of gp writing, let's use point example structure to think things through. a man can go around having one night stands, have thousands of lovers, and goes around bragging about this. this actually increases his social status (one way or the other, if you look at the famous playboys and who they are you'd know what i mean). now, sure women can go and do this nowadays, with the increased earning power and all. but would you want to? minus the social stigma, which can be argued to be artificial, im pretty sure most women would be disgusted with themselves should they fall to that. heck, a guy having gone through 10 girlfriends / wives wouldn't feel a damn thing (or so it seems, who knows what they really feel), but a woman going through 3 relationships would be scarred for life.

(i speak of this knowing a few people with relationship troubles. ever wonder why guys never go for relationship counselling?)

and for those who would prefer concrete evidences, i submit an independant study done in 1996 by mineesota (not sure if the spelling is correct). they asked a handsome/ beautiful person of the opposite gender to approach young adults, asking one of three questions. (a) would you go out on a date with me? (b) would you like to come to my apartment? (c) would you like to have sex with me?
please note that the questions were posed on the first meeting.

for women, 50% said yes to (a), 6% to (b) and none to (c)
for men, the results were 50% said yes to (a), 60% said yes to (b) and 75% said yes to (c)

the debate is still out on why this is so, but so far most people agree that women are more commitment oriented. that doesn't mean men don't want love and just want sex, but admittedly the perspectives are slightly different.

...

now that i've got to that, i thought i might have another bombshell to drop.

as much as i grumble and complain about national service, i thought it was quite fitting an exchange. no, i do not mean that we should serve whoever's up there because it's our duty and all, but i do believe it evens out the scales in what we go through.

apart from natural biological functions, which any woman will tell you is rather much of a hassle, they also go through childbirth agonies (something which i can never possibly relate), pick up the lion's share of the housework and also have the major role when it comes to kids. i kinda really respect those who've got it altogether. HOW do you juggle a career, kids, housework and groceries with everything else?

2 years of hell and a little something else every year after that. im not happy about it, but it kind of evens the playing field, personally speaking. which is why i grumble and grumble but i'll still go, i guess, just so that i can assuage my conscience and say i've had my share of suffering and not be high and mighty on the y chromosome.

...

who knows when the next time will be before i have something interesting to write? i sure have a lot of time to think and wonder now but not much to spare in the way of time and energy.

everyone treasures what they've already lost

2008-05-08T03:26:00.000-07:00

it's been a long time since i came back here to post. mostly because i'm away from home. but also because i haven't been thinking much. and i hate posting something about nothing 'cause it kinda debilitates your intelligence. i can already feel my mind rusting away, watchng the damn sampans drift lazily past ont eh straits of johore (not that it hasn't already rotted to the core in BMT, but that's another story.)

friend of mine told me a few days back that she joined a discussion with a group of people on which the topic was on her need to go find a soulmate. i shan't speculate on the results of that discussion but it did ring off quite a lot in my mind.

ordinarily speaking and the social norm is that women need a soulmate a lot more. i'm not going to explain that, i think if you ask around that would be the general consensus. and everyone also knows that women look out for stability, support etc while men are generally less picky about that. that's all common knowledge so i shan't give it too much room here.

medically speaking, however, being attached, engaged or married seems to bring about greater benefits for men than women. statistics have shown this in terms of substance (alcohol, drug, gaming etc) addiction as well as tendency to fall ill, and average lifespan. the reason for this is still out waiting for someone with a PhD to proclaim but my personal guess would be that it's because women still have their social network to rely on.

but i'm not here to talk about who wants whom or who depends on whom. that's idle chatter. the bottom line is that they need each other, or there would be mass orgies and not marriage, for the sake of reproduction. however, isn't it kinda as of late that more and more people take each other for granted? like not thinking about what the other person feels, thinks etc. well, we're not psychics and we generally screw up, even me. but there's just this feeling i get that the relationship somehow isn't treasured greatly when you're in it. does anyone else have this experience?

okay, so not just relationships, even family, friends stuff like that. sometimes we just brush past each other, like a giagantic "X" meeting at a point and then parting forever. even family ties get loose after time.

yes, yes, i know, life is busy. everyone's climbing the corporate ladder, getting a larger salary, getting a better car, a better house, blah blah. and we keep telling ourselves there will come a day where there will be more time, after the taxes are paid, after the mortgage is done, after we upgrade the house... but that day never comes. it just gets busier and busier. a car that increases its speed all the time will wear out pretty soon, or hit an accident. so why should it be different for us?

if anyone read the history of the 9/11 incident, in some cases the authors have included what happened on the last moments before the crash. mobiles phones sent out hundreds of messages to friends, relatives, children, lovers. passengers on the plane called in the last minute of their lives, while those in the building did the same. yet, the general context of the messages and calls were the same. they didn't mention the size of their salary, their rank within the various corporations or the luxuries they have. no. the same three words echoed, sent, received and sent again. lovers to lovers, parents to children, siblings to their family. and friends to friends.

one guy spoke of the harshness of prison life. (this is based in US, i believe). the visiting room has a square table, and 4 chairs nailed to the ground. one chair is in red, and the prisoner sits on it when others are visiting. some family members bring their children, so the prisoners get to see their flesh and blood. yet, as the kids play at a small corner where the playpen is located, the parent can do no more than watch them and smile. sometimes the child calls out for the prisoner, at other times the child may trip and need assistance. i hope everyone out there can imagine the feeling when you get up in those circumstances, only to be yelled at by the warden "hey you! get back in the chair!"

a little closer to home, one of the sergeants i've been working with is married and his wife has just given birth. (he's only 3 years older than me, but i guess it's their choice) of course, as per the rule, he was given 2-3 days of paternity leave. he was able to be there to see his child born, and be there for his wife in the delivery room. but what about after that? he's stuck in the camp like us, executing operations under the sun. he doesn't get to see his child's first week, nor first month. he doesn't even get to call home because the place where we are at has no cellphone reception. can you imagine his anxiety when his wife fell sick with a high fever not even one week after delivery? i hope nobody else out there has to experience that.

make some time out for those who are important to you. it's useless to mourn and regret when these times are gone. resist taking on a large project over the weekend and spend some time with the family, or find a week where everyone is free and take a vacation. after all, the now only happens once, and it'd be a great mistake to leave it, only to find that one has lost everything at a later stage.

one more paper...

2007-11-22T23:04:00.001-08:00

right. as for the absence, yes it is mostly attributed to the "A's" and prelims. no it is not mostly over, because the most difficult paper is coming up at the end of it, and i still have no idea whatsoever on how to pass it.

one person told me that she didn't like blogs and facebook because it's like opening up your life and diary for others to read. like you're sharing with the whole wide world your most personal details and life experiences and such. and that is rather true, looking at the state in which blogs are currently used. most of those i see are like describing their everyday lives, how they feel on issues, and stuff. which is ok, but perhaps not so palatable with 0thers.

other uses are pretty good too. the recent newspaper article on how one person uses the web to look for one particular person he saw on the subway? that's pretty avid use of imagination and technology, i thought. then there are those who use it for advertising purposes. boundaries of the net are only limited by imagination, but sadly most of us stick to tried-and-tested means of doing things. Plus it looks increasingly like just another popularity tool.

also, i didn't post much because i didn't have anything useful to say. i'm not much an advocate of posting mundane things and stuff. i don't have that much of an interest into other's lives and i hope nobody's going to poke into mine as well. and posting mundane and unintellectual things just shows the amount of thought processes. so unless i have something useful or discussive to say might as well keep silent.

and not that i have had that much time recently to think of anything else anyway. unless someone out there is masochistic enough to listen to another economics lecture, i shouldn't be saying too much because economics is about all i'm thinking of lately, what with the paper looming on thursday... but that's beyond the point now. heh.

...

just saw another of my old friends get hitched. well people never declare these things but it's an educated guess based on the things i see. and i wonder why i never saw it earlier. perhaps the first sign was when he started going to school early and more importantly alone. or maybe it was the increasing uncomfortableness on house-visits even though i used to that that a lot before. should have noticed, but i didn't. guess i'm getting kinda rusty after all. then again, as someone pointed out to me, it wasn't very nice reading people. people hate to be exposed, but it's nice knowing what's going on just by observations.

well of course i can't say much, but i'm guessing social circles do change with relationships. it's difficult to tell for better or worse, since each case is different, but social circles do change. and knowing my attitude towards vulnearability, i tend to shy away from such changes. because it entails a larger dependancy on fewer people (or in some cases, on one person) which isn't healthy when it comes to defending yourself.

...

and the recent news article about higher divorce rates? there was a rather similar question for one of the GP essays (not during the a levels) in which you were require to discuss the problem. the standard format would be to bring in the pros and cons, and what the government could do such as counselling services blah blah blah. anyone can do that. but i thought it was necessary to delve in slightly deeper and ask why the heck these rates are increasing. and i got soundly thrashed by the teacher who thought i was going off a tangent and not focusing on the question.

so it was quite a moment of vindication for me when i saw the reflect section write a report on the social issues surrounding these rise in divorce rates. one important factor they brought up was that the culture is now "me, me me" and that leads to selfish behavious which isn't compatible in a relationship. well that is partially true, but doesn't cover the whole thing.

in any relation, i believe there are always elements of give and take. you give in some, you take out some. think of it as something like a bank account. sometimes you put a little more in, in times of need you take some out. easy enough to imagine. what happens now, is that everyone's into the withdrawals. they expect something from this outcome, and they're going to have it. think about it. when we talk relations, getting married, whatever, how much of the time do we hear "we expect" or "i expect" or something along those lines? quite a bit, actually. so with expectations running high, withdrawals at a peak and nobody bothering to deposit much, i'm not too surprised that the bank is failing, badly.

of course, that isn't true for all cases. there are some i've been watching develop, and the imbalance is kinda not very safe either. by imbalance i mean if one party is giving way more than another. sooner or later the giving party will get tired, or burnout, and then we'll end up back on square one. which doesn't help much. the question of course is when the burnout happens.

i've got a few more theories on that but as this post is getting way too long i'm leaving it till the next. wouldn't be good for lag.

...

quote:
"fate is a cloth weaved from the many threads of wills. a single strong will to change fate can alter the threads in the cloth into a whole new pattern, and thus change fate itself"
- Miyo Tanaka, Rika Furude, Hanyuu (Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai)

been 3 weeks?

2007-08-30T05:34:00.000-07:00

been a bit long since i last came on here. then again, it's like there isn't much time for it anyway >.> i haven't got time to think through my thoughts properly, even. seems like everyone's caught up in this big rush for studying.
and then i wonder... what's going to happen after this? life is like one big race to the finish line, except we never know what we're gonna do ONCE we reach that finish line.

just walk into any classroom and ask. "what do you want to be or do when you grow up?" i'd bet you'll get answers ranging from having tons of money, to being famous, or popular, or something like that. but noone seems to be able to answer the follow-up question, which is "what you want to do after that?" could you answer it?

this was the closest answer i got:

"so, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
a: "i want to be a millionaire and have lots of money!"
"so, say you're now 35 and earned your millions. now what?"
a: "*thinks for some time* uhm, i'm going to travel around the world!"
"ok, so you travel around the world and see all the sights there is to see. now you're 38 years old. now what?"
a: "..."

would that sound familiar?

...

just went back to visit an old teacher today. in the middle of SCGS, as usual... but oh well. what's there to be afraid of anyway =.= not like staring makes holes in you or something >.>
lost touch with a lot of people, i realised. sometimes things happen beyond my control. sometimes i just watch them drift away, and i know jolly well what's causing it... sighz. i try to be amiable... but sometimes things don't work out...

...

i'm starting to write quite a bit. seems kind of solace, i guess. fiction is always good 'cause it leaves a lot to the imagination. but i seem to like the WRONG kind of fiction >< aghs, we'll see how it turns out, again...

the long haul

2007-08-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

right. a long national day holiday. might as well use the time for something. can't seem to want to study at home at all, but i guess no surprises there...
been thinking quite a bit about an issue or two. and i'm starting to see danger signs glaring out, sometimes subtle, sometimes pretty obvious. hmm. gonna have to come up with a few excuses regarding that situation soon. but i'm kinda lazy at the moment so i'll just continue feigning ignorance =P

hm. right. i wonder. getting rather lazy to input stuff here. not sure whether it's 'cause of that, or nothing much to input. and i continue seeing people's blogs dissolve into oblivion, or abandoned, or simply uttering surfacial gibberish with nothing very interesting to say. well maybe it's interesting to some but gossip isn't my field >.>
i started this page up during a time when blogs were "in", "hot", "trendy" and what not. except i still don't consider myself going with the flow. some people keep diaries, possibly so there's something, or someone, to confide in, or more probably 'cause some things just have to be written down or else it's forgotten. for me, i'd rather look on it as something that i can look back on sometime in the future and go "hey, that's what i thought". how many opportunities like that do we have?

...

right. *cough* national day. quite a few portions to this. the school's one was... well i wouldn't be so mean to say that it's a disappointment... i guess it's just... odd. it really looked more like the kind of stuff we used to have for children's day back in primary school, than a full-fledged national day celebration from a JC. then again, it's much better than the usual performance garbage-cun-assembly we usually get, so i guess it's all good. oh, and the annoying announcements didn't really help. don't need to blare the same message every 5 minutes... we heard you the first time.
heck. too bad i spent the better part of those 6 hours in some dank dark classroom trying to be as quiet as possible >.> but that's another story.
the celebration at night... sorry, it was crowded, dark, and i couldn't see much. the J1s complain that they're sitting on the track but that actually gives them a front-row seat. so i'm not sure why they're complaining. of course, that changes when they've got no interest in the proceedings, but i'm sure everyone wants to see what the performers have painstackingly practised for us, right? of course! was there any doubt?

right. the PM's national day speech is almost the same as every other year. nothing very special, actually. or maybe i just heard too much of the same thing. but the filming location was a nice touch. on top of the main national library branch, overlooking a good chunk of the city. gotta hand it to the location selectors...

ah yes, and the celebration, or parade itself. somehow it just doesn't seem to be as grand as it was before. possibly because the stage was smaller, i guess. not enough space. give and take a bit, i guess. but the water around the stage does allow for a bit more spectacularity for the shows...

...

hm, another point to make. i wonder why everyone's so taboo-iest over the issues of gender and sex? it's like every time it's brought up in class there's some form of discomfort or fidgetyness. i mean, all right, some people are uncomfortable talking about sex, god knows why. maybe it's not something you want to shout out in the street, but isn't not knowing about something worse? the best defense is a good offense. it's always better to be in the know about these damn issues than keep avoiding them your whole life. just don't get out and start yelling about them in the street and it should be ok.

while i'm on that, a study was publishedsaying baby boys are now more "expressive" and "relate better to emotions". the proof? they gave pictures of baby girls to adults telling the adults they were boys, and did the opposite with baby boys. they went on to conclude that most adults deemed the boys more "expressive" and thus boys were more expressive than girls. what the heck. Dung for brains, some people (if you'd pardon the language). you've proven nothing except that societical stereotypes are more entrenched than we think. has nobody thought that perhaps, just perhaps, people are saying the buys are expressive because they are presumed to be girls? and that everyone's just following the stereotype? obviously not =.=

and while i'm on that subject, seems society has placed way too much emphasis on women's rights and stuff. okok, there are SOME countries where the imbalance is pretty obvious, but i think, especially in the developed countries, the scale has been tipped way too much. *cough* before the women's rights activists start hounding after me, it probably warrants a closer look.
if i say the sex laws are unfairly tilted, i don't think anyone would say i'm wrong. just too many examples. heck, even now we separate boys' and girls' dorms not for protection of girls but for the boys! >.> but no, i think i'd mention education this time.

more and more researches keep showing that boys are getting handicapped in school. that they're being outperformed, blah blah blah. genius. go figure. apparently nobody ever took the trouble to find out why though. like doh, if you put a rowdy, hungry-for-action boy into a classroom setting to learn alphabets, words and penmanship that seems to have no use or significance whatsoever, they're obviously NOT gonna have an interest. what's more, once the mindset that school is a bore and is a waste of time. you can kiss dreams of that person doing well in school. let's turn the tables around and say that in grade 1 and 2 (or primary school for us, since most researches are carried out in europe/US) there wasn't the classroom subjects but you're graded on physical development, i.e. you have to run, jump, move about and you'll be graded on that. let's have a look then, who's going to have learning difficulties, eh?

on that note, it can't help but be noticed that the subject of gays and homosexuality is in the newspaper print again. why are those two terms almost synonymous now? isn't there the other side of the coin to homosexuality? you never even hear about lesbianism, do you? i don't think anyone ever wondered why. but there's a good reason for them to focus on gays so much. plus why they bring a myriad of STDs and stuff.

gotta get to the basic first though. everyone knows sexual stimulation is caused by hormones in the body, right? right. just so happens that the hormone respnsible for it in guys is testosterone, the same one for physical violence. what this means is that the sexual urge is usually accompanied by a need either to hurt or for hurt. which is also the reason for the great big BDSM market, but that's another story. it's of interesting note that any sexual urge a woman has listening to a recording of sexual contact is immediately lost if one of the parties involved is hurt, in any way. curiously enough, most women know that, and is reflected as they say they're put off by emotional or physical pain. but here's the interesting bit: they think OTHER women will be aroused in midst of pain. why? i can't understand that bit. perhaps one day someone would explain it to me.

in any case, back on track. also to note is that the sexual drive of most men is at least 20-30 times higher than that of a woman. i think there's something biological in there that dates back to ancient times, since a woman has to carry to baby and stuff... anyway, it's hard fact.
so where does this lead us? that in a normal, heterosexual marriage, the woman usually acts as a sort of "inhibitor", i'm guessing. and well... in gay couplings... no holds barred, plus there's no emotional attachment that comes with women. so i guess there is some truth in them being more promiscious, on the purely biological level.

still, that doesn't give us the right to condemn people or what not. it's not like it's a personal choice or something. think of it as a writing hand. you can be left-handed, right-handed or ambidextrous. it's a kind of inborn thing, right? unless someone wants to tell me s/he actually changed their writing hand by training =.=. So! in your sexual orientation you're either hetero, homo, or bi. same as right, left and ambi. so we might as well be condemning all left-handers, or condemning all who have blue eyes. yea. tell me when that happens so i can get a ticket out.

...

to end of the extra-extra long post, i don't have the usual quote. well i do, another innuendo from the MCs over at national day celebrations in school, but i came across something from HML that i thought was better. except that it's a whole story, so this post is just gonna get that bit longer... (slightly adapted, as some parts i thought wasn't as striking)

There was once a girl who was blind. She despised life because of this, and would lament for hours on end. Her boyfriend was the ever caring type, always there for her in times of need, yet he knew that she would not be happy as she could not see. One day, a pair of eyes came to her, and after a lengthy operation, she could see again (okay, i'm not sure if there are eye transplants, but for story's sake let's assume there is). the first person to be there was, of course, her ever faithful boyfriend, whom was happy for her. alas, she realized with a shock that he was blind too, and called off the relationship. heartbroken, he took his own life, leaving her with a note.

"Dear, please take care of my eyes."

...
question is, if you're in that situation, would you do it? don't give the "correct" answer please, answer honestly... i dunno. i think i would have expected the be tossed aside. Human relations are like that. when you're a burden, or of no further use, it's "goodbye" to any relations you have had. your person is only as much as your utility and how much use you could be to others. pessimistic? maybe. but it's the truth.
but even then, i believe i'd still have given up myself for others. life is too short to enjoy on your own. better to spend it making others slightly better off. after all, what's a little cost or pain to you, if you can make others happy?

...

A/N: oh yes, another music change. two songs this time, and clearing of the old ones. as always, translated is better for understanding, i think.

don't rush, don't rush

2007-07-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

yea yea i know i haven't been updating for a dang long time. don't push me. nothing much of interest to say these few days anyway, so rather than post nonsensical stuff might as well leave it blank. been busy around anyhow. i should get to revision really sometime soon dammit >.>

will think of something intelligent and long by national day, i hope.

week of farewells

2007-07-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

no i'm not talking about any clubs or societies. don't have much attachment theres anyways. although it isn't wrong to say that this is supposedly our last week of involvement with suff like that. SUPPOSEDLY we're supposed to be concentrating on mugging and stuff... but i don't think i'll be doing that anytime soon...

hm, i was thinking more of the tree out there, the one overlooking the basketball courts, the one that can be prominently seen from the library. the one that made headlines about 2 weeks ago and still looks as majestic as ever. damn bureaucracy and their iron-clad will... accidents there happen with a poisson distribution, dammit. i recall a lot of other areas where accidents are MORE frequent and nothing is done.
bzzt. never mind. things don't change anyway. made a last imprint of it in my mind on friday... hopefully they wouldn't have gone to remove it by tomorrow, but chances of that are rather slim.

on a side note i have to change my bed too... not that i've outgrown it or anything (well actually i did, but that was a long time ago...) but 'cause the bed springs are old or something. in any case it sags and stuff and my parents think it's bad for my back. i don't think anything is worse for my back than the way i sit, acutally. but doesn't matter >.>

...

living is getting more and more tiring these few days. why? maybe it's because we're studying in a co-ed school now? or something else? anyway i found quite a few striking differences that make life hard...
number one, of course, is that everyone is in for popularity now. don't really know the reason why or something, but in any case that seems to be the situation. popularity didn't seem to be too much of an issue back in sec school. having a group of friends who sits and chat was about enough. now it seems to dictate everything. your social standing, everything. in fact i've seen people go out of their way of doing things just for that sake. and others changed a lot since i knew them. o well. part and parcel in the circle of life, isn't it?

...

hmm... it seems a phenomenon i thought i observed much earlier this year is starting again... although maybe this time it wouldn't be as full-blown as before. need more space and time than i have to sort out everything i'm thinking. perhaps i'm being more forward than i thought i was...

...

oh yea, got 2 more songs. one is just nice tune and all. the second is something i've been looking for a long time. very nice, lyrics especially. and it applies to some ppl i know too. heh.

...

quote of the week (from our J1 jap club chair)

me: "that's some powerful stuff you use on your hair(referring to his spiky hair). what do you use?"
guo zhong: "nothing much la. just makes it wet and hard"
*1 second passes*
*2 seconds pass*
*everyone starts laughing*

calm before the storm...

2007-07-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

and storm it will be, when Mr Wong rages as he returns out scripts tomorrow. not looking too forward to it but ah well, what comes will come. hopefully not getting a single-digit score is more than enough for me heh. there's always the next test... and the next... and the next... until wherever it stops. not like it does, anyway. life is one big test.

...

just looking at the monday article. memories are powerful things, yet we can't even begin to comprehend it. memories associated with certain things bring about irrational fears, bouts of joy or just uncomprehensible nostalgia. it's really powerful and a little scary at times. how to use or harness this energy though, is rather difficult. in fact most therapy sessions for irrational fears first try to find out your memory, and then try to make you forget it. to that, they shouldn't be called therapy sessions, more like brainwashing sessions. heh.

...

pressure's building up already. numerous university applications loom + number of tests and stuff also piling up. oh well, the human spirit is a lot more resilient than any of us think, actually. just like how an egg shell can support the weight of four books. well, since the curse (as noted by yijun) has already been fulfilled this year, i guess that means the rest of us are safe... more or less speaking anyway. when are you safe on earth? heh.

...

i'm this close to closing another chapter in my life. and when one closes a chapter, one usually would like to bring something away from it. i brought stuff away from chapters before, but this time i'm kinda at a loss. experience? bad ones. knowledge? let's not go into that. otherwise we wouldn't be in school so i don't count that anyway. people? hah! i think my esteem of the population made a nose-dive since coming in. so in the end what DO i bring away? hmmm i've got another 4 months to think about that, i guess.

...

quote of the week:
"no one would miss me" - Roxas, KH2.

should say the same thing myself, i guess. after saying goodbye to all the clubs and stuff i've been having fun in to go back to books. farewell party? mian le ba....

last week... gone to waste too

2007-06-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

4 weeks of break shortened to just barely over a week. gee thanks for the scheduling, people. bleh. i'm just gonna try and PASS all my subjects. giving up on econs and geog (those are slightly easier to pass) and whacking full strength on chem and math. however far that will get me. bleh.

...

not many things to write about this week though, surprisingly. so just gonna be a short post lest some idiots think this thing is getting stale again (as if you've got the right to say that, "last post 28th may" >.>)

i still stand by what i said some time ago. relationships and friendships are rather mutually exclusive. there are those who tell me they aren't, and then there are those who tell me of the totally exclusive in all senses of the word >.> well i don't think so la. i don't really think it's going to affect existing outside friendships... then again i'm not the one claiming some people (or rather an entire group of people =X) are going around like rabbits...

i remember another post i made a long way back, possibly 3 months or even older. one in the middle of the week, which was pretty rare. a good story i came across and all.. and i'm starting to think that that's the situation i find myself in. in the narrator's shoes exactly, in fact. sighz. maybe the time comes to take action, maybe it hasn't. i suppose i'm going to wait it out. timing's a little delicate as of now...

now, if the songs up there could be translated, readers will find that the theme is roughly the same. it's not just nice music we look out for here folks =3. then again, it'll take someone with quite good inference to figure out what's the real thought going on behind. that, or must be the only person i've told so far. heh.

...

quote: (well actually an entire related conversation)

Lishun: "so my mom was asking me who was calling. so i said "my boyfriend". then she asked "which boyfriend?""
all of us fell down on the floor XD.

If I am Missing or Dead...

2007-06-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

quite an interesting book, actually. as much as you wouldn't like to believe it it's actually an autobiography. there are quite a lot of autobiographies out there, actually. but most of the time it's like some great people and all... *cough* too many examples. might get carried away there. the two i currently have is by not-so-significant people, actually. one is by paul rusesabagina, hero on the movie hotel rwanda (and of course, fact is a lot more horrifying that fiction. and you already know my distatste for americanized films) and the second is this.

and heck, it isn't as good. not so many morals and meanings and stuff. preferred paul's one. but still. it's rather depressing and all. let me correct that. VERY depressing. reading it kinds of makes you further lose faith in people. not that i have much left, anyway.

but an interesting thing was brought up at the end of it. it says (words not exact) "don't think you're alone. you aren't. if you had asked, there will always be people who will come for you". nice words. but i always wondered the truth behind them. sure, perhaps people like your immediate family would help. that's always a given. but it's the "outside" people that i'm wondering about. if the day should come where you have lost everything and nothing to give, but need help in all aspects, how many people will actually lend a helping hand out of pure goodwill?

let's turn that question around and produce two. if one day you should meet an accident (touch wood, i'm just making an example). when you wake up in the hospital who would you want to see by your bedside? and a more pressing question: who would actually BE by your bedside (immediate family aside) waiting for your return to conciousness? i'm not talking about visiting like 3 days after you wake and all already. that's more of a nice gesture... something akin to a handshake.

...

haven't been able to study much, actually. i just realized only how packed my hols are. hardly a free day to mug properly. just two things to write about and get off my chest for a bit. one is holiday in koh samui (weird name) and the second is tha' funny NS health screening thingy that was concluded yesterday.

koh samui is nice. nice beach, small island, lots of greenery and all. i'm probably one of those crazy nature lovers. don't really like man-made landscapes. i think the record for me is sitting at the seaside looking out and away (probably thinking also, but can't remember) for 8 hours at a go. yea, i went back for dinner. dunno, but there's just something about good nature landscape that draws me in.

oh well. that's the good part. the bad part is that i missed all three sunrises >.> sigh. not an early waker. *cough* and wouldn't you believe it, the whole place is like super-americanized. steaks, selling business suits, bar and pubs... blah blah. i swear, there are more americans/europeans than locals there. we stick out like some sore thumbs 'cause we're like not blond. eh. but it's good too. that means we don't get pestered by locals peddling goods =3

NS health screening yesterday (monday) bleh. probably shouldn't have performed so freaking well for NAPFA tests. now i got denied my PES C. bleh. too bad la. PES B ain't too bad... i hope. from the looks of it there ain't any difference... did quite ok on my aptitude tests, i believe. at least i hope so. died for the english component though. my language stinks as usual >.>

agh. they took a bit too much blood though. what they need so much for i don't know. oh well. and the X-ray doctor looks scary. it's like the scientist who created frakenstein, or a Dr.Jenkyll. he's this small midget, with sunken eyes, a dark ring under one eye and just creeps you out in general. and the worse part was he sounds like this old, fat indian lady. (sorry, stereotyping here) as in, we all thought it was some fat woman doing our X-Ray until we saw him. then we got freaked >.>

...

ah yes, quote: (from the book mentioned in the title)
"there are only two ways men look at women: down they're shirt or up their skirt"

great half of the species we are, eh. and no don't the women gloat too much, i'm pretty sure i can find something to balance that soon enough.

end of term 2

2007-05-24T10:07:00.000-07:00

terms 2 passes by. time flies when you're not paying attention, yet when you want it to something always seems to go wrong. CT's coming up after the holidays. i know if i take them now i'm just heading for deep trouble, so let's just see how much we can salvage from a rush during the june hols.

oddly enough, every time i look at my message inbox i get the feeling that history repeats itself. something very very similar happened last year, around the exact same time. i don't want to think about it, but that is the truth. can't run from that. i'm clinging on to every last bit of hope, somewhat. afraid to take a step forward, but afraid that the same thing will happen again if nothing is done.

...

which brings me to ask, is it better to do something and regret what you've done, or do nothing and then regret that nothing was done? i'm always one to prefer action. rather than keep thinking what would have happened had action been taken. at least my conscience is clear that i've done my best and what i deem to be right, and heck about what others think. i'm not here for popularity.

speaking of which, i'm not essentially busy. if i'm really busy i will state it. don't make too many assumptions, as i've learnt because those assumptions tend to be wrong. it's not that i'm perpetually busy or summat, it's just that i hate wasting time. there's once an inventor whose name eludes me at the moment (i'll find it soon enough) who never stayed still at one spot. every moment spent doing nothing was a moment wasted to him. and i buy that story. time on earth is short, and things don't happen to you. things actually happen because someone makes them happen. so why sit there and wait?

having said that, you'll more often than not find that whatever i'm doing is not crucial. if it is i'll say so. otherwise, 90% of the time i can put down whatever i'm doing, or just multi-task.

...

and i hate to say this, but i didn't notice something very wrong with a particular situation, because my attention was divided elsewhere. it's like argh. now on hindsight all the signs were there, and they weren't even difficult to spot. then again, hindsight is always 20/20. wish i could do something before this disaster happened. the consolation, i guess is that it's kinda temporary. unless i've misread something again, things should be back to normal pretty soon... i hope.

P.S. added new song. does anyone recognize it? =3

week 8 passes uneventfully...

2007-05-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

this week's been a boring week. nothing much spectacular. that can be good, too. also means that nothign especially bad happens. not that it could get any worse after last week. i still can't really get over it, and i doubt i'm the only one. i'm still wondering why. i'm not one to lose temper easily, i usually hold it in quite well and even if i do lose it, it's usually a temporary thing and i get my calmness back quite quickly. just this time it's still lingering. why? it's not really like me, is it?...

...

what induces someone to give up everything for nothing? i have nothing to offer, no connections, no network to influential people, casted at the side as a renegade, and even blamed for any mishaps that happen. i've told you why being around me might make you lose some important things that weren't easy to come by. good support, plenty of opportunities and possibly light favourtism. and yet you say you don't care. that people's opinions aren't to be considered. what induces the decision to give up everything? i wish i knew the answer someday. never had anyone give up anything for me since i've ever known (except parents, but that's a given) so i'm really... somewhat moved, i guess. if it is sincere. sorry, i question motives everywhere i go now. if you'd led the life i did, i suppose you would, too.

...

i'm also beginning to wonder... why are so many people abandoning themselves? the many people that i see everyday, aren't their true selves. if it is their true selves, i shudder for the fate of humanity. it's like everyone's hiding behind a mask, showing others what others want to see, regardless of whether it's the right thing to do. is fame and popularity really that important in life? i've heard that to survive in this world that's the way we have to be. i refuse to acknowledge that. survival is high on the priority list, yes, but it cannot be placed higher than personal values and morals.

...

Quote of the week: "even if a person wins the nobel prize, even if he becomes the president of the united states, if he has lost his self-respect and personal values, in all of humanity he can only rank as last"

beautiful. unfortunately there are quite a few people who have lost their personal values, it seems. wait a minute, what am i talking about... you can't lose something you never had, now can you?

counting down the weeks...

2007-05-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

count the weeks... not many left, is there. and i already see the tests looming in the background. studying solo... is hell. but i highly doubt i'll be able to get anyone to mug with me this time though. usually it's more fun than mug depending on the people.

remember the old saying that geniuses have it the hardest? not that difficult to find the examples. they're all over in history and present, even. or rather, there's a nicer name called "eccentric" nowadays. nobody ever wonders why, do they? well, just as a personal opinion, i think it works both ways. geniuses see the world in a different way. simply put they're the mental cases that succeeded. so just as they don't see the world the way we do, the rest of us can't see the world the way they do. it's this conflict of views that make them outcasts, is it not?

...

was reading today's (sunday's) paper, and there was rather a full-length report on cyber-posting and stuff. i wasn't exactly surprised that the most important things seemed to be status, and the way to get status online seems to be popularity and hits blah blah (i think the report summarizes it better than me).
which got me thinking... what exactly is it about popularity that is such an attraction? seems almost everyone here is caught up in that frenzy. note the word "almost". is it acceptance? status? influence? too many questions and too little answers... and the very people who can provide the answers, probably don't have them.

...

another thing about today's paper is the report about letting people coming into your house. depends on the tack, i guess. the ruse used in this case was that they needed to use the toilet. ok, that was an example. point is would you go out of your way to help others?
one year ago if you asked me that question, it would have been a very quick and definite "yes". half a year ago i would say "depends on the situation" but most likely still a yes. if you ask me now though, it's going to be an absolute "no". i was the one who stated that "people are scum" so why should i be helping scum? the absolute truth about humankind is that false pretences or whatever that we keep up, at the end of the day we're still very much alone.

just think about it this way. if one day you lost everything, every single thing. no future, no assets, no nothing. family aside, who would come to your aid? think carefully before answering. the number of times that people i thought were friends have turned out not to be, well more than enough to prove my point already...

...

i still remember my GP essay, when i argued for women being better than men at politics. how could they not? everything on my essay is just the bits i had to add to support my stand, but the absolute, blunt and bitter truth, i couldn't put it in. and that is the simple fact that they're everyday life is strewn with politics. i'm not kidding. the amount of politics the average girl goes through in a day is like more than enough to kill my brain trying to guess 1,001 things. from motives, to intentions, to underlying reasons, to pasts, to interests blah blah... i wouldn't survive a single week in their shoes...

...

and as usual, the quote for the week

"the true mark of high-level sentient life, is something or someone that praises and admires other people at least 3 times a day, while atthe same time ridiculing it/him/herself at least 3 times a day"

the great scheme of education

2007-04-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

the education system, simply put, turns us into rabbits. schools are like rabbit farms, and students compete to see who first completes the transition from student to rabbit. far-fetched? maybe, but i don't go making statements without backing (however skewed the backing may be)

let's see... rabbits are cute, docile and quiet. sounds familiar? they always run back to their home ground, their burrow, or their owner, when intimidated. just like how we're supposed to approach adults to solve our problems instead of trying to strike out on our own. oh no, it doesn't stop here.

rabbits have long ears. they hear very well. apparently students are supposed to be very well-informed, and to climb the social ladder in any school you also have to be amiable in a group like rabbits, who always congregate. long ears helps in listening out for rumours, gossips, whatever that may prove beneficial. triple-plated mouth helps in talking, proliferating such things.

oh, and let's not forget the red eyes, envy and steam coming out of their ears when someone does better than them. oh, and the short tail to. chinese saying "pulled your tail" when referring to someone identifying your fault or shortcoming. so the tail is short to avoid such instances.

in school, teachers like obedient, quiet, docile students. at home, parents like obedient, quiet, tame children. seems like since we came on earth everyone's trying to erase who we are and make us conform to the rest. if that's the case, might as well buy a rabbit and ease the pain of labour...

...

sometimes you take a step back in life and find yourself such an insignificant speck. astronauts always have this feeling when gazing at earth from space. you don't need to go to space to do that though, just count the number of times you feel helpless and despair when things don't conform the way you want it. or heck, even when you KNOW it's spiralling towards its doom you can't do anything. life isn't kind sometimes.

...

quote of the week:
"If you think you're indispensible, take a look at the graveyard and look at all the people there." - Lee (198x)

great advice, too bad these words weren't heeded by the person who came up with the quote in the first place.

better to be too concerned or not at all?

2007-04-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

in this world, we always talk about "balance". it is the ideal, it's what we always want, but i highly doubt there actually exists such thing as balance. hypocritical mankind. well, we get what we give, i guess.
my parents are the type who constantly yells at me for every small detail. at times i'm thanksful for it. but at times i'm envious of those whose parents don't really give a damn. two extremes. like i said, there's no middle ground, and we're hardly in the position to choose. but i'm always curious to know, which exactly is better?

...

i might soon start taking a leaf out of yijun's book (or in this case, website) although that form of hinting isn't really my style. still slightly too obvious for me. heh. which brings me to another point.

it seems i read people a bit too well. that good? not sure either. but it certainly helps in trying to feel out what people are feeling or experiencing. and it helps because most of the time nobody is gonna tell you that to your face. then again, there are some people who are easier to read than others, and some who hide them really well.
and i've been told i hide things well too. do i? i'm not so sure. but i guess if that's what ppl tell me i could take it at face value.

...

getting pretty tired of RJ politics, really. too damn many all over the place. especially since we're in J2 year and it's that time of the year we choose for handover. singapore a meritocratic society? the education system a meritocratic place? pah, don't make me laugh. so much politics that it's not even funny. as of now, i just can't wait till handover is over. then i'll sit back and look at what's gonna become of things. i'm too tired of trying to change things and getting a brush-off. you want to keep thigns currently? go ahead. i don't care anymore. in fact, why did i even do so in the first place?

...

i'm gonna start a quote of the week, i think. not funny ones though...

"parents who pressure their children to be great, are never great themselves"

competition season

2007-04-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

there's a fine line between balancing results versus studies, but that line is pretty darn hard to find. my dad's been yelling at me becausei've been playing a lot of bridge lately, but competition season is here. gotta practice and all. i bet it's the same with sportsmen, right? just that they don't get yelled at for training because it isn't at home.

...

apparently, my trust got misplaced again. as much as i want to and as much as i try to, one-way conversations don't work out. don't try to evade my questions, please, or i get the feeling i'm not trusted. as i said, the two most important things to me, are loyalty and trust. these two i prize above everything else. and i do the same to friends too. so when i'm not trusted... well that bond is kinda broken. and that's not a good thing.

i'm pretty good at figuring some things out, i'm not all that thick, although sometimes i don't let on. non-verbal signals are pretty telling. so when i do ask, please answer something. it's all right if you can't tell me just yet, but don't evade forever.

and another thing, never be sorry for whatever you say and do. i do NOT buy "i'm sorry". to me it really doesn't serve any purpose and it doesn't have any meaning. i take responsibility for whatver i do or say, and i usually mean it. i'd like the same treatment. "i'm sorry" doesn't have any effect. if you really are, then show it through actions not words. got quite a few people this applies to, hope you're awake enough to know.

...

yijun told me that there are a few people who think the world revolves around them. that everything is me me me. well i won't deny that, but i doubt i'd agree 100% either. i mean, isn't that a universal human trait? we all tend to do that some time. and most likely, we won't even notice. especially for guys, wanting to show off is pretty natural, and i guess i won't fault you for it. just try to tone it down a little esp when others aren't feeling so good already?
and also, i need someone to give me a wake-up knock when that happens to me. 'cause as i said i probably wouldn't notice it.

...

what's it like to lose your best buddies? it's very unnerving to see an unbreakable person... well... broken. like that pillar of support, the person who stands through problems and crisis with calmness and stuff? when that unmmovable person breaks down, it's very unnerving. one 'cause there must be soemthing super-wrong, or, well i can't think of anything else. just think about one person whom you think doesn't get fazzled in any circumstance and is always cheery, and think of him/her in depression. it's just unnerving, somehow. makes you feel a little helpless too.

short post, huh? got a few more small stories but maybe it'll be left to next time.

P.S. oh, and to someone. nice try. i know what's going on. minimal details and all, i know the general idea and situation. nice job of covering it up though. got almost all the details plugged. and no. those weren't just little bits of emo to fit... i would have bought that story if it wasn't for your posture and gesture. heh.

history repeats itself, time and again

2007-04-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

i'm sick of the false pretences. really. just say it out blunt, and it'll go easier on me. first you plan something that only a few people know of. then supposedly the information was passed down to the rest but it never was. even the the information keeps changing at your whim and fancy. if your place, time and activity keeps changing, what the hell is going on? you're just trying to dump us off, that's what.

it's not even like bad communication or bad planning. if it was either of the above i expect some mess, and i expect that at least those higher up in the hierarchy knows what's going on. but noooo. only THOSE few people know. last year, not even the CT rep. this year, not even the exco! same situation, same despicable act, different circumstances. what does that say about people? i don't need to say it out, i think.

...

Speaking of people, as days pass i find myself losing more and more faith in people. i've told of this to various people, and ordinarily someoen would have raised the alarm about depression or suicidal tendencies but somehow i've been told there's no worry because i've "got my head screwed on tight". is it because my arguments for this view are strong and convincing? or do people just brush it off as a passing trend? better not, because far from passing it's getting worse.

the quote "most people are scum" or "people are scum" came from me. i now have to change it. i was dead wrong. boy was i wrong. it should now read "ALL people are scum".

i've had enough, i'm not willing to take any more risks helping or trusting people. there are last two friends whom i still have faith in the complete link with. as for the rest, good luck. i may remain a good friend, share joy, share your situation, be around with you, but i highly doubt i'll ever tell you my inner stories, or let you know my person at all. just not worth it any longer. just opening myself to the vulnerablility of getting hurt more.

everyone tells me i need friends. and i ask them in turn: define friends. handing out ammunition that can potentially come back to haunt you, well i'd rather not. said this before and i'll say it again. life isn't a popularity contest. i don't need hoards of people going goo-goo over me. i don't need to try and fit in with everyone else. i am who i am. if you can't accept me for that, then goodbye, have a nice day. i don't need many friends, i need good, loyal ones. if there aren't any such people left, i can strike out on my own. the human spirit is a lot more resilient than you might think.

To the few people concerned, maybe you don't recognize when words hurt. i certainly don't, at times. but it is these things that break that bond of trust and loyalty. i'm sorry, maybe next time (if there is one) i should make it more clear.

P.S. as you can tell i'm not in the most jovial of moods. so i give a fair warning here. any flames, insults or pointless posting will get you an IMMEDIATE ban plus deletion, no questions asked.

yay, i got my music changed

2007-04-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

i've only got 4 musics on the list now... i'll add more as i get them. hope they're good now anyway. so i shouldn't be hearing any more complaints. heh.

and to person who posted... well whatever you want to think. i'm getting tired of replying to incessant, unintelligible posts like this. if that's your perception, forget it, i'm not bothering to change it. time is the best indicator of people.

it's super late now and i'm not too sure i can form what i want to say in a proper format. i.e. non-offensive, subtle and all that. i seriously need to rephrase it loads. when you see the final result later, remember that it has gone through layers of editing.

on a bright side, good friday is coming around. slightly more time to catch up with work.

2007-03-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

can't believe i forogt about this. thought i did update it some time ago. memory playing tricks again. another testament to my ageing process, eh...

CIP with the children was quite... fun. small little balls of energy. i seriously do not know how the people at the childcare centre manage to put up with it. gotta have some qualification or something, i suppose. bleh, i was having some trouble keeping up with their pace. plus we didn't get to eat lunch. hmmz
going to dance immediately after that wasn't very helpful to my legs either =X

to mark, hm, i guess different people have different tastes, after all. i can't stand banshee musics (the ones with a lot of wailing) but some people love it. i guess my stuff ain't suited to your tastes. but if you had the translated lyrics i hope you'd think differently.

...

Mr leong's announcement last week was rather... entertaining. eh. i seriously don't know what to say la... quite a lot of theories about why relations are so abundant this year though. every year there are some, last year there were two in my class, but that's not the point. there seems to be an exceptionally high count this year. quite an interesting thing we were talking about during the arts alive competition too. why? because 40% of the drawings submitted had something to do with relationships, la...

i was trying to be nice and say "the innocence of youth" or something like that, the person beside me said it was "raging hormones" heh. i don't know. is it the ice block i've built up around, or have i passed that stage? because i sure as heck don't share the same sentiments as at least half the school, it seems.

interesting comments "maybe it's a period of testing and trials, to know what to expect" hm, yea right. all the best to those then. then there's "maybe they're confusing the increased heart rate due to stress and that." oh, right. like we didn't see that coming.

...

if you want my take on it though, i highly doub i've much to say. i don't open up as much as most people would. opening up makes you more vulnerable. it's just like they say it's important to have close friends, who you can turn to for listening ears and yadda yadda. it's all fine and dandy when we need that kind of help, and it's nice to have someone to hear you out. but turn the situation around and you will also notice they have more ammunition to throw. a trade-off? maybe. but after what i think of people, i don't really think i wanna make that trade yet.

another point in the "mind your body" paper today. when to bring the sex ed to children? i dunno. i really don't. way too late at JC level, that's for sure. i mean... student development? no regrets? arrgh ><

P.S. youngest successful birth in Singapore : 9 years old. youngest successful birth in the world: 5 years 4 months.
can i say IMBA? or should i say skillded? i dunno. 5 years omg... i can't even imagine ><

the profound statement that saved a marriage

2007-03-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

"XXX, you're a fair-weather friend! as long as i'm sweet, loving and caring you're here for me. but as soon as i'm not, you walk right out that door!"

the quote kind of remained in my head somewhere after reading that. which makes for some thinking... we often have fun with friends and share, and stuff. but it doesn't really factor into the equation. we can live life without fun (although it's boring). still though, importance comes when we're in pain. at that point in time, we have nothing to give, and everything to claim. how many will stand out during those times to lend a hand, knowing they would probably get nothing in return?

an age-old adage went by: In this world you have to help yourself, because if you don't, nobody else would help you. in fact there were times (and there are times) when helping someone puts you at a distinct disadvantage. a few years ago, a child actress lost a lead role because she was an hour late in arriving at the shooting scene. the reason for the tardiness? she helped an old grandmother find her way to her grandchild's house. it's rather oxymoronic that in this society, we keep lamenting about how values are downtrodden and all, but actions don't exactly justify the words. in this particular instance, she was berated for "wasting time and energy" and "serves you right for losign that role". the irony speaks for iteself. as i said before, it's laughably ridiculous when what people preach and what their actions are are in contrast.

...

we try to prevent accidents in real-life, do we not? (well if anyone would like accidents to happen to them please raise hands >_>) but as much as we try to avoid them, sometimes they just happen. why else would we call them accidents? what would you do in the face of an accident? breeze thorugh and just try to smoke? take it head on?

life is rather short in iteself, and almost everyone dies with regrets. don't know why, it's just a human trait, i guess. the best answer i could find to that, would be that use the opportunity while you're on this world, to do what you love to do. time passes quickly, even at our age (since the oldies complain time passes quickly) and is rather elusive at times. personally, i'm not too into the argument of sacrificing the now for success or joy in the future. it's like that student of plato's... by the time he walks to the end of the field of flowers, he realized it's too late to pick any of them. same thing, by the time we keep anticipating joy and success in the future, it would be too late. there's nothing left to enjoy.

...

one last thing... when you entrust someone to do something, do you still constantly hover and monitor the situation? do you try to improve it, make it a success by other means? because while i can see that a lot of people do that, unltimately it sends a signal that "i don't trust you to do a good job". it is like throwing a bucket of cold water, or hurling an insult at whoever you've chosen for the job. it undermines their capability. so in future, if you want to delegate a task, just expect it by the dateline and maybe send a reminder or two. otherwise, just take it on by yourself.

P.S. i hate to bring this up, but it seems i was right. no responses or replies for nearly a week. guess it's always easier to melt away into the backgrounds when you have that protection of annonymity over your head, eh? all posts removed.

Fashan kat maan nat, maan q'a nat

2007-02-22T05:29:00.000-08:00

sometimes the right thing to do isn't the important thing to do. so when do we choose what to do? that's kinda hard to define... that's what makes us unpredictable. sometimes we choose what is right, sometimes we choose what is important, but all the time, we do what we feel is the best choice isn't it?

thanks for most of the replies i got from my last post. breaks the record for most responses. heh. but that's not the point. couple of interesting points, and also some very... useless comments. i got one "live with it, there's nothing you can do about the situation so stop whining about the problem." oh, so that's your view of life. if something's wrong, it's always going to be wrong, so we take a back seat and don't bother with it? so next time you fall sick i don't wanna see you at the doctor's. you're sick, so something's wrong with your body. why should you do something about it?

just to round up i thought i'd post what i thought was quite a good music video. i don't listen to english songs much, but this one was really good and had some powerful messages, i thought.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5AhkCoamAo

...

for the romance fans out there, also got some insight to share. the trigger for this discussion, oddly enough, was new year's visiting at relatives. past years it's always the oldies talk among themselves (happens all the time innit) and my gen (or what's left of it) play some random things like mahjong, or goof around a bit... this year some things change. for one they brought their girlfriends over. and we all know how hard it is to try and join in the conversation when that happens. and we all know people don't feel like doing anything else, either. so i get left off around. but that's besides the point.

how true is it that without that initial spark, you can just "get things going" just hanging around long enough? i'm not talking about those cheesy love-hate relationships because they've been done to death. what i mean is if you don't feel anything at all but just "try out for a month" or something along those lines. because that's how hook-up dates, partnership agencies and the like work, and i'm beginning to wonder how effective they really are.

and then it went on to a sort of gp-ish discussion from there. which, isn't really that bad of a thing but does get grating at times.

point #1: the best way to get over a terrible relationship, which in most circumstances has ended, is to get into a new one. make sure the new one is better, lasts longer and is more memorable than the old one. that way you'll forget the bitter memories of the first. but careful not to fall into the rebound trap though. a rebound is where you clutch at anything to fill up the empty hole within you. that's not healthy, either yourself or whoever you're clutching to.

point #2: in order to truely understand the owrkings of love, you have to experience it first. why do some people say they're second marriages (after decease of a spouse) work out well? because they know what to look out for. it's part of experience, i think. something you learn along as you go...

then there are my points, the other side of the story... which sounds mroe of a rant, but well, i try to keep emotions out of my arguments because they just aren't very persuasive.

point #1: exclusive unhealthy relationships. nothing wrong with having a relation, in fact it might give you a new outlook on life and such, and maybe even something to look forward to (because we all know how dreary school can be) but it's rather unhealthy when other people are shut out. there are some couples that are like permanently stuck together. can't even get a word in without feeling weird. it's almost akin to being anti-social. but i guess different slices for different folks...

point #2: i don't really share this. iit's kept somewhere i'd rather not surface, but it did come out. and it did silence them. why do i keep distances from people? or more like, why hasn't anyone been able to penetrate this ice? why? because this ice has hardened over time. trust, and information about yourself, when shared too readily, can become tools of comfort, but can also become deadly weapons used against you. and one of the things that makes you lose faith in humankind as a whole, is that of betrayal. few people know the true meaning of betrayal. a promise not kept? a bond of trust broken? those are minor incidences. constituent of betrayal is when and i quote: "you never treat someone special, walk all over him, tear him to pieces, and then abandon him" don't ask me where i got the quote from, but take it from me that it's true. and i know it.

conclusion? sorry, i believe you can make one on your own. have happy and healthy relationships, people. that's the best i can say for the new year.

WAKE UP!

2007-02-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

an apology in advance, this is going to be somewhat of a rant. and when i do that, emotion takes over logic. sorry, i don't do this very often, but i have to get stuff out of my system. if any constructive criticism comes out of it (in posts, comments or anything) they'd be appreciated. if it's just going to be baseless insults, slanders and tempers, then i'm going to ignore them. as you probably already know, i'm not in for a popularity contest. in this world, yes friends make a better place and all that, but if you can't stand up on your own and stand up for what's right, then you're not amounitng to much in this world anyway.

*************************************************************************

it's ironic... no, laughably hilarious, that the very perpertrators of a situation should be the first to complain and lament about the situation. i have no issue with that. honestly speaking i have no issue with that and sometimes i'm quite happy too that some other people see the problem. what i have a problem, a BIG issue with is the way the problem is put across. the tone, the sublimal messaging, i don't care if otehr people keep quiet about it. i'm NOT going to keep quiet about something if it's blatantly untrue. the way it comes across, every thing leading up to the current situation is OUR fault.

complain about us not sharing a table or talking at lunch? who's the people who exclude us from the discussions in the first place? turning your back 45 degrees IS a non-verbal signal for "go away" for those who are ignorant. shutting down conversation topics we try to start isn't the best way to get us to talk. being excluded from a conversation is never nice and is never a nice feeling. it just shows disrespect for the person trying to join in. after a while, the hint gets across and it becomes "why bother trying to enter the conversation?" if you don't know how it feels like, do please try and enter conversations in which a select few are talking loudly, ignoring whatever you say. then maybe you'll get an idea.

we don't participate in activities, and participation is minimal? perhaps if we KNEW about the damn activities we would have been more involved. but no, it's always organized and catered to the same few people, and the rest are rarely invited. how many times has it been that outings and such were organized, and that everyone was invited? and how many times when a FEW people can't make it the whole thing is called off? search deep and tell me the answer.

that aside, how many times have we actually caught on to the plan and asked about it, only to be brushed off? how many times has it been when blatant signals are given to get off your back? and how many times have some of us (or at least me) tried to come along anyway and gotten shaken off delibrately mid-way? the first time it happened, i was pissed but i forgave (after due apology). the second time i was annoyed but still tolerated. the third time, i gave up. why should i put so much effort into trying to attend and participate when equal effort is being put into trying to shake us off? might as well conserve that energy and direct it elsewhere. benefits all of us.

and to the times that everyone is invited, who are you kidding? for everyone? or for a select few? please, when it's blatantly obvious you treat us as invisibles, there to add up to the number we lose the purpose of coming. it's just wasting our time and energy. why try to interact at all if we're supposed to be invisible, unseen and unheard?

last point: we don't comfort or help. suuuure we don't. we once used to. we gave up. same as all the above. we are nice people, contrary to the inset belief. we don't want to stay to ourselves. but what we want is respect, and after a while, if we find that isn't coming through then we give up. i have always been there to listen to people's problems, sometimes offering solutions. and sometimes i'm fast to pick up on behavioural changes because of non-verbal signals. but no, every single time i get a brush-off "why do you care?" "nothing at all, really" "go away don't bother me" are the responses i get for trying to show concern. we don't show it? maybe because we're DISCOURAGED from showing it, yes?

like i said much earlier on, i have no problems with people speaking about the problem. even i do, sometimes. but it's the way you put it across. saying "why is the situation like that, why do you people not do this, not do that, do you know it's hurting us blah blah blah" is NOT the right way to go around. fine, maybe you need another perspective, fine, maybe you tried to be persuasive and ended up being one-sided. what you should know is that a truly effective persuasion has a through understanding of the FULL story and not "it's their fault, all their fault". i sound biased? read what you read again today, it does come across as very offensive.

................................................................................................................

i'm done. awaiting comments, flames, whatever. i wrote this fully aware of potential trouble i might cause, but i would not take this lying down. when an attack has been made of great injustice, there are times when you should stand up to speak. it may mend the tear, it may enlarge the gorge, i don't know. all i know is, things would not be the same after this.

awaiting your inputs...

there are few things that move me...

2007-02-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

but this one did.

it's one of the few gems i managed to pick up. i don't know how they managed to convey the feeling, but it did. if i had any say about it i'd say it'll make great stuff for a novel, or storyboard for a series or movie. and i'm not kidding.

i know i post my real stuff on weekends, but this time i'll make an exception as a tribute to it... i'll post it in it's entirety. unabridged, no modifications whatsoever. and hopefully, it'll strike a chord with some of us here.

...

Take Some Time and actually Read this

.. IT'S 7TH GRADE...
I stared at the girl next to me...She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S JUNIOR YEAR...
My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... A Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S SENIOR YEAR...
The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neiter of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...

IT'S PROM NIGHT...
After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to telll her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S GRADUATION DAY...
A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER...
Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" an drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

YEARS PASSED...
I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... I wish I did too... I thought to myself and I cried...

*********************************************************************************

hope you enjoyed, and reflect.

in tribute to some effort

2007-02-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

well they tried. they really tried. of that i can't deny it. what other house comes up with some idea for a game that forces you to search for people you previously don't know, and implement it on everyone? nice try, anyway. J1s for some reason are a heck lot more enthu than us... i believe our lethargy carried over from last year... nar... it got worse. house system worked uite ok in sec school.. we had a lot of time and all that... in JC it's a bit of different i think...

o yea, about effort, i'm getting quite tired of ppl saying "good effort" or any variations like that. truth of the matter is, effort's worth crap. if effort can be seen in the final result and stuff, good for you. if it fails spectacularly or anything, "effort" is not going to be taken into consideration at all. that's how the world works. "effort" is becoming something that people say for "consolation" more than anything now, and it's getting pretty bleh.

i was wondering why there weren't any "jeremy au yong" articles in the life! section today, usually his articles come out on mondays... a bit* controversial... to say to least, but always quite amusing and has a grain of truth in it. the last two weeks were pretty good i must say. then of course they tend to get used in Mr Teo's class for CV the damn next day =.=

last point from real-life... it's amazing how double-standards are practiced sometime. so on one hand we don't like (or rather abhor) people to do annonymous postings, insultatious (is that even a word) postings and we call them "childish" "immature" and goodness knows what else. and yet WE in return post something like the audio recording of those two ppl harrassing the stall owner. and worse we consider it FUN. what the heck? where's your sense of dignity ppl? sigh...

...

funny thoughts sometimes occur at the weirdest times. but they always leave open-ended answers. not easy to answer, they are...
try this: physical differences aside, is it harder for a guy to impersonate a girl, or for a girl to impersonate a guy. physical differences not withstanding. there's quite a lot of difference in inherent lifestyles and such.... it's quite interesting to take a different perspective at times, it seems.

i'm beginning to wonder when exactly that spark of life went out. everytime i see the J1s in their groups i tend to get this feeling. how long as it been since it's been possible to sit down as a large group and yet not leave anyone out? honestly i've forgotten. seems like it's impossible these few days though... apparently people split up and have 3 conversations at any one point in time...

and i'm also wondering, what gives the spark of existence? you know, the type that always brings a ball to class such that everyone can play? the type whose presence can be felt once that person enters a room? the type that upon leaving the pitch (say going home or wtv) everyone else follows in a relatively short amount of time? is it something to do with leadership? or is it some form of prerequisite for leadership? which causes which?

bleh... anyway, changed a song. prolly gonna make songs a one-month thing =/

this is becoming once a week... but who's complaining?

2007-01-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

erm, no i don't exactly remember...
could you be nice and jog my memory a bit? might be the fact i'm not thinking very straight now =]

oh, and i finally figured out what's wrong with the current situation, in addition to the fact of lousy leadership i wrote about quite some time ago. woot. that's always good. see, people like to be appreciated and feel like they're actually doing something to help. what would you feel like if everytime you came to work and your boss or colleague tells you "no don't do that, you're obstructing me" "nono, go away and don't bother me" "no, i don't trust you with this, go somewhere else" "just go there and do that simple thing, at least you won't screw up there". day after day after day. you still want to go back if you had a choice? i think not >_>. come to think of it, it's like the perfect plan to get rid of someone, he'll even leave voluntarily >:-]

...

ok, topic of discussion for today: actually i've got three, but never mind...

first one would be subject of death... well this came after watching that anime showed during our jap club meeting anyway... but er-hem... say you had the power to condemn someone to hell instantaneously, but on condition that if you use that power, after your death you will be condemned to hell eternally quote "never knowing peace or paradise" unquote. sooooo ... question is... when would you use that power and under what circumstances? not an easy thing to answer... on impulse? on hopeless cases?

another thing.. which i also thought of while watching that damn film, btw... was about people appealing to higher authorities about small matters. i dunno, personally i feel that people who have to go rely on higher authorities, or lean on power, or something along that line are just incapable. incapable of standing up for themselves, that's why they need support from someone more powerful (and possibly capable) than them. these includes those who run to the law at every possible thing, or (since we're still in school) people who run to the protective arm of the parent or teacher at conflicts within the school. if you're not able to take flak and resolve things by yourself at this age... well... personally i wouldn't think much of you.

and also... i'm non too pleased with people who are hesistant about giving "the talk". ok even i'm hesistant at times because being so direct could have implications that are unplanned for, but sometimes you have to tackle the problem straight on. by yourself, most importantly. leaving a problem to worsen is like leaving an overripe apple out in the open. it's just going to rot and get worse. by all means, try alternative options to resolve the problem, but when it's time to resolve problems resolve them. don't let them drag for over a year >_> like i said... if you're doing something, even with negative consequences, at least people know you are caring. if you don't care you could very well leave the problem as it is, do your job and get the heck out in half a year. but if you're really responsible and concerned about a problem in the society you're part of or in charge in then it's better to DO something.

...

if anyone reads the paper today, there's an interesting little snippet of advice from the pease family. i don't know why, for some reason their advices always strike a chord with me, even their books... but today's particular one made me think extra hard because of the striking resemblance to a situation i see in school. i'd really like to scream in someone's ear "wake the heck up" but that'll be a no-win situation so i'm just gonna hope whoever that is will actualyl read that small advice column... please stop using people as substitutes... it doesn't fill that hole in your heart. when it's time to move on you have to move on.

one last question (in addition to that already asked above) if you have a very bad news to break to someone, but that someone is happy with whatever situation s/he is in now, would you wait till the last possible moment to break the news, or would you consider that witholding information, breach of trust and get the information/bad news passing over and done with? at least it'll give them more time to accept it. opinions?

this goes against history

2007-01-21T09:14:00.000-08:00

in the romance of the three kingdoms, liu bei visited zhu ge liang three times to enlist his help, and it was widely lauded as an act of faith and sincerity since he was a ruler of a kingdom. well.. i went back three times to old RI library and missed a certain person all three times... what does that say? ><

o yea, and those people who keep posting nonsense... you seriosuly think i'm not checking? looks like a 4-week warning isn't enough. done with bugging someone else and come to bug me?
wth.. why am i even wasting my energy and time on scum like that.

...

kevin asked a rather interesting questions after bridge that day. but then it's his question and i shouldn't be koping it. so hmmm... guess i'll think on it a bit more.

oh yea, about that quote... well since someone doesn't seem to have strong objections i'm using it. "the music i listen to reflects the person i am" well... so what would i be, based on my taste to music? >_>
so just for a change i'm actually giving you peeps a more hippy music. well music may be hippy but it's still the lyrics that count innit? and the lyrics are rather reflective... i'd say.

...

one last thing (short post, huh, i guess i'll make it a point to post again in the week) on tues mr teo made us play a sorta "game" guys vs girls. like supposed to tell our difference in thinking etc. =.= lame... like we didn't know already... also, there are biological differences. i don't think i want to go into detail again here, but there are lots of books out there that covers it pretty damn well.

oh yea, one more thing. i consider it rather a success to be able to pose as both sexes in an online game. seriously... i mean not just the avatar (because guys can play as girls and girls can play as guys) but most of them are rather obvious. guys pretending to be girls especially. they might as well carry a big neon sign proclaiming it >_> nvm... kinda ranting now... but it's quite fun to masquerade without gettin suspected, and busting ppl's covers in like 10 minutes XD

okok >_> till i think of something new. and hope the new music actually satiates some people's appetites

time to get a new resolution

2007-01-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

oh no, not that i find myself unable to complete it or anything, but i'll talk about that later.

first, talk funny. like how funny J1s are when they're (in Mr David Court's terms) "cute and innocent". hahaha. not that you can be all that really when you're in J1... but anywayz, i think the seniors, especially the CCA leaders or something should like keep a book of all the funny bloopers and mistakes made when you first join the club or something. i know it'll make for a hilarious read when you're like nearing promos, or nearing As, when we're more proficient in whatever we are doing.

i mean, some of the mistakes i see today.. damn, don't make me laugh again (i know, i know, it's not nice laughing at people, but still, someitmes it's hard to help yourself)

one more side note: observation is quite cool. i've actually managed to decipher what makes one-sided relation-ending so crushing. wonder what i'll find out next.

oh yea, my ban count increased, once more... wonder if i'll hit my limit again soon =/

...

gonna dedicate a whole section to this, i guess... not that i have much else to talk about for now... getting swamped with work... AND TRYING TO WORK WHEN YOUR BRAIN IS FROZEN IN 10 METRES OF PACK ICE ISN'T THE FRIGGIN BEST WAY! stupid airconditioning system ><

remember my old resolution (actually only 12 days old) trying to figure out why life is as it is now? well i've found out at least a few factors that contribute to that...

one thing is best summed up as the phrase "the apple always rots from the core, and problems always come from the head." but anyway, with poor leaders up there things don't work...

lemme try to explain this in as simple as possible usng words... in any group or organization, you have a head, and the sub-heads, or managers. the head is in charge of allocating tasks, and the sub-heads are in charge of distributing these tasks. distributing isn't so easy as to say "you do this, you do this, you do that". you actually have to match the person up with the job s/he is suited for.

an organization will work if the head is actively involved in operations. you cannot expect the head to function properly if the head doesn't even know what's going on. also, the sub-heads must do their best to help the head. it's not really much point if there's a power struggle going on at the lower levels and all of them are not only playing up each other but also ganging up on the head... then your whole organization would naturally collapse.

put it in reallife context. the club losing members? (of course i'm excluding the J1 trial period) members feel like staying away and not committed? something is wrong in the hierarchy, or they feel they're not important (DisEOS but whatever). Find that activities organized are crappy or participation is lousy? maybe you should look and see if the organizers are (a) enthusiastic in the first place and (b) in contact with who they are trying to get across.

(i'm trying to keep parties as vague as possible here so as not to offend anyone, humans in general (me included) don't take well to criticism =.=)

and another thing: people don't like to be TOLD to do things. if there is a tangible reason it may help greatly, but commands and orders will always meet resistance. if you tell a tennis player HOW to swing a racket and WHERE he is doing it wrongly, he will take a long time to learn, or may not show improvement. if you suggest concentrating on the ball instead of the swing, studies have shown they improve like 70% faster. to quote a certain *ahem* lecturer, i shan't go into the "nitty-gritty" details of why this happens, just that it does.

so what now? well i believe that i've completed part of my resolution, which was to find out what was causing the big difference. i've noticed a LOT more *politics* in JC life as compared to secondary (of course in primary school we were a lil too... young to understand these kind of things) take a step back and look at things... you'll notice them. it's my belief these are also another big factor in contribution to the problems. (P.S. i hate *fake* ppl... walking around trying to be who they are not... i'm not sure if they're trying to impress or what, but walking around with a mask on is like... so unnerving ><)

so... it's now changed to like... trying to remove or reverse this change. unless anyone wants to tell me they actually prefer the current situation to previously? i mean, my parents keep telling me i should think thrice before acting, not to be hasty... and staff members also quit or transfer, or go for further studies, saying it's easierto change yourself than the system... i find that a bit escapist... you're just running away from the problem, and sooner or later it's still going to catch up... or else you just left the problem to another person... it's not so much about contribution and credit now, it's more about trying to make a difference... to something you think is seriously wrong. i can say with confidence our club is sick, needs to be cured, just that we don't know waht will cure it.

...

last note: i think i know what i'm going to do for research paper IF i manage to get into the university and IF i take econs as a major (still not decided =/)

week 2... already

2007-01-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

sigh.. time flies. time, as always, is elusive, and we often wonder what happens to it on hindsight, and only in hindsight...

i don't get that may chances to look at the present J1s, for whatever reason. i've only seen them twice, i believe, and once was at lunch when they were at the canteen, so =/

but every time i look at them.. i get the feeling of regret... i was once that carefree and lively. just one year ago. no horrible nightmare looming in the distance, no worries, and no complicatedness of life. just a bundle of energy that keeps going and going like an energizer battery. what happened?

...

it's sorta unnerving talking so suicidal people... something like watching a car rushing towards a small kid in the middle of the road but being unable to do anything about it except to watch. can't even close your eyes, even. i haven't gotten over that yet, although nobody else really knows about it. but i shouldn't go into that...

got many things on my mind this week. a lot to sort out, because new concepts jsut keep flooding in and it isn't easy or possible to make sense of all. but there's one thing i found the answer to, and hopefully i can get individual answers from you too. where did it come from? anime called "gift ~ eternal rainbow" =]

...

in that particular world, everyone has a "gift" this "gift" can be used to make miracles, fulfill someone's wishes, more or less do anything. but there are a few conditions attached.

(a) you only have one "gift" in your entire life.
(b) there must always only be two people, a "giver" and a "receiver"
(c) the receiver must not know about the gift. (i.e. must be unaware)
(d) the giver and the receiver must be connected. meaning that the giver has to give wholeheartedly and the receiver must accept wholeheartedly.

now, you notice conditions (c) and (d) are the hardest to do. which makes the simple elegance of the idea so much more appealing. especially since the receiver has to accept something s/he does not know about. it really counts for a lot in the storyline.

anime aside, just from the concept, i would like to know what other people's answers are. who will you give the gift to and what would you wish for? keep in mind that all four rules have to be observed or the "gift" will be "misplaced" and be distorted.

...

Endnote: i was supposed to change da music, but since the last month internet's been crappy and youtube music doesn't load well, i won't change it just yet. i've included a radio link to the new song that's supposed to be up so ppl can hear both at once =] (not that most ppl want to, of course >_>) and of course, a translation is always needed XD

a new year dawns...

2006-12-31T23:41:00.000-08:00

1st of Jan, 2007. nice weather too. plus the water levels finally dropped.
yesterday... was pretty unexpected, to say the best. a long-lost family member (not officially, but we consider her part of our family now) came to visit. i'm pretty surprised she remembered the way though. but it does bring back lotsa memories. it's also when i began to wonder, where did i lose my focus? that single-minddedness of pure determination? when i find the answer, my time will probably be done, too.

one of the first questions she asked, though, was again, the old whether you got that someone... and my answer always remains the same, until the time comes by which it is changed out of my control, when the thick wall of ice here begins to melt. as for now, I'm pretty content to keep off the stage, and be the observer of surroundings. observation can net rather some benefits to those with a keen eye. and i am going to be observing rather more keenly next year... plus i've just picked up a few tips on behaviourial and gesturial movements...

...

sometimes, the older stuff can be unpolished gems. watching a 1980s production i was rather surprised when it starte to move me a little, and that comes from a person being rather hard. some of the philosophies included are rather intriguing.

for instance, did anyone ever give thought to the fact that however few privileges we have, we always try to get more, and are never willing to part with them? we all subconsciously realize (i hope) that when all privileges are deprived, we become scum. nothing but the lowlife of the lowlife, existing just for the sake of existing. and these priviledges are governed by rules, which are created artificially by man. which other animal in the animal kingdom has such a rigid and extensive rule that does not come about as an instinct? and the saying i won't forget, which i brought from this show, is that "no matter how they fence us in, or treat us like ****, we stay as strong and alive as we want, and as we always have been. "

now, of course the old saying is that "no man is an island", and we all know society is comprised of so many ppl and we all need to depend on each other and yadda yadda yadda. but just a thought: wouldn't we be pretty useless if we can't even depend on ourselves? if we were removed from people, would we collapse? it's kinda unnerving to think we've come to rely and depend on other people so much that we've forgotten how to use our own strength.

...

and new year resolution? hmm... i have one.

i'm going to try and find the missing ingredient. in primary school most classmates aren't that close because you know, we're like 6, brains haven't fully become functional yet, memory is limited blah blah blah. in sec school is where the real bonding and stuff comes in.

somehow, that is missing in JC. even in university, from what i've heard. i want to know what has changed, or rather why it has changed. there's just something.. missing... even in CCAs, (excluding the council, which is in a league of its own) there's just something... missing. that warmth, i think. and i'm gonna try find out what exactly it is.

bah

2006-12-28T06:13:00.000-08:00

stupid earthquake fiasco... can't even do research properly now...

bah i say. so nice, bang on the spot. it's almost like a fire happening in school and burning all the exam scripts, hurting nobody. or a snowfall that buries the school but no other buildings.

can't even post properly now because of the internet lag issues. you can't believe how long it takes to freaggin load a page.

i guess an update will have to wait till all this is over...

all right, all right

2006-12-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

that last song was a little too hippy. but i just had to find something to fill up the gap before i find something useful =P hehe. by the way, the last song was the opening theme of strawberry panic, if anyone wanted to know. and yea, it's a little irritating to listen to something you don't listen to. so i find something that's half and half. good combination =P

@ paul: yeeesh, thanks for letting me use that quote =]
@ gordon: hey, i listen to music i like. and i don't post something i know nothing about. every music i post here, i've translated, understood and made sure it shows or reflects something i want it to, ok? heehee.

going vac next week. won't be back till 19th. well. sigh.
...

i don't usually have dreams. so each one is kinda treated like a vision. but then again, it isn't wise to rely on them too much. dreams are random bursts of energy, nothing more. it may illuminate, and it may illude. but anyway, what i did get from this is that favourtism will be around all the time, however minor we try to make it. something about either in favour or not in favour, somehow it'll lean to one side, and it's difficult to make it balance exactly.

another quote i thought was also rather good. "a heart filled with loneliness and solidarity can only be identified and connected with another of similar stature. perhaps this is what draws people together." well it does kinda explain why we pine for companionship, doesn't it? a cold shell is difficult to be broken by a warm heart, as i've found out the past couple of years. nay, it takes understanding more than anything to break that shell. and understanding is something that eludes...

...

ah yes, existence. been having the thought in my head for a while since watching a certain show (cough SnS sough) our existence is only measured by hoe people remember us, is it not? the more people who have our memory in their hearts, the more brightly our existence shines in this world. like a part of us will be tied down to this earth. however, if everyone should cease to remember us, will our existence then cease? would we be wiped off the face of the planet, or just be another living, empty soul that nobody sees, hears etc?

death isn't final, it seems. the finality comes when the last shred of your memory is gone from the earth. when nobody has the knowledge you ever walked this earth. the feeling you get when remembering a lost loved one... that's their existence burning bright within us, is what i feel. Do not forget about them, for as long as we remember them, they stay with us. if we leave them, then, and only then, will they truly be alone, in another world or dimension.

...

and one last loaded question before i go: can you remember the exact place and situation where you first met your best friend? no tricks here. but i'm willing to wager more than 80% will not be able to answer this simple question.

recovery

2006-12-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

replies: uhh... don't use that nick. i *really* dont want to be reminded of the ordeal i just went through trying not to gag and throw up over what i just watched >< but as for the questions... a good one. maybe, you'll never know now, would you? it has been my choice not to step on the stage, but rather watch from the sidelines and play a support role. may mean that my day of limelight won't ever come, but watching those you cherish receive the glamour of a fortunate life is a reward in its own, is it not? nothing but the best for them. (watch kasimasi =P)

legs are still suffering from lactic acid poisoining. no that's not something i ate. it just means cramps after over-exerting it... maybe next time it wouldn't be too wise to play DDR until 3:30 in the morning like i did on manday... i think i would have gone on if somebody else didn't request the PS2... then again, it's exercise. heh. makes up for all the physical stuff i missed since the start of the holidays. sometimes i wish i had kouga's shikon no tama shards >_> never mind eh (watch inuyasha =])

...

hmm a quote from someone (let's hope this someone remembers he wrote it =])
"Anyway, my guy friends and I were talking cock some time ago and we agreed that girls are actually damn naughty but the only difference between guys and girls is that guys express it more often whereas girls do less."
you might be interested to know that scientific study has shown that girls oogle a lot more than guys, even though they never get caught. why? women have peripheral vision, with larger eye area, allowing them to see more without turning their heads, while men have tunnel vision, which is a smaller eye area but more elongated backwards, which allows them to see things froma greater distance but less area covered without moving the neck. so they almost always get caught when oogling =]
but yea, knowledge and expression are two rather different things... this is due to the sexual cycles of humans... for some very weird reason, the sexual activity of males peak around age 18 (yes that's us >_>) but for women that's more like around 40, with the intensity about 2/3 to 3/4. in fact right now (with the exception of hormonal changes) they aren't interested in procreation at all...
there's a difference between knowing something (and therefore not being ignorant when *some people* are crackign dirty jokes) and expressing it freely... the only reason why we'redoing so is... well... because the guys are raving for some activity with no outlet, i guess. roles change past 36 though, you'd be surprised how... forward and ... interesting some of those lil "young aunties" can be =P

another quote from the ending episode of a drama i thought was simply GREAT. then again, it's a shoujo anime, and i'm SURE most guys will fall asleep in the middle of episode two... i'm even going to give it it's own paragraph.

"To yearn for the other's heart, to love the other's spirit. Love is hard to express in words, and neither can it be seen. It can sometimes be painful, and deepen other's wounds. It can even be used as a weapon to inflict harm on others. But, humankind will still yearn for love, because that is the reason for their existence. The pain in separation, the joy in reunion, the connecting of hearts, the happiness, sadness, anger... In order to taste all of that, we will yearn for love. Tha's why life exists. When you reach the point of decision, please make the right choice. No matter how painful, no matter how sad, with love, life will not lose the meaning of it's existence."

eh, the translation was quite accurate, i hope. word-for-word is tough >_>(why are all the good stuff in a language other than english ><). anyway. yeah. when you comprehend the meaning of that... well... then i guess we know how to live life to the fullest.

speaking of love, Mr Sithu, some sec 2 english/english lit teacher suddenly pops up. well not that i'd ever forget him for his terrible pickup-lines, but there was something which i haven't understood completely, although i'm sure dear classmate zy does... something about 5 stages of love... love as respect, love as romance and don't know what else.. ah heck, maybe someone out there could enlighten...

well... that's all for now... there's something i wanted to add about existence... but i'll leave that for now as it's really getting pretty heavy, i think =]

30-hour ++ tomorrow...

2006-11-26T08:49:00.000-08:00

@ beixin: yea... interesting people... that's a nice way to put it, i guess. bored, too.
@ gordon: hollywood... well it's pretty good at churning out the shounen stuff, gotta give it that. action-packed blockbusters and all that. still, does terribly in the shoujo-department though. and it's getting awfully predictable... did those rules come true for the most recent 007-film? i thought it did =]

as those who have been reading the signs might know (or i say "should") one thing that irritates me more than anything else is an indirect and roundabout way of saying something. a rejection can be, and should be done straight. going round and round the bush doesn't soften the impact for me at all. why? because i chose to trust an excuse given, but when i find out the real scenario, how do you think i'd feel? not just left out, much more than that...

papers first... mostly i've forgotten what the rest of the week mentioned but obviously i'll recall today's... it just struck me as quite ironic, that on one hand they're pushing all the way for the yellow ribbon project and stuff, heck there's even reports asking to give the gold medallist guy (sorry, forgot his name) a second chance and must welcome him back into the community and all. no, i'm not saying that's a bad thing, in fact that's a good thing, since this society is one that is rather... unforgiving i could say. then again, a few pages later there's a report about how husband/boyfriend abuse is on the rise and how women should "stand up for themselves", "report it, don't let the situation repeat" and that "it isn't going to get any better with time". wow. so now we're saying nip the bud before it grows into a large problem before allowing time to perhaps, hopefully heal the problem, eh? make up your mind someday...

...

a rather good saying went "suitors can always be friends, but friends can never be suitors" (azrael, 2002) believed it for quite some time too... but then on hindsight, which is always 20/20, it seems the reverse isn't true either. for some reason true friends and suitors cannot coexist, in any sense... well i haven't experienced, or seen anything like it anyway >_>. when courting, we stand to lose freindship and campanionship. we all know the awkwardness and stuff of a failed courtship, isn't it? and it's few and far between that i actually meet people who can still talk and interact with "ex-courters " as nothing has happened... i dunno. maybe something is changed?

just one more story before we go. actually thought of all this watching a simple animation, really. this is why i prefer shojo stuff a lot more =] though it sounds weird coming from me lar =P

picture this: a young child a a candy floss stand. he's trying to pick between blue, pink and white as his mother stands behind patiently. he's only allowed to choose one. an agonizing decision for the young kid. a second ticks by... half a minute... one minute... *boom* sound of thunder is heard as the sky opens up and it starts to pour. mom picks up child hurriedly and dashes home. too bad, no cotton candy.

which provoked some thought... the price to pay for indecision may not always be obvious, and it can be delayed for some time. in this case, the young kid didn't get cotton candy. the next time we face such decisions though, the price may be a lot higher than that. then again, rushing headlong into lousy choices isn't wise either. so what is the best solution?

P.S. that scene was quite good, considering the circumstances of the series i'm currently watching. it's some super-entangled web of relations. but let's not go into that...

nothing new... and short jokes

2006-11-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

heehee, found a new song to add here. won't add so soon because this one is still ok. i'll prolly change it when i come back from china, since it'll have more relevance then. more details when i change the thing, of course.

think i've figured out why i don't like the normal "hollywood" kinda action shows or horror shows... there's nothing much to learn. at least when you watch drama there's always something about life to pick up...

speaking of hollywood, there are a few rules hollywood films ALWAYS follow. see how many rules you can spot next time you watch these shows =P

...

rule #1: in horror movies, the nightwatchman on duty will always be killed within 20 seconds of screentime.

rule #2: washrooms are never used for "relief". instead they are meeting centres for drugs, murders, deals etc etc.

rule #3: the main antagonist will die at least twice. (one in history/flashback but somehow miraculously survives, one in the middle of the movie but is a clever fake, and one real time near the end, which means it's about time to pack up and leave)

rule #4: if a telephone comes into focus, it's going to ring in 5 seconds

rule #5: when a weak woman (your proverbial "damsel in distress") fires a gun, there are three actions that follow (a) drop gun (b) sink to knees/collapse (c) wail

rule #6: when the antagonist flees in a vehicle, there is always a handy unmanned vehicle ripe for the taking in the vicinity, and the owner won't say anything about the protagonist taking it for free.

rule #7: the protagonists always have x-ray eyes,because they can drive through any terrain including busy marketplaces and not have any accidents.

rule #8: nobody can see a person hiding behind the driver's seat, no matter how large he is.

rule #9: when cornered, the antagonist will always climb higher and higher, even though that would only mean that he gets trapped and won't allow him to get away.

rule #10: when in a fight scene, no matter how many bad guys there are, they will only attack one at a time, while the rest of them jump up and down striking poses.

rule #11: no matter how injured the protagonist gets, he will still be up and active, never collapsing.

rule #12: the protagonist can go on and on with his heroic acts no matter how injured he is, but when the main actress treats his wounds he'll grimace in pain like it's gonna kill him.

rule #13: the main actress is almost always a professional in some field (who says you can't combine brains and beauty?)

rule #14: no matter how dire the situation or how often attacks are made, the protagonist couple is never disturbed at night to do what they like.

rule #15: bedsheets and blankets are "L" shaped, allowing the male lead's heavily-muscled body to be exposed while covering the female lead's body parts.

...

hmm, if i find more i'll list them here =P

follow-up

2006-11-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

thanks for the reply. i was waiting for it so i could do a follow-up =P sorry eh. XD
also, there's been a sudden influx of shojo anime.. wonder why? good for the squeamish type, but for those who are action fans and such will be put right to sleep. lucky i'm not one of those =]

hm, ok, forgetting the things is one of the ways people do it. in fact, it's the most popular way, because well... they are bad... simple. also, forgetting them kinda... erases them from existence, and removes the pain at the same time, does it not?

two things to that though. first, those memories, no matter how much forgotten, will always be with us, somehow, would they not? they might seem forgotten, but sooner or later they're going to catch up with us. and if we can't face them now... are we going to be able to cope with them later?

besides, our memories and whatnot make up us, agree? so burying something and forgetting it, is almost like forgetting or tossing aside a part of ourselves, yes? somehow, that doesn't sound like a very sound thing to do... but then again, we all do that at some point, or more like most of the time, don't we?

...

and a quote i just picked up (it's 2am but whatever >_>). who said watching anime was useless? (well it is most of the time, but then why do people watch TV? ^^").
we don't really need to understand eerything about people, not even friends... i might get lynched for this but it's kinda the truth. after all, if you know everything about a person then there's no fun in it anymore. the fun in life comes with the unpredictability, and we try to get along best we can, learnign a little bit about each other all the time. but when everything is known, you find there's nothing more to learn, and interest wanes quickly. why do single-player games have a short life-span? because once you play through the game, there's not much more to do. (although some people i know are mad enough to play the same damn thing over and over again -.-") soooo... don't poke and pry too much, unless you're a psychatrist or something =P

...

ok, delivered another late present again... total number of dates i remember now is... 7... well 6 since two people on the same day, but wtv. if i were to be asked why i'm doing something like that and making the effort, answer is simple. i know what it's like to hav that special day forgotten, after it lying dormant for the past 8 years (for me). it's really depressing to know that it's special, but you're the only one who knows it... having someone else remember... well. the thought, and the meaning, counts for a lot.

okies... 2:30 now... got 2 more episodes to watch to finish the series, and got a small report hingy to type before retiring. heh. long days aren't so bad eh .... once you get used to it, that is...

PW in 2 days... ok 1.5 days, really

2006-11-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

to all (esp mark) ok i've changed music =P but you prolly need an A in jap to understand it XD. either that or get it translated =P

i've also removed all bans from my tagboard. just to start afresh and to help out some of those ppl whose IP's were remarkebly similar to those removed. like the school IP. so you can post again. but if i see any more trash i'll ban again, no questions asked.

and also got a comment from annong that the stuff here is to "cheem". really? hmm never really thought of it that way. do the rest of the people who read think so thoo? leave a comment or something. also like to know whether it's too deep in language or what. would help in expression and such, would it not?

...

i missed the opening premiere of the lastest drama serial. i believe it's called "house of joy" or something like that. no, i don't watch drama serials, but i am interested in the opening and eding episodes. why? they usually dispense a bit about the series during the opener, and they also usually end with a conclusion-thingy for the last episode. not only that, it's got quite and interesting quote here and there, and how to handle certain situations. well missed it, so too bad...

just give an example of what i mean (picked this up from anime "pita-ten" ending)

our lives are made up of memeories, good and bad, happy and sad. some are locked up deep inside, and won't be remembered until something triggers the memory. some are reviewed again and again, a certain scene repeated like a broken record.

should a sad memory be dug up again? or should it be buried, and forgotten? after all, it is all the experiences we've gone through that make us who we are. should we accept the bad memories as they are, keeping them close to heart, or should we bury them deep in our minds, or even pretend it never existed? would you thank the person who reminds you of a particularly bad memory, or would you curse him?

these kind of stuff is what is subtly implanted (well, in my mind, anyway) when the main story was about death and forgetting. afterall, we hardly bring ourselves to face death. it is natural for all of us to pretend it never exists, or that someone who has left us had never existed int he first place. yes, we do pay our respects and all that, but do we still hold those no longer with us (not just death, even those who left overseas, or something) close to our hearts? do you try to remove every memento of someone departed, trying to quash all painful memories related to the person, or do you cherish any and all reminders, displaying it prominently and being proud of it?

...

that aside, i've also read the papers quite a bit and was rather inrigued by one of the articles. o wait, before i get to that, did anybody read today's (tuesday's) computer life? there's an interesting report about the effect of blogs. not bad... i wonder if my little page has that kinda effect.. probably not >_>

anyway, ok might just wanna say before i start that this will prolly land me in trouble or something, but i've been thinking about it over a few days and i can't see much that distorts the truth or attacks individuals. so i shall go ahead and post it, even if i do get into hot soup for it.

there was a report 2 days back about how it was getting increasingly difficult to keep people in parliament. and of course this was backed up with documents, blah blah blah, office spaces are more luxurious than parliament offices blah blah blah they get more pay blah blah BLAH. so of course we must offer them more blah blah blah better facilities blah blah blah...

they're missing the point here. no doubt we want talent and stuff in the government, but if we really think about it, i'd rather have people who care about the masses rather than their own self-interest run the country, even if they aren't the creme-de-la-creme of the crop. it's not a matter of people getting poached from the public sector anymore. if these people are willing to get poached, it shows where their priorities lie. and i'm not too sure i want someone whose always looking after himself before others to be looking after me. think about it from that perspective a minute.

of course, if we weren't so focussed on talent and nothing else... but i better not go into that...

...

ok, PW presentation in 1.5 days as of now. good luck people... i guess...

catching up...

2006-11-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

hey mark. it did scare you? whoops sorry =P yea i was thinking of changing it. looking for a new and good song. maybe another jap one? ehehe. nvm eh.

well yea, i noticed i've got a lot to catch up on. game-wise, i'm lacking in the skill department. MMORPG-wise, i've got to catchup in levels. study-wise, my H3 teacher is hounding after us for the essay already... which i have barely started preparing. sometimes i wish days were... a little longer. there is only so much sleep you can cut back on...

not much has been happening lately. heck i even meet less people now... doesn't matter anymore i guess.

mmph. i'll think of something to write soon. hopefully.

final 2 days of school

2006-10-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

yea.. happens every year. i can't believe it every time but it still does happen every year. i'm going to miss school. the days of interaction and pure fun with people. the days of puzzling over difficult problems and finally coming up with answers. the days of fervoured studying in an effort to pass, whatever the cost. some things, we miss during times of peace and boredom.

anyway, that aside, what do you do when you're super-bored and stuff? no i can't play much games because my main com broke down (it just had to break down post-promos -.-") and this com barely supports IE. so... no guesses?

reading online stuff. that's mainly it... like fanfiction (boy, i haven't touched those since 3 years) and stories (but they only ever span 2 chaps max) and... keeping up to date with things. actually, i'm pretty surprised. considering i'm one of the most ill-informed people all around, knowing something at a scale as large as this... well. it's kinda quite funny. what am i talking about? um... i don't think it's ok to mention it here. read the papers today (tuesday) or maybe they will talk about it tomorrow... uhhh... yea...

but about arguments... i find most of the arguments put forth... blasphemous. i mean, it's nice to read stuff that actually makes sense, read a reasoned debate about the issue, but when insults and vulgarities are flying around all over the place, there's seriously not much point in reading further. to those who presented a good argument, whether flawed or not, it's appreciated. to those mindlessly hurling unintelligible insults and stuff, please don't spoil the experience for other people.

actually, this also makes me think of something else... when making a reasoned debate, or argument, if your opponent isn't calm and logical, then the best course of action is to walk away. firstly, anger and irritation cl0uds the mind of logic... and besides, if the will is hell-bent set on a particular viewpoint, then there isn't much point of arguing, is there?

reading fanfics... yesh... brings back memeories. and i still believe in the fact that i can tell whether the authors are males or females. it's pretty easy after a while, really, the writing styles are somewhat similar. then again, i don't read much of the action-action stuff. comedy is nice but the originality, not the lameness -.-" is what's important. but a truly talented writer shows in his writings of fluff and drama, most notably either angst or romance fics. well... maybe i'm reviewing too much, eh? =P

just one quote that i felt had to be shared. there's truth in it, and it's so real... i don't rightly know how to put it in my own words... well... just.
too often we wish we can take someone else's place, to ease them of suffering, to stop their pain. failing that, we try to be around, try to share the grievance. but when you know it's happening, yet are powerless to do anything, that is truly torture... just like i've watched people i am concerned with, presonally, be burdened by too many things... sometimes to breaking point, at times at which tears flow, but am unable to do anything for them, due to *certain* factors...
eh, never mind, i'm rambling now... good day to all.

...

“It’s always a horrible choice to make, but ultimately, you’d rather bear the burden yourself than seeing someone you… care for get hurt instead, even if you know that person would be devastated at your choice. Is that bravery or cowardice?” - Embrace, by Pureauthor (FxA)

bored, sick and tired

2006-10-22T09:03:00.001-07:00

ok there were 6 ways to rearrange the words in the title... bleh i've been doing too much math.

anyway, to whoever the poster was, next time i would appreciate it if you identified yourself. anyway, the saying goes that a picture says a thousand words. a song only has a few words, but it does reflect quite a lot, personality, current feeling etc etc. as a matter of fact i'm doing what the song is saying right now... but never mind that eh. does that answer your question?

life is boring after promos. i'm prolly gonna get lynched for this but before the exams there was something to look forward to, not to mention certain assignments and stuff to keep things interesting. now that everything is over it seems so boring >_>... too much play is tiring too, as calvin from calvin and hobbes will tell you... well there's always OP for PW...

nothing much has been happening, which also means i'm running out of things to say. not to mention borrowing is now restricted in the library in view of stock take... so less things to read... sigh.

i didn't really have much to say this week until i flipped open the paper today. well apart from the small articles (esp one or two in the lifestyle section. about decision making. that one is good) the relationship thing just outraged me. well, i didn't really react on the surface (in control, remember?) but the news shouldn't have done something like that. i mean, just leave those two alone in peace, dammit. publicity is like the worst you can do to a relationship.. however good or bad it may be.

just think in school terms. the one thing that kills or puts most people off from relations is the negative publicity. of course there are always the people who don't really care what others say, and i respect you for that. or more likely, you have good friends who don't pass some very unwanted remarks. that's only in the small school community. now if you broadcast it to the world...

at this point in our lives, most of us want to experience a little of phenylethylamine and diprocarin. (in case you don't know, they're the chemicals produced in situations of romance and infatuation, giving the feeling of confidence, happiness and contentment) it's natural, so worry not about that... or you can bring it under super-tight control like some of us >_> anyway, if you wanna pass a comment, crack a joke about it, please do it privately with the parties concerned, and don't go around announcing it to the whole wide world. let them have their peace. when they're ready to announce it, they will.

i was intending to post something about decision making after reading the article in lifestyle (p17) but i think the article itself is more than self-explanatory... so just read it! =P

searching...

2006-10-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

looking for the song i want... got a *part* of it up... i can't find the full version, if there is one >_> well if anyone knows where to locate the full version pls give a contact or something? two cookies this time (::) (::) hehe

they say a song reflects feelings.. i don't know how true. hmm.. you be the judge i guess. at least we should be happy for someone now... eh wait, i'm sure they don't read here anyway... but i still remember that discussion we had quite a few months ago... and well, never mind, eh.

yea... econs was disappointing. >< broke my record too... damn.... well there's gp tomorrow, although i don't have very high hopes for that one -.-" well see. take life as it goes. that's all that happens.

P.S. how come nobody got the last quiz correct? or just so happened nobody visited >_> well.. too bad, no cookies heh.

P.P.S. i managed to find a better quality version, but it's still not the full song and it can only be played once. so those of you who have a slow connection may experience a lil lag, just refresh and it should be fine. sorry >< i would upload it but i'm fast running outta bandwidth...

Ep 1: it starts here

2006-10-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

heheh. chem WAS terrible. got my grade now and happy liao so XD never mind, eh?

wow my bandwidth not exceeded yet. nice. doesn't matter i'm changing songs. this new one... well isn't all THAT good, since it was taken from a promotional trailer for a particular XBOX game. what game is it? i think you can guess it yourself more than sufficiently, due to the couple of stupid announcements... was never good at editing musics >< heck, a cookie (::) for the first correct guess XD

*removed* if you missed it... too bad eh?

slight delays

2006-10-11T10:06:00.000-07:00

yea well... i'm gonna have to delay the next post slightly. (a) i COULD type it but i might not be fully awake for preparations tmr (b) everyone's too busy making sure the open house runs smoothly to read, anyway >_> so... after this mess is over, i'll think about it.

odd, isn't it, that almost every CCA wants to grab... you think there'll be some coordination and stuff but nooo.... it becomes an "every-CCA-for-itself" royal rumble -.-" and seems nobody ever thinks... do people actually look at the CCAs that much when it comes to open house? i highly doubt it.

o yea, i might change soundtrack soon. bandwidth is a problem, so linking to youtube, althought the musics there aren't as nice, might be a temporary solution -.-"

what a week...

2006-10-08T01:07:00.000-07:00

the com, or at least something doesn't wanna cooperate. i was thinking after promos i could take time off and go play what i waned... noooo... it had to break down... so i spend these days lounging around not being entertained and AFTER that i've still got to restore the whole system back. bleh. not my idea of a good week.

anyway, it was someone's birthday just 2 days ago (today is sunday) so... heh. not that i think that person even knows this exists but =P you know what we should say already hehe.

...

ok... in times of extreme boredom and stuff what do you do? well everybody has their individual preferences i suppose, but i find a good book quite irresistable. the library in our school has quite an extensive philosophy collection. heck, i bet some of the things in here will come in VERY useful for our GP essays. i still remember some of the topics given to us the days directly before our promo exams. total of 14... yea, and it's been stuck in my head for a while so decided to do some reading up and stuff...

remember the thing about statistics? i forgot the exact question, but it was something like "statistics show everything but tell nothing" well i wouldn't say that exactly. statistics tell you that there's a correlation between things, but doesn't tell you how this correlation comes about. for example, studies have shown that a child whose home contains more books is more likely to do well in school. all this tell us is that there is a positive correlation between a child's grades and the number of books in his/her house. which causes which? does the increased amount of books cause his/her better grades, because s/he reads more, or has better educated parents, or does his/her better grades cause this increase in the number of books, because the child wants to read more? statistics don't tell us that.
which leads to some major fumbles. there's a positive correlation between effort and result, so we put in more effort and we get more result. that's all fine and dandy. now change the scenario a bit. there's a positive correlation between crime and the number of people locked up in jail. so some smart people will come up with the theory that if we release people from prison, then the crime rate will fall. preposterous? no... it's all in how we interpret the data. we see correlations... how do we explain these correlations... is up to us.

...

and a thing about acid-base reactions.. if we add acid to a base, we get salt, right? we add more acid, we get more salt, right? but there will come a time when the base runs out, and adding more acid will not achieve anything. this probably can explain why some people keep trying old methods that have worked in the past, yet are puzzled that it no longer works. maybe the circumstances have changed, or just maybe the base has run out. we can't always rely on the same old methods. we constantly have to find new ways of adding base, to continue to reaction.

just a disclaimer: the following point brings across some sensitive subjects, especially those dealing in romance. romance, when brought into a scientific light, loses all meaning. i'm giving a warning here... if you want to read on and understand how it occurs, don't blame me for losing your romanic appetite

and the last topic... brings back another one of those essay questions. "a couple in love should not marry". personally, i've long tried to decipher the relations between lust, infatuation and true love. not easy. but quite a few books seem to favour the last theory, and i'm going to assume some of the facts are scientifically proven. in fact it's quite convincing to me, because given all the ifs, it relates to what we've been doing the last few months: organic chemistry!

lust typically occurs instantaneously. it forms as a result of the mixture of cingulatocin and ganglamine, both being produced in the brain. it gives a feeling of intense euphoria, and hinders the process of the right brain, logical thinking. duration? between 3 hours after meeting, and up to as long as a couple of weeks. what happens after then? infatuation kicks in.

once again, infatuation has got something to do with organic chemicals disturbing our system. dopamine (pronounced do-pa-mine) gives the feeling of well-being, phenylethylamine increases interest and excitement level, serotonin gives emotional stability (such that you don't go mad with happiness) and epinephrine gives the sense that anything is achievable. i would draw out these chemicals... but it's quite unfeasible on word, and anyway these are rather common chemicals that can be searched with google. back on track: so now you know how the feelings comes about when someone goes glassy-eyed and declares being in love. this also sheds some light on why people don't seem to act rationally when reality kicks in, especially after rejectment or "competition". the body immediately stops production of these chemicals. the loss of serotonin is the biggest problem, it causes emotional unstability. the loss of epinephrine also means that depression is likely. psh, anyway... the infatuation period lasts anywhere immediately after the stage of lust, and can extend for up to twelve months. after which, these chemicals are again converted...

truth be told, i haven't managed to find what exactly happens after the infatuation stage. all i have learnt so far is that the chemicals slowly dissipate, (as opposed to rejection where they stop in one fell swoop) and the infatuation, as well as the feelings associated with it, is slowly lost. what happens next is not very clear, but in my humble opinion this is where the crux comes. how things move on from there. marriage, is a way, is the ultimate test of romance. whether the trust between the two people can withstand time, a challenge more difficult than any rumours or scandals can be. marriage, the ultimate affirmation of a bond shared by two people, is a test, is all. upon passing the test, life is *more* fulfilling. just like how life seems good after passing an exam. which also, for me, explains why people who marry like 3 years into a relationship generally don't break up all that easy. because the decision is made outside of factors like lust, infatuation whatever, and the right brain, the area where logical and long-term thinking takes place, is not impeded by any chemical the body may be producing.

question: why do we experience these feelings of lust and infatuation then? would it not be ore practical to immediately use our logical brains to evaluate whether someone is suitable for us? theoratically, that is the case. but nature is cunning. what she wants, is to ensure each and evry species reproduces. as fast, and as much as possible. fidelity, monogamy and all that, are human creations. nature doesn't care. what she does, is to equip us with the ability to reproduce quickly. and how does she do that? by making us fell the urge to reproduce on meeting possible partners. whether that person is capable of being a good partner doesn't matter. it's not going to be long-term anyway, in her opinion. the lust period is the set off the process, and the infatuation period is to sustain the interest, such that at least, the baby will be brought into the world safely. after that, who cares?

not nice, i warned ya. but at least it does help to explain certain things. hopefully, it would help in future essays too!
next week, probably sometime in the middle, like thursday, i will start on a series. the difference between men and women. uhuh... in spite of all the activist thingies and being politically correct and stuff, many people miss out the fundamental differences between the sexes. things don't change. and it's going to be too looooong in one post, so i think a seven-part series would do nicely. until then... got quite a lot of things to think about, no?

the 8th tooth... is the wisdom tooth

2006-10-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

sorry, was reading a story about it here... yea has plenty of interesting concepts. for example, did you know that using your tongue, you can only count up to a maximum of six teeth of someone else's, starting from the front teeth? *i'm NOT goin into te details of how to do that here* interesting fact.

those of you who hate exams and tests, better stay away from fame and stardom. every single thing they do, every event they go to, is akin to an examination, with the world and audience as the examiners. everything they do being watched and subconsciously graded. i don't know why myself. it's just like that. so... an exam almost every moment of the day... would you be able to stand that?

hmmm.. and there's one more thing... people like to believe in whatever they can get their hands on. they like to believe in things, and that's another fact of life. belief gives hope, and even complete myths, when viewed in the light that it is the truth, will be taken. for example, pills that were duds weren't discovered till 8 years later, and this happened in China. what happened? how did those people heal? it's in the psychology. believe in something, and it will become true.

ah yes, i owe a post...

there are times when we feel we are alone in the world. happens all the time. it's because of how society works in general. people like to be in hordes. i've stated this a long, long time ago and i doubt anybody remembers, but there is a natural "herd instinct" in all of us. we try to conform to the majority. and sometimes, the majority may be wrong. i will prolly talk a lot more when i get the opportunity, since it's not 1:30 at night, and tmr i'm going to school to mug some more >_> weekend's over... time to start work again -.-"

i had a picture stored somewhere... i'll post it tomorrow, perhaps.

the after-promo frenzy

2006-09-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

ok... from the MASSIVE amount of posts i see everywhere, it seems people are somehow over-excited at the end of promos. to those who still have papers, i feel for ya =P
i don't know.. i'm not reacting at all. when the promos were looming i just studied a bit more but there really wasn't this presing pressure and over anxiety, and now it's over i don't feel the relief... hmm... must be because i ZEN too much.

what is ZEN? it's a... i wouldn't say skill... just something i "cultivated" through the years, one way or the other. basically, to anything that happens, don't show much emotion. you can *feel* emotion, that isn't a problem, but just don't show it. an impassive, or poker face. something extrememly good happen? ok. that was great. what made it successful? repeat it again. somethign bad happen? (like when i got 3/25 for math test) rage a bit internally, then start asking what happened, and how to make amends for it. in fact i think i remain impassive too much such that people don't even know what happens at times. sigh. (it's not a very good practice, by the way)

...

i have a *generally* good sense of direction. ask me a destination and i can more or less go there without a road map. ask me where's north at any time and i can point it out within 10 seconds. but this all goes out of the window in shopping districts and centres. i'm just hopeless in those places ><>< shopping's just not my thing.

oh, i didn't get what i wanted. i ransacked almost every shopping centre i found >_> a few months ago garfield the movie was out, and almost evey single corner you turn you see garfield dolls. now everywhere i go i see pooh, tigger, eyeyore, piglet but no garfield! grrrr who wants pooh bears?! in the end i went back to orchard and bought something waay beyond my budget. sigh. gonna have to scrimp and save the next few days.

and i think advanced geog last year rubbed off a bit too much on me last year... as i was going around looking for what i neededi was also kinda analysing the layout of those shopping centres. hmmm. and i didn't even know wholesale stores existed in Singapore. well it was kinda an eyeopener >_> anyway the layout of some palces are good. they kinda force you to walk through the various stores. others... well let's just say they waste space in the middle, where stores should be mroe visible, and they have stores stuck in corner, with bored assistants wonderign why there aren't any customers. NO DUH!

...

sorry, gotta go now ><

beixin, i will post about *that* tomorrow. i keep my promises

and matthew, if you're reading this i CHALLENGE you to 02 jamming session after your bio paper. hand-eye coordination very good right? prove it =P

dat's all cya.

No Sweat! Chicken Feet! Ha Ha! All The Way!

2006-09-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

ok i'm blatantly copying from the SAF here >_> prolly shouldn't be saying this either hehe later i'm the one to get retained a year >_>

i'm not gonna post long today. i got my flyff to catch up on (6 whole levels, that's gonna take me 2 days at least!) and practice my 02 jamming ><

prolly will do a long bomb post on saturday, if lucky.

hehe, signing off first. i just had to get that title out lol.

Edit: ok i jsut noticed that the bandwidth exceeded, damn. well it's resetting in 8 days so all those who didn't get to enjoy the music can listen to it in a week's time =P

final words from me

2006-09-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

tried to get a new song in today >_> apparently fileupyours doesn't seem like cooperating today. wellz, not my loss...

prolly my last post before the exams. hmm maybe it'll help with GP or summat heh. just kidding. but still, i'll keep to the point about discussing ideas only =P

i was looking through the past year papers. LOADS of them. i've managed to identify one of the 25 mark econs essays that i'm SURE WILL come out. i intend to get at least a 20 mark on that question >_>. as to the other essay, i'll think of that when the time comes. anyone wants a pointer on the questions and the "three old friends" that WILL be tested can leave a tag or ask me in school =P
and it's weird. Mr Wong says we should do synthesises, then distinguishing tests etc then last elucidation. i can do the elucidations perfectly well but flounder for the synthesis questions. i don't know what's wrong with me ><>< what's the garfield for? it's for my own personal Moeko. thanks for making life seems bright... during those few days... yea if you can find one please tell me where it is.

i had more stuff to talk, but i forgot it...kinda late now. maybe i'll edit later if i remember.

Edit: no i didn't remember, but the fileupyours server fianlyl came back on, so i successfully changed the song =P hope you ppl out there enjoy it. i've taken the lyrics out, since it wouldn't be nice for there to be another song that almost noone (including me) understand it would it now? i've only got about 125kb of bandwidth left, so if you can't hear it... you prolly have to wait till the 12th of next month =P

Edit2: i finally remembered what i missed out last night. TWO points, in fact >_> right...
ok it's rather amazing what soem bilogical research can do to seek out gender differences. it is said that in the 8th weeks of gestation (is that the right word?) hormonal effects start to take place in teh embryo. for the males, testosterone shoots through the system, making it aggressive in its approach, and a higher thirst for victories, large or small. on the other hand for females, estrogen shoots through, making it's communication skills better and more understanding. they also pick up subtle signals with regard to body language etc better. males take action better and stuff. interesting, though how reliable i'm not in position to say. still, if this comes out for the GP essay, there's at least one additional point you can write =P

and another thing... buyer products always build on the ignorance of the buyers, do they not? imagine this simple situation. a store sells a bun for $1.50. most people would think (if it's agood bun) that it's cheap and just buy it on the spot. now imagine the same bun, in the same store, with a different price tag. "cost of seed $0.05, harvesting costs $0.08, processing charges $0.10, warehouse storage charges $0.05, worker wages $0.12, taxes $0.18 etc etc etc total $1.00" even though it's only $1.00, which is cheaper than the previous $1.50, i still believe more people would buy the former. in fact there'd be an outrage "why should i pay storage charges?" "why do i need to pay for farmer's fertilizers?!" "why are we paying for your utility bills?" blah blah. it's all in the psychology.

er, right now i'm really lost >_> but i think it's long enough as it is. good luck to everyone for promos, don't worry or stress too much, and... i'll see the readers next week =D

start of (study) break

2006-09-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

hmm, thanks for the feedback. so i DO make sense. whew! for a moment i thought i was just rambling on and on >_>

right. lotsa things happened this week, yet it seems not so. time passes fast when we're focussed, not when we're enjoying things. and sue, you're kinda scary. you LIKE exams? O.o oook... have fun and good luck >_>

gp essays... i really need a structure. for some reason i can't plan essays properly. they just come. more like, ideas flow as i write, AFTER i get my intro settled. usually my strong intro is the uh.. catalyst i guess hehe. no intro, no essay. simple. which was why i had trouble with the planning today... yea..

here's a little break since we're on the subject of love and marriage (which was one of the questions today, IMO) what do businesses, war, love and the stock market have in common? no it's not that they don't involve teachers, please that joke was old'ed. answer?

GAME THEORY

took me about 2 weeks to realize that ><>_>) planning your moves according to what you think others will do. same isn't it? actually they're all about self-explanatory so... think about that a little =P

...

and yes... i was just gonna say... everyone has their little Moeko in their lives. no it's not a common phrase or what not, it's just something i coined from something i read somewhere (am i being vague enough? ^_^") basically there are things that happen, or people that do something, which pulls you out from depression, restores your faith in people. they are often overlooked, but are offered at times when you most need it. happened to me last week. not gonna go into details, but finally i appreciate why teachers say a hand-made card or a hand-written card ismroe valuable than any bought and wrapped present. after all, it is, ultimately, the thought and effort put in that counts. i still have the card attached with me. things that mean the most to you, should be put near the bed, such that you see it when you wake up. reminds you of the things that are important in your life.

(i'm sure you've all heard this story time and again but i'm just repeating myself here)
a philo prof once came to class carrying a large glass jar. he filled with to the brim with golf balls. he then asked the class "is the jar full?" the class agreed it was. he then produced pebbles, which he also poured into the jar. the pebbles, being smaller than the golf balls, rolled into open spaces. the prof then asked the class once more and they agreed it was full. the prof then pulled out some sand, which he poured into the jar, effectively filling it up. (i cut off the rest of the story because it's not relevant to what i have to say here)

if you've read the story before, feel free to skip whatever i'm saying now because i'm just repeating. for those who have not, think of the glass jar as your life. if we fill it up with all the unimportant stuff, like reputations, image and what not, we won't have space for what's IMPORTANT to us, represented by the golf balls. fill yourself up with what is important. if you lost everything else but kept the golf balls, your life remains full. keep them close to your heart, the rest is just sand.

...

i really wonder about the promotional exams... i don't think they'd outright detain us if we fail to obtain a pass grade. there should be some semblance of a re-exam or something, otherwise i'd be seeing a lot of J1s who are one year older than us, and yet i don't see a single one. so, something must be up in the spannerworks. just ave to figure out what it is.

it's 1:52 now. need sleep to study hard tomorrow. leave comments as usual please =P

P.S. it's tempting to talk more about intelligence versus diligence, but i'd be inviting flames and maybe a personal call from the ISD so... lets leave it at that. >_>

To the Observant...

2006-09-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

you will have noticed a slight change in the stuff, like title and summary. nothing much. just a quote from my foolscap pad which i thought was quite relevant and useful. this is why i refrain from discussing personal comments about people unless it's like a private conversation. rumours created have huge negative repercussions.

and no, i'm not changing the template, boring as it may look. after all, this place is like a small sketchpad, or notebook. it is a place to pen down thoughts, to share experiences. we do that on a notepad, a platform for sharing. thus it will be used here. plain as it may be, it serves it's purpose. what's the point of a fanciful webpage that takes hours to load but doesn't really have that much of a signficance?

ok... truth to be told i was rather taken aback by whatever happened this morning. in fact i'm still not clear as to what exactly happened. not that it's in my business to care, but it would be absolutely insensitive to dismiss it nonchalently. like it or not, this happens within our social circle. i may not know that person, but it still strikes a chord. one thing i wonder and still wonder: these things don't happen on a whim and fancy. there MUST have been signs. not easy to be spotted, yes, but indication will be there if one looks hard enough for it. an abnormality, a change in outlook, something. it's all very well to say so-and-so is irresponsible, does not think of others blah blah blah... do we ever take a step back and look at the situation ourselves? in fact i was quite irked at the statement: "so thoughtless, brings so much trouble to the rest of us..." VERY disturbed by it. why? the statement totally reeks of self-interest. WE expect people to solve their own problems because WE don't want their problems to be passed on to us? great "caring and understanding educators" amigo.

Besides, it's a little late to do counselling and stuff. i will see how many people remember these things by new year's next year. i will, and i'm sure that class will. who else? not sure. counselling is supposed to take place BEFORE a problem arises, it is not a means of damage control. if it is to discuss about issues related and stuff, i have no problem with it. from what i've heard though it's another in-depth analysis on how we should treat life with respect and blah blah blah. PLEASE! i want to believe we KNOW what being alive means to us. there must be a very strong incentive to think that our life isn't worth living. the point is not to stress the importance of life! we already know more than enough of that! what they need to do as PREVENTIVE measures, is to find out what drives people over the edge, and find a way to reduce those factors. i would draw a graph to illustrate, but i think i've made my point clear enough.

also, from a study of sorts, both experience and observation, i've more or less noticed a few factors that make students (well obviously i don't know about the adult world yet -.-") hate school or life in general. yes. being observant can do wonders does it not?

1. social standing. those less social-savvy like me (-.-") may not mind it much, but to be loked down, bullied or insulted in some way has a very delibiting (sp) effect on the human mind. thoughts of unfairness and prejudice start to creep in, especially when such treatment is meted out by teachers. i still am indignant over my math teacher the past two years, but i still drag myself over to make a greeting for teacher's day, even though i don't feel like it. but seriously, as the old tale goes, "when one person tells a lie, and it is repeated 1000 times by 100 men, false becomes truth" imagine being told every single day that you're worthless, that you're a failure etc etc etc. it not only kills morale, but the outlook on life becomes bleak. losing hope in the future, in life, is THE most critical thing that CANNOT be allowed to happen. you can go on and on about how life is important and it wasn't easy bringing us up. so what? we've lived life to the max, everything is downhill from here. what's the point of living? get my drift?

2. learning speeds. has applied to me since primary school. heck yes. see, in some schools learning is slower. the more outstanding ones, or the more hardowrking ones will excel at stuff. completely natural. go to one school like RJ, the situation completely changes. someone used to getting high grades are now barely passing. why? 'cause we have the IQ zing-zing 200++ ppl concentrated here. and in a gathering of talent, you need to have real substance to shine. hard work? extra tutoring? pffft. may help a bit, but isn't going to do much when people are understanding in 10 minutes what you take 3 hours on. morale falls, the incentive to study drops. the rest, as we say, is history.

the other factors don't apply to us. trying to keep it short, i won't mention it here.

but there is something weird about the school policy. yes making an announcement and all that is good but not releasing any more info or the circumstances in which it occurred... do you realise what that's gonna lead to? gonna lead to a hell-spawn off rumours, that's what. open-information is always better than speculation.

...

ok, enought about that ><>_> uh... i have about 215MB of bandwidth left. lot less of the 10-year old spammers since it's the promo period heh. that's good i guess. when the bandwidth is full i'll switch to another song. much more relevant one. actually all the songs i've posted so far are relevant... more or less >_>

and lastly... just wanted to speak of something i heard on the opening episode on a drama serial. no i don't watch them. haven't touched TV in a very long time. just happened to be at the coffeeshop we went to eat that day. and it was a great quote. first, you must understand that in each of our lives, we meet and affect more than 100,000 people. we change the lives of more than 80,000 in some way. that's a proven fact. of course, these are minimal values, so those with a larger social circle would probably see that number multiplied a few times.

anyway, ever wondered what are the slim chances of two people meeting and falling in love? the calculation turns out to be somewhere like 1 in 2.8 million. used to be less but increased with the information age and stuff. anyway, yes that statistic befuzzles does it not? treasure what you have =P. and of course, the chances of staying in that strong relationship until old age is even slimmer. i believe the percentage in Sngapore is 68%, give or take a few decimals. yes, it is hard. but it is also a long journey meant to be enjoyed.

speaking of which, nobody managed to solve the question i gave out quite some time ago? about writing that essay in 30 words? sigh... answer then...

First love: can't stop thinking about him/her
Passionate love: mother says go east, he/she says go west, i go west.
Lost Love: He/She gets married, i'm not the grrom/bride.

count the words. it was said this essay received top marks! who says you can't be concise with essays? =P

ok, it's now 2:20. gotta get some sleep. out.

first time in 9 years

2006-09-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

thanks neeti. appreciate it =P prolly save it for yourself though, since it's after midnight now =P heh i can prolly count the number of ppl who remember it on one hand. even my grandparents don't know -.-" worse part was i didn't even get to spend the day the way i wanted... siiigh. not good to be right before an exam period.

ANYWAY, hi sue. well, everything proves to be a good read, if we have the time for it. time is an elusive thing, but something we should cherish. after all, there are only a fixed 24 hours in one day. how we allocate these 24 hours is quite different though. of course, different habits and body requirements does make a difference. for me, i'd rather go without a few more hours of sleep =P

ok... now for the meat -.-"

i suppose neil humphrey got his wish... i still remember what he said in his speech that day... well sigh. i still remember croc files rather vividly. it's not that it's an especially good film or something. after all, most nature documentaries, by themselves, are rather awe-inspiring by themselves. it boiled down to his attitude. see, when someone is over-enthusiastic and over-excite, it kinda inspires. just like when you have an outdoor adventure instructor, it's always better to have a energetic one that keeps a smile all day long and literally flies about, than one who pulls a long face all day and looks like he'd rather be somewhere else.

in the end, it all boils down to attitude. especially in impromptu, when you have to come up with things fast. if you keep a confident composure and stuff, even if you fumble or stutter people won't really take heed of it. note that it's confidence here not arrogance. take things in stride, and TRY not to be overtly defensive. yes, sometimes even i get overly defensive. that's not a good thing.

keeping a cool, calm and rational head is also all-important. getting tempers up, having heated arguments aren't going to solve any problem. that's why i hate arguing with people who raise their voices, or are just arguing with a head of steam. over-attachment or being over-emotional clouds one's sense of judgement. actions and morals should be determined by reasoning and logic, not emotions. but often, emotions are the ones that rule us.

take for example. the next economic chapter talks about risk taking. heck let's not go into that yet. just say you want to buy a new... say a bag. we can look at the price, comment about it's shape or colour, whether it has enough pockets or stuff, but when it comes down to the decision to pay up, it's ultimately an instinct. there you go, "impulse buying". there's no real logical way to put it. it just is the way.

which reminds me of a story quite some time ago. i'm not sure if i've mentioned this in a previous post. you know there are shopaholics and people who jsut love to shop just for the sake of it? i don't really believe that they WANT to buy something. it's just that it takes their mond of things or summat. i'm not an expertise in this area. probably some of the girls wil help me out on this one >_> but anyway it's mainly due to financial restrictions that's why these people window-shop. if they were given a large credit, or almost unlimited credit, i would believe they would actually be BUYING things. after all, when shopping it is much more satisfactory to be trying, testing and buying things than just browsing and looking isn't it? how's this for a thought. make a departmental store, that every $20 you spend gives you a "credit card" with say... $6000. virtual money, of course. but this card can be used in the shopping centre, as real credit. you get to experience almsot everything like you really bought the things, like wrapping, like tallying up at the counter blah blah blah. only difference is that you leave the things at the entrance before you leave. so you leave like $6000 worth of things at entrance, and the staff will put it back. you get to experience all the thrills of shopping and more! whaddya think? heck, even i don't know whether it's feasible >_> just some random thought that popped up...

...

psychology is a very interesting field of study. how the human mind works. i've been reading a couple of books written by one psychologer and past-principle of i-forgot-what-school (the book's all in chinese and i'm a lil rusty) it's an interesting read. i shouldn't bore readers with the details i guess...

remember the old chinese adage for saying revenge is sweet even 10 years down the road? can't be any truer. got TWO instances where this applies.
one, when someone commits an offence at a young age, especially if there's a victim such as bullying. if you really want to be evil, don't do anything. pretend nothing has happened. more or less, that will just condemn that person, unless for some reason his hand was stayed later, and by that time it would have been too late. just think like this: at a young age, we have no idea of right or wrong, good or bad. we only know deterrents and punishments. so if you don't complain about bullying, that person will continue to believe it is all right. and since it is "all right" and he's benefitting, he will go on doing it. not to mention nothing will be done about it BECAUSE no one else KNOWS about it. imagine this goes on for years. what becomes embedded in his mind? i don't think i need to say any more.

in fact there's a story connected with this. it involves the military in China. one of the recruits was a brash arrogant *person* (i will not use expletives here) and he always wanted his way or wanted things to go his way. bullying, threatening etc were not uncommon. well, he wasn't the only one, after all. lots of recruits come in with weird mindsets or something. but the discipline is strict and all such cases, when reported, will be punished. well not too severely at that point in time. probably physical punishment or something. but no, his troopmates decided not to do anything and see what becomes of him. i'll tell you what happened. after he got transferred to the aircraft maintenance department, he got into an argument with one of the pilots. not happy with the pilot, he went to sabotage the plane, almost caused an accident too. of course, he got court-marshalled. 12 years, if i remember correctly. just think: would he be doing something so rash if he had been dealt with right at the beginning?

and another thing: the worse thing to most people, the THING that brings more regret than anything else, is to have known someone famous or influential, HAD a good relationship, but botched it. i have quite a few examples, but i don't think i need to elaborate. it wouldn't affect you much if you DON'T know a certain famours celebrity, but to have once known that person, had a good relationship that ended by your fault... it's just the pits. well, now i know what to do, especially to those who haven't been that nice to me =P payback in 30 years, just watch >:-)

that brings home another point: is it always that important to win in everything? especially arguments. heck, even relationships of the business sort. people in our lives make up what we are. so what if we win an argument? so what if we make a major deal by offending 3 people? the cost of victory is just not worth it if it jeopardizes relationships between people. but then again... almost everyone here is hell-bent on winning every single little thing. makes the world a much darker place.

that's about all i should say tonight. partly because it's now 1:30 in the morning and partly because if i make it any longer people will start nodding off reading my post XD. just thought i'd end off saying that, well, it is true that it is much harder to be a woman in this world than a man. no not talking about rights and stuff here. just in general. general, like even being yourself. not easy. how? i'll talk about it next time if i remember =P

exactly one week and one days

2006-09-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

hi beixin... errr wtv you say lor. heh. know yourself =P

my dad's yelling at me to turn off the com. but i shall just promise here to post tmr. another monster post like the last one. that's what comes of storing everything up =P um.. yea.

long break... long update

2006-08-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

prolly been wondering where the heck i've been to, eh? nar, just taking a break for promo. somehow i sincerely HOPE it's not going to be the same standard as the CT, or i'll be in deep trouble somewhere down the line. bade goodbye to friends on online flyff. time to concentrate for the next one month or so. especially since i'm like 3 chapters behind in chemistry and 2 chapters behind in math.

wasn't intending to update till wednesday, because that's when i prolly will have more stories to tell after visiting an old teacher of mine. but i have enough as it is and i don't wanna choke up. later you'll take like 3 hours to read it then don't blame me -.-"

all right, the funny stuff first. a small lil quiz, let's have a look at your creativity.

one of the entrance exams in an acclaimed university in China had this essay topic: (translated into english, of course) in as few words as possible, describe and explain romance and its process.
the entry that got a top score had no more than 30 words. let's see if anyone can beat that.

and another thing: let's say you're the CEO of a company. one particular year sales were rather bad and you know that you probably won't be able to give a fat bonus package at the end of the year. but you want to keep your employees happy, because they may skip to another job. what would you do?

ok now back to more serious and melancholy stuff. i should go in a chronological order of when i got these stuff, i guess.

It has been proven time and again that if you give someone or even an animal and explanation of what reality is supposed to be like, and suddenly take it away from them. they are likely to go mad. in fact experiments were done about this. they put a cat in a cage, and there was a button. everytime the cat pressed the button food came into the cage. after a while the cat got used to it. then they took the cat out and starved it for 2 days, after which they put it back in. but this time the cat received an electric shock each time it pressed the button. food was still provided regualrly and in sufficient quantities, but the cat broke. it refused to take any food, it curled up in a corner. basically it exhibited all the signs of a mentally-unstable or mentally-destroyed person.

keeping that in mind, why does the society keep contradicting itself? especially regarding us, the next generation? Take this from me. doesn't just apply to parents. politicians, teachers, whatever. all part of the picture. just one example should be enough to prove my point i'm quite sure you are able to pick out all the other contradictions in daily life. here: we keep being told that a materialistic society is bad, how we should look beyind materialism etc. and in the same issue or even the same speech we would hear success stories, of rich snob buggers standing in their expensive suits in front of a large bungalow or something. and parents and politicians, who would tell you in one breath that there's more to life than materialism, tell you in the next breath that you'll have to fend for yourself and that nobody's going to care about you. heck, they even tell you that to be "successful" we must score the straight As, get a high paying job, get all the signs of wealth etc. wow so consistent eh? and no don't even try to point out hese contradictions. you're just going to get slapped with the usual tirade of "your generation so ungrateful! look at us. we gave you this, we gave you that blah blah blah" i don't deny that. but don't evade my question. like i said, somewhere much earlier, the only viable reason for someone to NOT want to participate in an argument or discussion is because they have no points at all. no point of argument. DUH. why else would you not want to convince someone else?

and i was reading something about miso soup last week, and had a strange thought. isn't miso soup so much similar to our daily life and society in general? can't draw the connection? you're not thinking like an economist. heck you're prolly not even thinking.
see, miso soup is made up of the soup, and many small ingredients. these ingredients usually float somewhere on top of the liquid. they resemble table scraps, nothing much more. just like us. each of us is table scrap, nothing more. don't delude yourself that much. what would removal of you as a person impact on the society? nothing much. prolly a news report that gets smothered over by the next official statement in one week. but work with a group of others and things happen. it's the combination of a lot of different characters, qualities and a lot of other things that make the miso soup. you will never find two identical ingredients in any miso soup. next time you get the urge to taste miso soup, just remember that we ARE the miso soup.

...

ok stuff today.. reading the papers. there were a couple of mildly interesting articles. there's one in the life section about how women should eat more. and yes there's some truth in that. particularly to a certain someone who either starves herself during lunch or else eats a plate of fruits and nothing much else. comeon you're damaging your own health, something that can never be replaced. let me draw an analogy here. jap high schoolgirls wear their skirts super-short thinking guy like it, but according to a survey some years back 80% ofthe guys there are more or less not apprciative of it. i don't know what the rationale for starving yourself is, and i'm not going to delude myself saying that it's for the guys, but still, eat more. there's absolutely NO reason to eat as little as all that. i mean of course if you have a waistline the size of say... ne of the pillars in school then obviously you're in dire need of a diet. doesn't matter if you're a guy or girl, you still need a diet. but if you're of standard and HEALTHY weight then don't go starving yourself into the underweight zone. no point. i would love to talk a lot more but i might get lynched by people i know. just read the life section today i think it's page 7. won't go wrong.

and another article, this time in youthink section. as you know i don't have a very high opinion of that section, but something caught my attention today. guess what it is? STDs among teens -.-" sigh a bit too much hype about it, in my opinion. well... i suppose MOST people are sensible enough to take care of themselves... but as the article says... sometimes its hard to judge and the most odd of circumstances sometimes come to haunt us. tought luck, i guess. but it happens. but that's not the point i wanted to bring up. the article just brought up a conversation i had with yannie quite a lot of weeks ago, after bridge session. i can say with all truthfulness that i have an almost solid wall of ice built around my heart, encasing it like a prisoner. breaking that isn't easy, not easy at all. even those i talk to often, won't know my true feelings. basically, i don't open up a lot. most stuff i talk about, you can talk to me for hours and still not know my values, philosophy and stuff. the question is: how did the wall of ice form? ah, good question. i wasn't inborn with it. in fact i was quite open in the lower primary schools. but some... things... happened. if you happen to catch me when i feel comfortable enough to talk about it, then you may hear the tale.

and finally (thanks for keeping with me till the end of this very long post) there was an article in the chinese newspaper. the parents of overseas children were actually willing to camp at the scholol 5 days in advance just to secure a place for their children. i really cannot find a more suitable example of parental love than that. would you be willing to stand in a queue for anyone for 5 days, rain or shine? sleeping on the cold stone floor? sigh i'd done that for someone once. but only two days... i don't really want to talk about that. painful memories.

finally, i shall actually take time to reply to some of the selfish, immature people who posted annonymously on the tagboard. be glad i'm actually taking time and effort to do this. firstly, as i have said thousands of times before and will say again, people who hide behind a mask of annonymity are the lowliest of cowards. did you know the tagboard keeps a tab on IP addresses? swearing, defaming and other net-related offenses are punishable under the Singapore law. i don't really want to go to authorities, but i will if forced.
and anyway, what makes you think that this blog isaround to serve YOUR needs, to let you read what YOU want? you want something like that, go create your own, or go read one of the other 5 million blogs out there. i have absolutely NO obligation to post what YOU want to read. this isn't consumer-based produce, you know.

that's about all the stories i have since the last update. hope it wasn't too overwhelming.

edit: wow, i ran outta bandwidth. apparently too many ppl listening to the music heh. it'll be up again in 12 days, not to worry.

two days of sleeping at 3:30

2006-08-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty surprised that i survived through today, really. heh. not to mention i only got back at like 8:45 because my parents wanted to go out tonight >_> still got H3 econs presentation to do, and not forgetting math assignment and stuff. then there's chem on friday whoa... time is really tight. haven't even bid a farewell to friends online 'cause i'm taking a one-month break just to prepare for promos. okok i know i should have started liek 3 months ago but i'll just do MORE these 30 days then hehe.

got new music. from enya. I like her songs, so melancholic, and sometimes a lil' bit on the sad side, even if i say so myself. turn on the volume slightly, it's quite a lot softer than my last song, and there are some lyrics this time =D. it takes time to load though, be patient =P

ok today GP talk... i thought i was gonna sleep because i was so freakin tired during lunch. didn't even have an appetite to finsih whatever i ordered. damn -.-" well if i fall sick next week then i'll have all the excuse inthe world to stay home and mug eh? ehe.

yawn. going back to do econs. i keep pushing back my stories. ok they may not be as interesting as the GP speaker's, since i AM a "amateur blogger" with "lousy quality posts" but it still provides interesting perspectives. at least i don't steep so low as to use expletives. unlike some people who lurk on the tagboard >_> hope THAT message got through =D

woot i got through two renditionsof the song typing this ahaha. any comments on the picture or anything? or if you know how to post a video can tell me too! =D oh yeah, if anyone has any suggestions for the SFL, either improvements or any activities it should hold pls tell me in person or leave a comment thanks!

wow, that's a first

2006-08-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

been a long time since anyone doubted my sense of self. you don't know my name? i have no obligation to tell you. probably the only thing i can say here is that i'm the owner of this page, and if you don't know who that is then you probably shouldn't be here. but then again nothing ever gets through those thick skulls of yours, does it? might as well save my breath.

bit tired. well it IS like 2:30 am right now. still got geog to finish. so yeah been keeping rather busy and sleepless XD. didn't really want to post because it's so late but i found a good picture. well a little objectionable, maybe, but still good.

got stories to tell, oh yes, but let's leave it till when i'm thinking straight.

edit: damn, tried to add a video but guess that didn't work out. ah well doesn't matter. not my loss.
P.S. if you want to read the words on the picture above click on it to enlarge.

why's everyone falling sick?

2006-08-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

three people on thursday... 1 teacher on friday and now i heard that 2 more may not come to school tomorrow. comeon ppl, take care of your health a bit more >_> well that coming from me is a bit the... but you get my point.

been such a long time since i've been here. need to wane of flyff big time. gonna be in big trouble with promos if i continue like this >_<

sigh... i see a lot of photos on everyone's blog. and... sigh...
i... kinda... have to admit defeat i guess. some things can't be forced. i'll quietly fulfill the promise i made to my parents and get on and over with it.

but paul, pretty good reflectional piece of work =D didn't know you had it in you. ling yan xiang kan heehee.

not sure... hope i don't have to resort to the "asshole revolution" as descripted by Azrael, but sometimes circumstances kinda WANT me to do just that. dammit wish i could sort out the jangle thoughts running around. not to mention i need a clear head for tomorrow's test. sigh.

and yes, it's time to change the music. by wednesday, after my EoM thingy.

long marathon day tomorrow =D

2006-08-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

well... gotta get good sleep tonight. prolly won't get a proper rest till friday night. woooo wonder what it'll be like playing bridge on almost no sleep at all heheh.

got a couple more stuff, especially philosophical stuff... was wondering whether i should combine it with tomorrow but i guess i'll just post it today.

was watching this video in Jap Club. i must say... i seriously want to know how those people read traditional chinese characters so well... i can read them, most certainly, but it takes me like... about 3 times the time. so something i could read in a glance would probably take me ike 2 seconds. and when subtitles flash across the screen, it usually doesn't stay that long, so i miss out on a lot of stuff. well at least i fared better than benny which didn't understand any part of the plot at all. heh. best question today "are you chinese benny?" heh.

oh yeah there was this cool speech in the movie. we were wondering why none of the university people ever used it in their promotional speeches. i mean seriously. ok it went something like this:

*crowded, noisy hall*
principal tries to get attention but fails absymally, so main character stands up and approaches the podium
"silly, useless fools"
*hall quiets down instantly*
"only fit to be cheated, only fit to be at the bottom of the social ladder"
*most people start shouting, casting angry looks or throwing stuff*
...

okok this is gonna be very long. you have to watch the video to understand it, really >_> err anyway the gist of it was that the philosophy of how the society works is this: the smart people, those with authority, set down rules. these rules, obviously, are beneficial to them and no one else. they twist the rules to suit their needs. so the "non-smart" people are only fit to be controlled by these rules, indirectly being controlled by these "rule-setters". i was like "woooah... that is some great philosophy of life O.o" and he rounded up his speech by saying that you can change the social hierarchy by entering university (he was speaking to one of those ghetto schools) take over the position of rule setting, get out of being the dregs of society, stop being used and manipulated by others. whoa... come on, if someone could come up with a speech like that i'll be sure to sign up for that university. unfortunately noone did, though >_> sian...

oh and something funny: someone posted in a forum asking "what is big-hearted and forgiving?" the best reply i read so far (some 83 posts so far only) was "it's when you come home in the evening, find your spouse making love to someone else, take off your hat, say 'sorry for disturbing, please continue' and quietly close the door" hmmmm ooook. someone here is VERY forgiving eh?

back from exile =D

2006-08-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

yay my dad finally got the internet connection fixed. that's good news. well it's bad news for my studying but i don't really care anyway heheh. was bored stiff over the last few days.

there's something to be said about last-minute announcements... you truly expect people to be awake and receiving mail at 11:23 at night? gee you're lucky i'm sleeping late and check mail often. i know most people out there don't do that. you're gonna get a lot of angry people turning up for a meeting tomorrow that was postponed, i can say that -.-"

apart from that, i don't think there's much else... oh yea they started selling candy floss again. goody! candy floss's never enough. well it's sweet enough, there's one. well i know some people go around thinking i have something wrong with my taste buds because food i like is like super-sweet or super-salty. well maybe it's just personal preference, but i think more likely it's a much higher tolerence level. 'course, if i get some of those funky diet-related diseases later on in life... ah heck.

and whoof wanchee i don't exactly know how to phrase it, but you definitely know how to... yi zen zian xue. as in really see blood >_> either that or you really know how to rub salt in wounds. ow...

hmmm, nothing much else to say today. been a boring day at best. well it'll be funny to see the expression of the people when they learn that meeting's been postponed XD

let's try chaining again

2006-08-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

remember (quite) a few posts back where i was trying to make everything flow logically by chaining stuff that were somehow related together? i'll try that again today. it's the simplest way to deal with a great chunk of happenings, and chronological order is kinda old' =D

ok first talk about updating daily. it's kinda getting to be a bore, and diffiuclt too, especially on days where there's nothing much happening and there's nothing much to talk about. Not to mention that now it's even harder because of my downed internet connection >_< been trying to fix it all night and it somehow isn't working. Sue was telling me about how she started TWO posts a day but has now degenrated into once a month. wow, two posts a day... gee i don't think even i can do that kinda thing.

talking about sue, she mentioned something well quite unknown i think. was having a sneezing fit at dinner today, and she was counting my number of sneezes O.o something about "one sneeze means someone's talking behind your back, two sneezes means someone's cursing you, three means someone's in love with you" well... i'd certainly want to know where that info came from. i'd run it through the PW check, posthaste =D

talking about love (i'm on a roll here) just been reading paul's post. sigh. it's a game, is it? some sort of competition, is it? got some relevant points there but got some that made me a little uncomfortable too. sighz. not in any position to talk about those topics, anyway <_<

talking about paul, i was just relating him to a photo on the newspaper on Sunday. tell ya it's freaky how the first person i thought of was paul. the photo in question? sunday times, youth page, the part about people with hot bodies. then there was this body-builder type, full of bulging muscles everywhere (a bit too many muscles, if you ask me -.-") and when i saw the face i was like "hey, that looks so much like paul!" ooooo scary >_<

and speaking of newpaper photos, there was an article, second last page in the sunday times, about hair length and such. and one of the photos i was like "hey, that looks like cassy from the back!" errr ok, maybe i'm seeing things, but seriously that was the first thought i had looking at the photo.

and speaking of cassy, did anyone notice that the Ben&Jerry's which we went to visit her after east coast park came out in the newspapers today? i thought it looked familiar, but couldn't put my finger on it until i asked jason properly. heh semi-photographic memory, there you go =D

and speking more of cassy, today was her farewell party. well it was more like a steamboat party than anything else but it was a lot of fun. especially with sadistic paul poking at the dying crabs, or people getting startled over and over again by the jumping prawns =D and i so wanted to go to the arcade after that but by the time we ended... never mind. is anyone going to send her off on friday? like early morning 4am? well i'm going to. a promise i intend to keep because if i miss it there's not way i'm gonna make up for it.

dang, ran out of links. eh. yeah so i'll stop here. it's plenty long enough as it is anyway. oh yeah, how is the lyricless music? post a comment or something. i might want to change it end of this week or something. back to my favourite song that i still cannot understand fully ahahah.

exiled... (pt1)

2006-08-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

nothing seems to go right this week.
well, at least friday wasn't too bad. well not exactly. still quite indignant over the treatment i got at the SFL. not to mention that the staff weren't even going to LISTEN to my side of the story. well when people are very disturbed they won't listen to other comments. usually i try to keep myself out of such extreme emotional states, but apparently some people can't. well there wasn't much point for me to stick around and argue with irrational person. but i won't take this lying down. i've decided to go back on monday and make her eat her words. see if i don't. well at least i would if the class farewell party isn't gonna be held too early. if it is, i'll make it tuesday but i will go back!

H3, we still didn't do much. oh sure we were set assignments. big chunky assignments too, if i may add. and hell the case studies are so much harder, i really can't believe we're expected to finish within like 50 mins in an exam scenario. it's gonna take me at least 3 hours just to read and digest the extracts, dammit >_> well the odd thing is assignments were given but we still didn't do anything much. i mean nothing much was taught. most of the other H3s (well excusing geog i think) a lot of people dropped out. actually i kinda predicted this because most people were jumping on the bandwagon and i think most were stunned by the difficulty of the H3s. anbd i have a hunch yannie is right too. sooner or later H3 will degenerate back into S paper <_<

and then bridge... well... the new system didn't exactly work out the way we wanted it to. i think i gotta go fine tune it a bit. but it works in theory because i've seen people using it. well... think about it a little more. and then who was teaching us but M herself! XD it was hilarious. "eh, 1nt opening meh *goes to check whiteboard* OOPS too many points *proceeds to rub off a "K"*" and hmmm guess which was the only J2 that left? heheh we left slighly earlier that day. didn't want to be a lightbulb, see XD

and speaking of lightbulbs, someone's in denial. oh PLEASE don't try to cover it up when it's so glaringly obvious and almost everyone who knows you knows what's going on >_> and it's a report of truth, not slandering, neither is it spreading rumours, although the intentions may not have been good. well i'm kinda the wrong person to come and ask questions pertaining to how to relate or communicate to people -.-"

and for the rest of the weekend i was just UBER-BORED. why? simple. my comp conked out. well it's still fully operational and stuff. but the MOST important thing is not funcitonal. what's that? well it's the internet connection! something about the IP address not being found or something. damn. so basically my com is now the equivilant of a vegetable man. no games, no anime, no gmail, no nothing. i had to borrow my dad's work labtop just to type this thing sigh... ARRRGH I WANT MY FLYFF AND 02JAM BACK! if anyone knows how to re-install windows or something tell me fast. i've already backed up everything i need.

arrrgh, i hope nothing else goes wrong this week. nothing else had better. or else.

back to school tomorrow...

2006-08-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

no yannie i didn't say you were the one who was distracted. there were 4 of us playing, remember? and even they said M wasn't playing well that day. >_> but still, some things got to be improved -.-" and you still owe limin her book on 25 conventions =D

whoof, i'm really quite hopeless at HTML. good thing gordon can help me out here. heh. ah decided to post a lyricless music file. saves space and time on the loading, i think. well i hope so at any rate =D tell me what you think of it.

gotta school tomorrow, damn. not to mention H3 econs >_> got lecture essay some more and i don't even know what's gonna be tested >_< errrr well i'll just go in there and impromptu everything if i have to XD. ok, pretty bored now. been playing so much flyff the past two days i think i've kinda lost grip of reality.

i think people, especially the so-called experts and counsellors (disclaimer: the real ones, the psychatrists, NOT the student leaders -.-") are missing the point. they talk about how it's anti-social behaviour sitting in front of the com, or wonder why it is so addicitve. well i personally don't think it's the GAME itself that is addictive. it's the interaction with the people around that makes the game fun. like now, if i go on and don't see anyone i know i'll prolly go by myself for half an hour tops. by then if noone logs in then i go off for the day =D

not been playing bridge for a long time, hope i haven't deproved too much XD.

wow... that was a long downtime

2006-08-09T00:59:00.000-07:00

i don't really know what happened, either my server crashed or summat but really just cannot comeon to the posting page >_> so much for daily updates -.-"

errr hi beixin lol. getting a rather large reader base now XD.

hmmm i never mentioned what i wanted to last post. it's the time of the year where we show support to propaganda. i dunno, somehwhere in P6 i think i stopped giving support or be enthusiastic about the NDP. for some reason i really cannot explain. maybe got bored of the same things happening all the time, or just don't see the point being hyped up about it. well it may be the cause of not celebrating my own birthday since that age, but heh. it kinda rubs off.

and DAMN i missed the national day message. that one gives quite a lot of information, it's handy. WHY did it have to be this morning? damn <_< sigh. not that i think anyone i know would have watched it -.-"

got a lot more stories to share, actually, but let's keep that for a later time =D later i run out of stuff to crap then got problem hehehe.

it's that time of the year again

2006-08-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

since there weren't any legitimate posts, i shouldn't bother to reply. you can use the school coms all you want. let's see how many different IP addresses you can use. and you don't likemy music, don't visit. like i said i'm not doing this for personal glory or reputation or anything. i might be talking to a blank wall and be perfectly fine with it.

ok been playing bridge the past two days >_> errr someone's highly distracted yesterday, don't know why though. got a lot of different theories but heh shouldn't speculate. anyway i was pretty surprised that we (as in me and yannie) played quite ok. heheh only like 4 misakes the entire round, not bad.

did i mention? NUS subway is sooooo MUCH better than the subway in school. and i had like a damn bad impression of subway from the crap they offer in RJ lor. haiz, lucky yannie is a lot more veresed in subway than me XD.

errm, thinking about putting in a song without lyrics but i'll need to upload it >_> bit lazy right now. anyway, next week got national day holidays, so it's all good i guess. hehe.

Finally, done with geog paper

2006-08-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

yay, cause for celebrations ahahah no problemo, like i said. as to the quality of the paper, don't ask >_>

and to those who continue to spam on my tagboard, hope you learn lessons. in future i'm not gonna give any mroe warning, just going to ban you straight away.

hope the music isn't too loud. i dunno how to change it's volume.

...

ok anyway today was quite bad. worked on the paper until too late last night, so like kept falling asleep today. heh. that's not a good thing. better not happen tomorrow either, later i fall asleep during SPA skilll B then i'll just get owned.

errrr... nothing much else to say, really. oh yeah, the phenomenon of people taking sick leave to finish up their work continues =D well, nothing much to say, i suppose if you can keep on top of academics then it's really your choice. oh yeah talking about keeping up, the chem lectures are going waaaaaaay too fast. we're likea t lecture 14 already. i don't know why they're rushing like that. possibly to make time for revision, but even that doesn't make sense. what's the point of revising something we completely don't understand because you go so fast in lecture that we can't catch anything? sigh...

hmm, no H3 econs tomorrow. that's good i suppose heh. still can't go home early though. go play more bridge lar ahaha.

class LJ trip... to tekong?

2006-08-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

of all places... why tekong? -.- ok i shall talk about that in a minute

ok xava. i'll take you off. wondered why you wanted me to link you in the first place. thought that was odd. just hope i don't see another message asking me to link you back or i'll really get pissed.

um, yeah damn i couldn't get a stable server for the my favourite song, so i'll have to make do with this one. well it's like one of the three songs i listen to in english, so that's quite a rarity =D um... why i like it? um... that one's hard to say... um... i suppose it'l be safe to leave it at that? it's about 3 mins long, so if you wanna linger here to listen to the whole song you're welcome to =D

ok now class trip... eh tekong. eh. couldn't they have picked a better place or something? -.- anyway kinda worried about the BMT. i still need to figure out what they look out for in order to get promoted to OCS. my dad was telling me one thing, Mr Teo another and my cousins another >_> eh, dunno lar. anyway, the tests, i think i can pass basic skills and survival skils no problem. the tough part is in te IPPT (which i have no confidence of taking, much less passing -.-) and the shooting. heh i hope they open the place like 24/7 'cause i'll need a LOT of practice.

and the look on Mr Teo's face was quite priceless. a mixture of "huai nian" and "omg you mean life is so good now??!!" heh funny! and being the absent-minded person he is, he intended to send us answers for tutorial 6, and guess what he sent? the worked solutions! ahhaha it was damn funny. not to mention that some of the solutions were WRONG>_>

eh, subject rep interview feedback session. damn have to go make up for it or something. errrrr will find an opportunity, no worries.

P.S. if someone can point out the name of the song, i'll be much obliged. have been trying to know what's it's real name for a looooong time.

it was an honest mistake, really

2006-08-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

T_T really, i thought that you guys didn't have to do the econs tutorial, including question 4... miscommunication between me and Mr Teo. now the whole class is kinda pissed at me. anything i can do to make up for it?

sigh, got a lot more inspirational stuff to say, but i think today's just not the day for it. maybe another time. if i did put it up today i'll start getting clobbered by people T_T

eh? looks like the music conked out again

2006-07-31T07:42:00.000-07:00

hmmm xava eh? hmmm need a reason to link ya. not that you know me all that well and blah blah blah
*3 hours later*
all right. i won't be that mean =D but don't complain eh?

heeeey today was quite -.- doing math till 1:30 last night probably wasn't such a good idea, especially since quite a lot of people were "rushing" it today... by "rushing" i don't think i need to elaborate right? hmm doesn't matter. oh and Mr Teo was quite pissed today. think it was because ppl keep not doing tutorials. well occasionally i miss out a question or two and he complained about that to my dad, so i think you can understand how he feels abt the class omitting the tutorial. well i don't blame him. tutorials help aid the understanding of things.

oook, maybe i should move away from that painful topic. anyway, bah geog project due friday haven't even gotten it solid yet. so much to do in so little time. yawn. listening to some odd instrumental music now. supposed to calm you down but it's just making me sleepy >_> i guess it did what it said it would achieve though -.-

errr yeah, got more stuff to discuss heh. did anyone read saturday's "recruit"? there's a good article in there about sales marketing. gotta be aggressive, gotta have the knowledge, and most importantly, you have to appear confident.

oh yeah, there's a piece about leadership last week too. leaders come in two fruity flavours (XD) the "expansion" type and the "housekeep" type. you should always have two on the ball. one might be able to suffice you for some time but will eventually collapse in on himself. see, the expansionist type is that with new ideas bubbling in the head all the time. the ones that have great visions, the ones that are insightful. they are the ones who expand people's horizon, venture out into unknown territory, and are the one, when working in a company, will allow it to expand. "housekeepers" are masters at keeping things in order. just as when you keep increasing your office size, things get messier and messier, and things get lost. the "expansion" types rarely have both feet on the ground. they jump from one idea to another without much thought. so if you only have the "expansion" type of leader, you're going to see very fast growth, but you can't keep up with the growth. eventually you'll just buckle in on yourself. if you only have "housekeepers" though, you'll find that you're hardly going anywhere. sure everything is fine and in order, but you'll never accomplish anything BIG. you need both working together to produce miracles. so, if anyone is a boss in the future, you know who to promote =D

ah what else? hmmm how about the 80%-20% rule, also called the pareto principle. basically, 80% of the effort goes into 20% of the work. think of it this way: when you build a buildings, most of the owrk is concentrated on the foundations and perhaps the roofing. the stuff in between hardly counts at all. or since we're all doign PW now i'll use that as an example. the trouble initially was coming up with a good GPP. then the research was yadda yadda yadda then now it's report writing. GPP and report writing are the two biggest effort-takers. wouldn't you agree? comeon, even the presentation is easy, impromptu something on stage, practice a bit jiu can liao what right?

hmmm... ran outta topics already ahahah more tmr, i guess

AHH YEAH!!!

2006-07-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

a big thanks to gordon. heh songs are up, links are up, what else can i ask for? hmm yay thanks a lot! *kowtows before gordon* heh ok linked you as you wanted. if you get negative publicity don't blame me eheheh

SO, with the links up you can ask to be linked. but first, the rules, as always =D make sure you have a VERY good reason for me to link ya. either i visit regularly or i haven't had any bad preconceptions nor bad experiences, then i'll consider. and most importantly, ask nicely.

hmmm the music. still my very favourite from the karin series =D well not that i think anyone who visits will ever understand it, but whatever. those taking jap will know XD doesn't matter. don't need to know every song you come across right? anyway, if you know the lyrics it'll be a bit errr well not so comfortable for me =D

ok, OCC, i know you dont speak like that, which is the reason for suspect in the first place. heck, no self-respecting person behaves like that but knowing you... well let's just say i don't know what to expect >_> all right all right it's you ok? get off my back already -.-" and whoever spammed, please, my tagboard is NOT a place for advertising. you want me to link or advertise for you, you come to me directly. through e-mail or face-to-face.

...

whew, ok now moving on...
did anyone read today's paper? about the blogs gettingmore and more popular? well i agree it's getting popular, i agree there's way too many blogs, but i quite disagree with the way they put it. i do NOT think bloggers do so for fame, popularity or anything like that. well, that's for me. i can be talking to a blank wall for all i care. the key is when you look back say 10 years later and go "i once thought like that, wow" or "lucky i held on to my perceptions after all this time" don't really mind if noone reads, as long as i know my conscience here is clear.

ah yes, econs H3 is so far quite a bit of a waste of time >_> spent 3 weeks so far and accomplished absolutely nothing. no notes, no lecture, no tutorial, nothing. kinda makes me want to go NUS already. and then they dropped a bombshell telling us there's an essay coming up! damn them -.-

errrr running out of stuff to crap. weekends generally aren't interesting. oh and i found a good book in school. odd title, but good book nonetheless.
lol getting quite attached to my blog now. don't think i'll give it up unless in dire circumstance =D

just... need... someone....

2006-07-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

to... tell me... how.. to ... post... musics... and... links!

very sleepy now. fridays are always dreary. and i don't think that's OCC, but got no proof, so i'll leave it at that >_>

thought i forgot something today

2006-07-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

hi gordon. guess my forced advertising tactics did work eh?
bit sleepy now. sleeping 3 hours this afternoon didn't seem to solve my sleep deficit problems from last night. can't even concentrate properly during chem today.

trying to get a song stuck in my head. find that helps clam nerves and maybe keep you awake at times of extreme boredom. oh, and talking about songs, i don't know why but i think the general consensus is that the Ending songs are much nicer than the openings.

eh, got a lot more to type, actually, but too sleepy already. will post something logner tomorrow, hopefully.

long day

2006-07-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

long day just about sums it up. and that day still hasn't ended for me. struggling with a huge 5-person GP project with only two people on the helm. bah. silly selfish people. not like it doesn't concern your grades either. so you'd rather insult people for being fun-loving, for being enthusiastic, for being absurd but you'd rather not put any effort into doing that same project. speechless, i say. go on continue leading your sad little life, however long it may last you.

library AGM today. no not the SFL, the HML. yeah went all the way back to RI. and let's just say they scrwed it up big time >_< well it still went rather smoothly, but by our standards the coordination was horrible. zhiyong (yes, he came back and he'll be here till 1st sept) was cringing in the back seat. and due to my retarding memory, conveniently forgot to bring wallet today so had to walk all the way back home. well it was good exercise and it helps you to think things through along the way, but today's jsut the wrong day for that. all things considered. and i've been stuck here doing nothing but GP so far. haven't even touched my math which is also due tomorrow. sighz.

let's see if i can get that picture i was talking about yesterday up. cool! i did manage to. it's some little thing i believe everyone should follow. of course i cna't control your actions, but it's just the best advice i can give at this moment.

Edit: huh, can't even do math now. to sleepy. can i go off the record now neeti? >_<

all right, since you ppl can't control yourselves i have ta go manually clean up after you. shame, isn't it, 17-year old need cleaning up after. continue to do so, and we'll see where it lands you. one fine day you find yourself hauled to court, don't say i didn't warn you.

hey hey, that was an unexpected visit

2006-07-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

hi yannie. didn't really expect to see you come up here. must be skiving off PW period right? hehehe next time leave a longer message. well as long as you aren't in danger of being caught surfing "non-work-related" sites lar hehe.

all right, um, i need some help with the blogs again. need to find how to post pictures, and also need to know how to include music in the damn blog. bah. in the meantime, since i can't post music, i'll post the link. the link is actually to a music video, but you won't know the reference. well, unless you play flyff lar. so, just enjoy the flashy colours, and most importantly listen to the music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESK8zKZW2dM

yeah, and i'll tell you why this one stood out so much. it was the first thing in a long, loooong time that managed to somewhat tug at my heartstrings. don't ask me why, it just did. haven't had that feeling for so long so it was kinda unexpected. ah wellz. good to know the ice case isn't complete yet.

...

oh yeah, this happened last saturday during our interview at cat high. huihui and sherine can probably testify to everything i mention, and one of the most... unconventional things he told us, as the coach of the school softball team, was firing his best players. well ok if they perform poorly in academics, we accept the reason. if their conduct is poor, we understand. but this guy fires his players for going to J8 during their school-CCA break, and fired his best player for getting into a relationship. zomg. those of you out there watch out ahahah. *koff*koff* um... dunno what his reasons are, they may be good, but i dunno, it just doesn't sound plausible. but after going through H3 econs, i learn that a lot of things that seem completely nonsensical turn out to be perfectly logical...

oh yeah, feel DAMN good that i managed to solve that scrwed up problem Mr Teo set for us today... it was kinda confusing in the logic because it went round in circles, but a bit of thinking and you can see the flaw in the argument =D

okok, other matters: today's assembly... lol hodge jsut about said everything on my mind. so i don't have to elaborate anything more here. and there's one more point to add. for me personally only, that is. for me, respect is earned, not given. that extends more than just peers, it includes teachers. those people, like speakers, who don't have substance but go around demanding respect and silence? sorry, i don't give it. having a brilliant resume, a brilliant social circle and fantastic achievements might lead me to have a better impression, but an impression remains an impression. i wouldn't extend it any further until i get to know you, talk to you and see how you handle things.

was gonna end this with a picture, but i have no idea how to post a picture. maybe next time when i figure out how to.

EDIT: seems i have to kinda edit my postings. isn't it odd that i checked before i posted this last message and before i was done i get a whole plethora of spam messages in my tagboard? seems that some people can be very efficient when they want to. too bad this efficiency isn't channelled into more positive areas.

now, let me give you a little bit more insight into the philosophy of these childish ways. the fundamental reason for bullying and insulting stems from one human emotion: insecurity. face it, everyone will feel insecure at some time or the other. whether it's your grades, or your job at stake. now, stooping down to putting down other people in order to solve your own insecurities is the most desperate form of solutions possible. it sends out a very clear signal that you can't solve your own problems, therefore, you give other people MORE problems such that your problems seem lesser. say you get a pay cut from your boss. instead of finding out why you get your pay cut and try to make amends, you try to feel better by making sure others around you get a bigger pay cut than you did. as hodge would say, it speaks a lot about your problem management and character. well, if you're going to stoop so low as to hide behind MY name and post utter trash which people KNOW is not from me, that's ten times worse than your conventional form of bullying. i'm wasting my breath, you won't listen to me anyway, would you? i'll just leave you people to your sad little lives, and i will see, at the end of a long, long day, what becomes of you, and what becomes of me.

so it's gonna be like that eh?

2006-07-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

been hearing stuff around. walls have ears and bushes have eyes. i'm not in any position to comment about what i've heard, or whether they are even reliable or not. heck i wouldn't even want to investigate the truth about them. just make me hot and bothered, all for what?

fufufu today passed in a breeze. econs was scrwed up. i couldn't answer TWO questions but i found the rest relatively ok. serious i can't believe i forgot factor of MPC and monopoly firms. bah.

just heard that there isn't CCA on wednesday! yahoooo that means i get to go home at 12 noon! whoppee do do ahahah

and just got another econs book. damn you know some books make you stay up to wee hours of the morning just 'cause you want to finish it? well this is one of them i don't think i'll get any sleep tonight at all dammit. sigh

nothing much else to say... oh yes i just found a new good series. and another one that is a bit... er... objectionable. it's called SSS, made by the same company that made FFF what the letters stand for? heh if i posted them here i'll have the blog censured, so just give it a guess and i'll tell you if it's correct XD

i'm getting too damn OLD

2006-07-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

yeah, you read that right. been forgeting a hell lotta things lately. like posting yesterday, for instance. oh yeah, sure it's just a small thing, but all these small things add up. firstly it's about how people view you when making a promise. secondly one fine day you'll find that one small thing will go one big circle and hit you right back in the face.

PTM on saturday, have no idea what Mr Teo and my dad were up to scheming early in the morning while i was engaged elsewhere (PW) but i know taht i was slavedriven almost non-stop since my dad came back. >_< i want to know what's been going on...

oh yeah, been picking up a new game. sorry sherwin, i found something more dependable than knight online, something that doesn't kick me out evertime the server is full 'cause i don't pay hahaha. eh, it's called flyff if anyone wants to know. that stands for "fly for fun". doinky name.

did you people read the papers these two days? been reading a lot of it hehehe. can't really remember them now due to memory loss or somthing, but i can remember a couple of good ones. like on saturday, there was this full report on spouse abuse. and the sentence that kinda chilled me was "they seem ok on the outside, or at the beginning, you never know what they will turn out to be". gee, i hope neither me nor anyone i know turns out to be like that. but then again, like it says, i'll never know. heh, just in case, if i ever turn abusive or antyhing gimme a wake-up slap or something ok? i don't wanna hurt anyone =D

and yes, today's paper was rather chock-full of stuff, if you know where to look. there was this advisory column on how women take more sentimental value in dates, times, objects while men take the "huh? that happened? all right then, whatever you say" attitude. whoops. the feminine side of my mind must be stronger then, hahaha and eye for detail is what i have =D whether i remember them, heh i guess i do, better than most people. well, especially since so many people have been asking, and KEEP ASKING for my birthday. what the heck, tell you once should be enough, tell ya twice still ok, but 6 times? too much lar.

oh yeah, picked up a new word today. reading the paper lar. "negligeent" no that's not a typo, i know what "negligent" is. "negligeent" is a term for answering the door in your underwear, mostly used by ladies. heh i'd love to see someone turn up negligeently at school ahahaha. damn that's my male side talking. hush, you =D

oh, another interesting report is about women who give birth past 35 will usually have problematic children, whether it's alzheimer's or birth defects or whatnot. hmmmm. my mom's 55 this year. that makes her almost 40 when i was born (her birthday before mine) so hmmm... i think if i was born like 10 years earlier my IQ will be twice what it is now hahahaha kidding lar. but it kinda does explain my memory losses. maybe alzheimer's coming in liao ehehe. 40 years down the road if i don't recognize anyone, do jog my memory a bit k?

was just thinking about pressure. pressure makes some people crumble, like a rock. it makes some people into living gold, like diamonds. does it matter what pressure it is, or is it the individual handling that makes the difference? i'm not in a good position to comment, i think. sighz.

ah yes, about CTs. well it was quite the wake-up call i guess. i still can promote holding on to all my subjects. there are some ppl who can't. jope we'll all work for promotion by the end of the year. remember, you cannot afford to have more than 2 Ss or even a single U if you want to keep your subjects.

hmm, and replies, yes i almost forgot. excuse me, the principle of education is such that "no child is denied the chance for learning". i'm not causing anyone inconvenience by being in the session, in fact i know of people who need to be there but would rather not be there. so tell me, why do i not have the right to attend it? just my luck i'm caught up on some of those days >_>

pretty late night

2006-07-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

yawn, don't really feel like posting but i promised it's a daily update barring technical faults, and besides i kinda hafta rish PW anyway. so might as well use the break time over here.

i don't even wanna talk about school today. nothing much went right. scrwed up chem spa, maybe i'm getting a 5/8 or something. then GP was bleh... then CV we barely did anything. oh teo was damn funny again as usual, but only to those sitting in the front row lar! HAHAHAAH dammit i still can't stop laughing thinking about what happened. HAHAHAHA

*coughs**clears throat* erm... yeah, then lib duty >_< then H3 econs, which was ownage. damn i'll NEVER in my existence called "being alive" will ever draw the connections these mad economists draw, andyet they're so simple and logical! here, try finding the relation between abortion and low crime rates, as well as the relation between beauty pageants and drug dealing. or even try to analyse how much people value your looks. can money really not buy love? eh, don't ask me to answer that.

bridge, meh. not playing that well today. then was SUPPOSED to go for dinner but everybody deserted and ended up only me and yannie. talk about, what else? class matters lar. um, i don't think it'll be very nice repeating what we said or even making a reference or anything so i'll leave it as "class matters" =P

and then on my way back met an old teacher-mentor. well i couldn't recognize her, she did me though. maybe i really never changed much over the years. heck, if you looka t my sec 1 photo i bet you can recognize me within 20 seconds. same ol', same ol'. old faithful, maybe? hahaha

eh, i've got lots more to say but i'll leave for tomorrow. time is now 0028 and if i don't start rushing i'll never finish the EoM nor get any sleep -.-

dammit, second time i lost posts due to technical failures

2006-07-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

bah, all that long passage i typed about opening ceremony yesterday was lost. bah. i'm NOT going to repeat myself here, all i'll say is that they sent me to usher in a very stupid place (canteen back gate? wth? as if anyone's gonna come from there!) and that kinda fell asleep before pack-up time, so by the time i woke up we were nearly done =D less work for me, i'm not complaining ^_^

eh, ok, today... i dunno what's the fetish about copying answers. it happened in RI, it's happening here again. and the worst part is some ppl copy wrongly -.-" that aside, there's seriously no point copying blindly lor, not like we're going to be able to sit beside you during exam and let you copy our answer right? the understanding is key. after that you work out the stuff yourself. not like we're not willing to teach either, you know.

can't really think of much to write, tomorrow prolly will be a DAMN long day. almost like last week, except exchange "chem tutoring" with "library duty" and you have thereabout it. ah yes, talking about personal tutoring. dammit i didn't score THAT well for CTs, how come none of the teachers are willing to include me in their "extra programmes"? i have a right to be there. triple B and ES should be able to get me in any supplementary class lar! wah lau... what's wrong wif those ppl >_<

ah, one more thing, yannie you didn't have to reply to my message ya know. but i'll read your reply =D actually it's quite an amazing feat that you can read my handwriting but ^_^"

too sour, eh?

2006-07-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

just suddenly found that a lot of blogs i used to visit have been missing. did you guys take them down or what? no time to post? dunno, sorta miss the fun and fervour. hope this blog thing is not just a passing fad or something. that'll be really sad, since i intend to continue posting on this. ah wellz... can't force ppl to do what they don't wanna do.

and about the title for today. yep ife's been too sour lately, not because it's suddenly depressing or anything, just that i've been eating too much vinegar =D go brush up your chinese if you don't getit XD anyway, yeah since like 2 weeks after CT, been eating viengar everywhere. first get the cold shoulder treatment for some people i thought i knew well, then getting owned at CT's, then watching ppl get accomplishments -.- um, yeah the list goes on. and just this last week... well i don't wanna talk about it. i'll just say that it's time for me to move on, and i wish someone all the best. happiness is meant to be passed on, even at the cost of your own.

on the bright side, there are two things: one is that i can finally provide an answer to yannie's odd questions that day. yeah, thought about it for 3 days 3 nights, so now can give answer liao hahah i take questions seriously. another happy thing is that i managed a "B" on my GP paper. woohoo! and here i was worried sick whether i could pass it because i took the paper with like a 38 degree fever... was sick the next day too. yep, so i get my triple Bs plus the SE... quite ok lar, until someone made me eat more vinegar by telling me her double As >_<

this entire week is packed, as if last week wasn't enough. sigh. life goes on...

grrrr... feel stupid now

2006-07-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

thinking there was chem tutorial tomorrow, i faithfully went to complete the halogenoalkanes tutorial, then looked at the timetable and found that it's math lecture tomorrow. damn i feel stupid. 2 hours of work well not wasted but could be put to use somewhere else... grrrr....

heh, after that MONSTER post yesterday i don't really feel like posting much today, so i'll keep it short. math, everything in my head lar. as in i know how to do the questions but when it comes down to calculating the stuff i think i'm gonna die hahaha. chem is ok too. just with the phrasing. and i still need someone to help me copy geog notes on wednesday.

dammit last week was a damn long week and still this week is still so damn long. got library opening ceremony, then got bridge inter-school, then ALSO got PW to do. dammit i need a break. i want to get back before 6 sometime this week. gee, is it that hard?

yawn, too tired. just thought of something amazing for GP. maybe that will save YJ's butt. bit late for that though hahaha. we'll see how it goes. hopefully i didn't miss anything important.

well, that was a surprise (long post, be warned)

2006-07-16T07:24:00.000-07:00

er, before i start, chih hung could you please post your blog address to me again? i seem to have lost it when i cleared all my cookies and i can't reallt remember it. sorry.

ok, yan gui zen zhuan (damn why does blogger not allow chinese characters?) toaday's class outing was... odd. so few people came, but it's the the usual few this time around. in fact the usual few were missing! one was sick, one "didn't feel like coming" one got grounded, etc etc. ok i can understand the circumstances of those which they cannot control but "don't feel like coming"? wth?? and i don't think you're that good at kite-flying either >_>

hahahah talking about kite-flying right, i think we're like some noobs at it lar. went to buy kites, the first store gave us a price of $2.50 per kite (we're talking the cheap ones lar) i was so disgusted with that price. comeon, the last time i bought them one dollar apiece. ran ahead of everyone else to some provision shop, and found that they sell it at 10 for $6. wahahah. don't even need to bargain liao hehe. strings were standard rate, $1 per roll (short ones. the 2,000 feet ones are $8 O.o)

then came the hard part. kite-flying. ok we have absolutely no idea what the dickens we were suppsoed to do. firstly the kites were, well, DIY kites. i mean all the sticks and paper was there, but we had to more or less tie the strings ourselves. first thing tie wrongly liao -.- so some helpful dude (well old man actually) tied it correctly for us. then we tried to get it in the air but we kinda failed. horribly. so we had to go qing ziao (ask for help) from dear old sensei which helped us tie the string before. and this guy is PRO. within like 3 minutes he had our kite at the end of the line! ZOMG. out of curiousity we asked him how long he's been flying kites. the answer? 30 years. zomg again. we just keep getting owned by these people >_<

the sue brought this gigantic kite that we have absolutely no idea how to fly. actually, it's supposed to be used in damn windy places, and like run with it one. so well, it dodn't really suit our purpose. never mind, eh? at least me and yannie managed to learn how to get the kite up in the air. heh i even got it to the end of the short line! muhahaha accomplishment! i dunno how many others were able to do it but i guess not many.

after that they decided ("they" as in whoever's present from the, well you know gang...) to go pay cassandra a visit, so go all the way to dhoby ghaut. um... yeah, that's where i used to live. woohoo! hey i can even see my old flat from the bottom of the shopping centre, which i think once used to be Yaohan. Tania thinks Yaohan is off to the left, but i think that building is it. (did i mention the tania and yanfen look DAMN alike today? i'm serious, except for hair length if you look at them from the back you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. When we got there cassy's shift not on yet, so we have to wait like 20 minutes. what did we do? spend our time in some funky gallery and the adidas sports shop. go in the shop for WHAT i don't know, anyway was watching someone play XBOX. and DAMN the graphics are superb.

ok, ben and jerrys. we all had hot chocolate and coffee. who am i kidding? it's an ice-cream parlour, dammit. ended up sharing some triple scoop thingy with zy. heh been too damn long since i ate ice-cream liao. and apparently i don't know how to "enjoy" ice-cream, as zy keeps reminding me. what "drink water after you finish the entire ice-cream"or "don't eat dinner after ice-cream"... whatever lar. i'm not that ziang jiu hahaha

and then dinner! dinner and BK's. and i'm like i don't like Bk >_< never liked any sort of burgers before, in fact. not even the cheeseburger from mac's, which i eat occiasonally because it's the only thing i can finish in 10 mintues XD. anyway, got a fries and onion rings. and spent the time talking about stuff like height, T-shirt sizes and online games like neopets. what the hell do ppl still play that? well i do, but only occasionally =)

and on the way back yannie started asking me these like damn weird questions lar. i seriously don't know how to answer you, man. eh, you answer them yourself, then maybe i'll consider answering them.

woot this is turning out into some damn long bomb post. still got three more sub-stories to tell before i sign off =D

...

first sub-story. kinda reminded during GP when skirt length was suddenly brought up for some reason. forgot that reason but anyway i have a very lasting memory about that that was brought up again today. see, i think it's no big secret that i watch anime quite regularly (ok i've not really been doing that lately but wtv) and at first i thought that the ppl in Japan are quite deprived or something. well at least the producers are. i mean they make the female uniform so... well... short. and so i thought. until our jap club was visited by 7 jap school transfer students (they have since transferred back so don't bother looking for them) and um, well let's just say we thought they were taking the opportunity as transfers to flout school rules as much as they please. turns out no. see the *standard* length for them back in japan.. ok this is hard to decribe. lemme try... from the bottom of the butt area (meaning like the lowest bit of the anatomy you can consider the buttock region) add three finger-width (meaning put three figners together and the total width of those three fingers) and that's just about the hem of the skirt. most of us started (well the guys, at least) to roll our eyes while the girls were like covering their mouth or retching. yeah i find it hard to believe to until today. 'cause a couple of these japanese ppl got on the MRT today, and althougth it's not school uniform it is THAT short. i'm like, don't talk about sitting, how do you even climb stairs? zomg they must be damn pro of something lar -.-" don't even want to think about it.

second: did you read the papers today? about abusive wives and meek husbands kind of thing? well they were discussing why so few of these cases turn up, and they were trying to pin it on a few reasons, like reputation or image, but i think none of them got even CLOSE to the right idea. see from what I think, it's jsut that the law and constitution gives too much rights to women. comeon, if a woman wants to convict someone of rape or something, and sticks to her story, the chances of the guy getting away are like less than 1/5. same with this. lay ONE finger on your wife or say ONE abusive word, and it's bye-bye cold storage for the next 5 years AT LEAST. and if you try to convict your wife? hahahahah i will shake your hand, pat you on the back and tell you "good luck".

last (finally): actually i read this yesterday but since i posted already couldn't be bothered. was reading YJ's post (did i mention the YeJie is a damn big SPOILSPORT? comeon lar, opportunity to nearly score full marks for a GP project and he's being so stubborn XD) about various scandals nearer CT's? i know the reason why. it's because ppl like us are gullible enough to respond to various pleas of help from others who like slack half the year and go "oh noes, please help this person in dire distress because i suddenly find i don't comprehend almost everything i read" and being the KIND people we are, we oblige, we teach, and sometimes, we manage to make them pass. and after the CT's (or promo's) it's back to "ok, exam over, to heck with the results, let's have fun" ALL the way until the NEXT exam period, where it's again "oh noes, we need help!" sigh. what to do?

woot, you finally made it to the end. lol hope you didn't fall asleep reading all this.

-.-" nice "create post" page

2006-07-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

damn, even this page is giving me problems, won't load properly. bah. nothing much going right today.

H3 econs: read at least one books a week, and they gave us four books right off the bat. i'm so sure i'm gonna be able to read all those lar... ay i'm not some candidate trying to get his masters degree lor please. i'm just a lowly JC student trying to mug other subjects as well...

oh, and class outing tomorrow? got half a mind not to go already. well i'll still probably drag myself there on yannie's account (in chinese, "kan ta de mian zi shang") but if i get anymore of a *certain* load of taurus (tm) i swear i'm gonna storm off. had enough already.

...

got a couple of stories to tell today. first one is some funny thing my dad's colleague related. you know some cab drivers are damn talkative? yeah, and usually i don't mind them, but i guess it irks some people. so this guy was returning from some late night feast "xi jiu" and the driver almost started a conversation as soon as he got in. "you know xxx international organization carried out a survey, and Singaporeans are like the unhappiest people on earth, why do you think that is so" (i'm translating this from chinese, so if it sounds a bit wrong then i'm sorry) so this guy who doesn't really want to talk snapped back "get in the car only $4.80 already, will anyone be happy?" (well, plus night charges, plus call charges yadda yadda) well it's effective. the cab driver shut up after that =D

2nd story, this one involves a bit of math but it's pretty entertaining too. also translated from chinese since i heard this from some storyteller when i was in china -.-"

there was one person A in a room, and there were twelve mosquitoes.
12 / 1 = 12
A couldn't take it anymore.
so A called in a friend, B
12 / 2 = 6
that's much better.
but the situation still can be improved, let's call in C
12 / 3 = 4
here comes D, this is getting lively.
12 / 4 = 3
now everyone's happy.
oh wait, here comes E.
12 / 5 = ??
so the four of them told E to stay out.
"piak*piak" E killed two mosquitoes
10 / 5 = 2
now the mosquitoes can be shared equally.
"piak*piak" E killed another two mosquitoes
8 / 5 = ??
everyone thought E was a troublemaker, so they chased him out.

and there you have it, division from china! come to think of it, it's a great lesson to use if you ever need to teach division to primary schoolers =D

gonna hate fridays from now on...

2006-07-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

friday's schedule is jam-packed. like damn, except for a one-hour lunch break it's brain-power all the way until 9:00 at night. school officially ends at 2:00, then it's Mr. Wong not-so-private tuition until 4:00, then econs H3 until 6:00, then bridge until 8:30. WOW great day huh?

was speaking about a certain issue with Sherwin and Preston during lunch, and brought it up again when going home with yannie and annong. (heh, sorry to intrude on the privacy there ^_^") seems like something i posted on the class blog with the help of sue MUCH earlier in the year holds out. what it is, it's "sensitive" so i won't say here.

yeah, and the resolution i made a few posts back... quite a lot of people have beaten me to it. i try, i really try to mix around and avoid sticking to one group, but some factors prevent us, people who are willing, from doing so. no it isn't something like "you can't force conversation" or "we have nothing much in common" anymore. it goes much deeper than that. i was gullible enough to believe it once, i won't do so another time.

...

was reading the newspaper this morning, and right across the front page of the"home" section is about the skeletal remains they found. it's sad isn't it, to have someone leading such a secluded life that she isn't even missed by anyone! i wonder, if i disappear for some reason, would there be alarm? would anyone miss me at all? some questions i don't dare to answer, but i suppose it will reveal itself one of these days.

maybe i shouldn't be putting so much effort into helping others anymore then, looking at the way things go. self-centredness is a fault of human beings, but what choice is there when kindness and helpfulness is always being repaid with being ignored, being insulted, and others? heck, there's even a chinese phrase "gou pu mao zi - duo guan xian shi" for it. the situation causes the fault in humans, not the fault creating the situation.

final result: SEBB

2006-07-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

damn, cannot form any good acronym with zis.. ah whatever lar... still waiting for GP. maybe can form my SEAB with GP ahahah no way lar...

lol, jason teo talking with each of us this morning, dunno what he told the others but he told me i have a good head for econs and i should go for the A, barring stuff like the case study, of course. damn i still quite pissed off at that case study. total injustice to our standards >_>. i was like, if i have a good head for exons, then there must be thousand and one geniuses at econs. -.-"

ANYWAY, heh, like i said, i teach something, GURANTEE at least a pass, correct? hahaha i kept my promise. next step.. what's the next step?

okok i may need to mug a little more, but i don't think it's the mugging that's the problem. as Mr Wong told me, i have the content, i have the understanding, i jsut need to put it down in words. for some reason my ideas don't get across well enough... bah,. like chem paper, all the content is there but no marks. damn...

okok, let's see how things turn out on sunday for class outing. remember to be there, especially the forgetful ones =D

what a mess...

2006-07-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

i must work on my expression a lot more. seems i have difficulty getting my point across without it being misinterpreted. i sorta figured out people might think i'm attacking the council OR the council members, that isn't what i mean. sigh. and people DID misinterpret me. what a mess...

i have NOTHING against both these parties, neither the council nor any members concerned. i'm just stating what i'd observed since sec school, and after hearing the recent grouses of someone i decided to post it. i had to use a general term because i didn't want to be pinpointing names, now did i? what other general terms is there to use, "someone who recently had some authority"?

sigh, i hope that clears things up. intended to post this yesterday but fell asleep. er, wil update something later, after dinner

they get a half-day tomorrow??!!

2006-07-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

life is uber-unfair. i jsut heard that RI lessons start at 11:00 for those who opt to watch soccer at night. whatuf, if lessons started at 11:00, never mind the later dismissal i would be like damn happy lar... why doesn't RJC have that kind of policy, eh? student welfare, y'know.

bleh, another lazy day. raining the entire afternoon so couldn't go out. i think my mom wanted to buy something but the rain washed out the plans... so spent the day playing again lar hehe. getting quite proficient at 02jam now...

also been trying knight online that sherwin introduced. lol it's not too difficult, and it's repetitive but i've already quite a reputation there. no kick lar, gimme something difficult to play, that's where the challenge is =D

nothing much else. see everyone in school at *sigh* 7:45am tomorrow i guess.

I give up, dammit

2006-07-08T01:55:00.000-07:00

arrrgh, pulling out my hair already. i'm definitely not suited for psychomotor stuff. some people can tap two different beats at the same time, i can do that to a certain degree, only when the beats aren't that far apart, like 2 beats a second on one hand and 3 beats a second on the other. i've been trying for the last four hours to complete dratted "jingle bells" on 02jam, and i've been failing miserably... grrr. um, try this. tap a steady beat of about 160 beats per minute (about 2.5 beats per second) and tap the tune of "jingle bells" with your right hand. and no smarty-pants, you don't slow down the tune >_>

um, ok i shoudl use this opportunity to catch up on the last few postings i missed. where should i start...

library then. library is like undergoing this HUGE renovation for opening ceremony. bet you will notice the difference if you go there. been folding and threading paper cranes at least 5 hours consecutive on saturday, and another 3 hours on friday. my origami skill'll prolly go up, but i wouldn't count on it =D. oh yeah and there are a lot of china scholars in the library. they have too much time, methinks. and my senior told me when i speak in chinese i tend to have the china accent. weird, no one every told me that before and i never noticed before. next time i speak chinese or whatever (like, a complete sentence lar, not one or two words) you make the judgement for yourself.

on the topic of paper cranes, remember when i said someone folded 1000 paper cranes? apparently the correct bumber was 1320. don't ask my why that was the number but you really got to take your hat off to that kind of dedication and patience. i'm not sure i can do that myself, although i probably wouldn't do something like that ^_^" and then there are the paper stars, too. 1500 of them. i've folded paper stars for some CIP before and it's really painful. no it isn't those you make with construction paper, it's those made from straws, woven in and out, that one. boy, 1500... i know what to put on my wishlist now =D not that i think you should make that kinda thing lar... i wouldn't know how to react =)

and econs paper, ok i didn't really want to discuss about it, at least i think i still can get my B unless they scrwed me up for my essay as well... huh. even if i make a lousy exam candidate at least i make a good teacher. for a *really* bad failing grade to a 64%. am i good or what? i want to collect a favour, man.

some interesting conversations i picked up on my way back home from school, since i have to pass by two other schools before i reach home. no i'm not going to post it here because, well, it might be used against me and let's just say the statement, although generating immediate laughter, is quite embarrassing and i haven't found a counter for it yet. no it's not insulting. when i find a good counter i'll post it here and you'll see what i mean ;)

right, results officially back next week. i'm HOPING for a BBCD but most likely i'm going to get a BDDF.

end of week 2

2006-07-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

or hey, i keep thinking it's week 1 for some reason, probably because i already used to exams being in term 2 heh. anyway, played enough to more than make up for the holidays this past weekend.

i've managed to make some ppl very pissed off at me. no it's not anyone i know in real-life, it's got something to do with some online strategy game. and i suppose they don't like my style of play =D

um, need to dash. maybe tomorrow i'll post longer. really need to go now, sorry.

so late...

2006-07-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

what the heck? who is this? identify yourself please, and i do NOT take kindly to people who spams the tagboard behind a screename AND making false adverts. remove yourself please.

bah, dumb internet went down just now so now i'm so freaking sleepy that i can't post properly. i think i had a lot to say but can't be bothered right now...

oh yeah, econs test paper was dumb. what the heck, we're supposed to answer something the question never asked for? no it wasn't even implied, as what the teachers claim. nonono there's a large difference between IMPLIED and NOT STATED. if you're going to say everything is implied then each answer will be 7 pages long because as long as any topic has the slightest relevance to it it has to be included. that is not logic. that's just authoritarian rule (i.e. i'm right, you're wrong)

too sleepy to post anything else. will make up for it tomorrow.

today's NOT friday, there's SCHOOL tomorrow

2006-07-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

the odd swap with friday timetable keeps making me think today is friday dammit. and i think preston has the same problem, thinks there's no school tomorrow... gonna get in BIG trouble if we don't remember this by tomorrow...

oh yeah, had a stuffy nose this morning. it's not much of a wonder, since my nose is sensitive. sensitive to what? ah, there's the catch. no it isn't pet fur, nor dust, nor any of the aforementioned stuff. oh no, we figured it's rain. go figure! i didn't believe it at first but it seemed that everytime i had such problems later in the afternoon or in the evening it would rain. odd. the odder thing still was that today was a totally rain-less day.

speaking of breathing difficulties, my mom and dad were talking about their experiences in Tibet. you know, the high-altitude areas more than 5000 m above sea level. from the way they talk i don't think i'll last there. everyone has different tolerance levels, but my dad didn't make it past 3 hours and my mom was nauseous once she got off the plane. damn if this has anything to do with genetics i won't be able to go there either -.-"

waiting for the 02 jam server to come back up, i think i'm waaaay too hooked onto it right now. heh can complete difficulty level 8! YAY!

term 3, day 1

2006-07-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

gee, time slips through our fingers like grains of sand. can't believe i've already passed 1/4 of my life, and not having accomplished anything much neither... bah. as i quote calvin from "calvin and hobbes" "oh no, it's one hour later than it was half an hour before!"

hmm, new timetable. and i have to say the new timetable IS NOT GOOD. two periods of geography back to back??!! and why did they put econs H3 on friday??!! dammit seems like i'll have to give it up. and i was working so hard for it too T_T

actually i fully expected to start getting our CTs back today... i mean they had the whole weekend AND youth day to mark... lazy teachers. heh just kidding. i know they have a lot on their plate right now. but they've been dropping hints all day, and none of them sound good. ok i know i screwed geog, and i was hoping to get a decent grade for econs, but by the sound of what they both said i think i'd better start a crash course before promos...

oh yeah, i found a new game, quite hooked on it right now. ok this isn't the best timing but i just found it, so heh no choice. actually i got introduced to it when i just went on to gunbound out of boredom. wanted to see if i had any skill left over. "dao lao jiang bu lao" hahah anyway, as i was saying somone who was playing me introduced this thing to me.

um, imagine the DDR machine, OR the parapara machine. now imagine that instead of stepping on panels or moving your arms, you hit buttons, everything else stays the same. that's about it. i think in China it was called Rmix revolution or something can't exactl remember it. well i was pretty good at it in China, could clear the intermediate stage (but well, anyone can get good at it after blowing at least 200 credits on training =D) so i thought i should try it out on the home comp. and let me say this: although the mechanics are exactly the same, playing on the keyboard is SO MUCH HARDER. i'm still stuck at level 9. gee...

oh, the name of the game? 02jam. it's some malaysian thingy, so naturally *most* of the songs are in malay. but hey, who cares? just means that i have another foreign language to add to my collection of songs which i completely don't understand (tm) =D

ok, out.

repost

2006-07-03T05:16:00.000-07:00

gee, it didn't seem well to have my only post for the day super-short and super-not nice, so i had to repost. anyway, to the people concerned, i guess things must seem different or over-exaggerated when i describe it. but then, "in" people usually never have problems with social lives. someone once asked me why people should be bothered to be "in" ? i have the answer now.

feh, anyway, chih hung i finally figured out what hiatus means. hope nothing happened to you. gotta improve my vocab, lots.

oh, i got a very funny e-mail that slipped past my spam filters. i'm serious. just don't take the contents of the e-mail seriously though... they're what you call... sleazy, i guess. =D

message received: 14:23
Good day to you bro! The good news are that this obstacle can be overcome by you, the real man. You will become her best partner ever - she just won't be able to leave! No anguish, just adoration.

gee, these people do go overboard with this stuff don't they?

...

and to make up for the uber short post i'll post a short story out of the entire cache i have here. inspiring, philosophycal, tragic... i leave it up to you. alternatively you could just take it as another story.

seven birds once lived in a forest. each bird had it's own tree. every morning at 7 sharp the birds would sing in sequence, starting from the first, the Do bird

"Do, Do, Do..."
"Re, Re, Re..."
"Mi, Mi, Mi..."

then disaster struck. The tree in which Do's bird made her nest was felled. Having lost her home, she bade goodbye to the woods, not before passing on her song to her neighbour, the Re bird. now every morning, the Re bird goes

"DoRe, DoRe..."

and every time the remaining six hear it, they wonder what has become of their good friend the Do bird.

Some time later, Re's tree was also felled. Bidding a sorrowful farewell to the woods she knew so well, Re passed on her song to the Mi bird.
...
And today, one solitary tree stands in the middle of the park. and those who get up early can hear a slow, sorrowful tune everyday at 7 in the morning:

"DoReMiFaSoLaTi
TiLaSoFaMiReDo"

A/N: i had it translated from chinese. doesn't have the same impact but i hope i did a good job.

want a zero sum game? fine!

2006-07-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

keh, and i wasn't feeling all that bad today either. great way to put a dampener on things eh? like i said lor, doesn't matter if i'm not wanted or anything. what bothers me is ze funky excuses, AFTER i get interested in it. all right, next time i won't bother at all. that will make you happy doesn't it? i think it would!

sorry, i'm waaaay not in the mood to post anything else. don't even feel like posting in the first place but since someone wants me to get out of the picture so badly, fine, i will. happy now?

another boring day

2006-07-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

hmm, still as boring as ever, but for some reason i'm a bit more lively today. weird? dunno. i think it's just personality heh. short down-times, and high the rest of the time =D

ok, i need new games, i think. but mostly my taste is quite different from the rest. i prefer games that are more complex, those with a steep learning curve. actually this doesn't just apply to computers. anything i do is kinda like that, i think. see, the brain degenerates when not in use. it's always good to exercise it and use it to the max. using it to think at like 10 thoughts a minute is good stuff.

and talking about games, been too long since i last played anything. not as proficient with the ones i used to be good at. need a lot more practice =D but ah, that's life. c'est la vie, ma chere.
on note of foreign translations: sherwyn! i'm gonna get you! translate something properly for me next time please!!!

and yes, i was promising a review yesterday... hmm better get to it. and before i start i want to send out like a plea for help, 'cause i really need to know how to link as well as how to add funky stuff like music to the blog yeah? thanks. leave a comment or something if you can help.

...

Love Love?

Summary: Ooizumi Naoto gets the oh-so-entertaining job of doing the "extras" filming during the production run of some film which title eludes me. that's all you have to know. cue to the pantsufest, as i can quote

Storyline: what? sorry, word does not exist in this show.

Character: boring, perverted male lead? check. huge base of girls? check. character stereotypes? check. loads of um... you know, and panty shots? sigh... check. yep, it's a harem anime all right. and a very VERY overdone harem at that. the characters are ALL largely stereotypical so there's nothing much ot say. what we reviewers hate the most is stereotypes... and we get that here... just read on, read on.

Music: they added a nice touch to the opening music, i think it's called a "cannon" or something... you know, where they have one person singing, then another person cuts in, then the first person cuts back in, and so on. quite creative, i thought. well that is good, but the lyrics have something to be desired. i mean, it's not that they were bad or anything, but just a *leeeetle* bit too perverted. and i actually went to translate it not knowing what it was... bleaugh. ending song was a biot more serene but still perverted as ever -.-"

comments: i think the producers must be on crack when they developed this series. either that or they thought stuffing a male lead into a complete harem (yes, i use the word harem) and giving him more than enough bathroom shots, breast grabs and panty shots to induce death by nosebleed would be very entertaining to the audience, which i must note at this point, is definitely NOT. what the heck, i think it more painful to the watcher to watch the female cast appearing out of nowhere, tripping all over the place or jumping down from higher vantage points. no, just NO

conclusion: well, get it if you're in *THAT* mood and need something pervy to watch. otherwise i would suggest not even touching it with a 10-foot pole.

got nothing to do today, so watch anime and review tomorrow

2006-07-01T00:44:00.000-07:00

like i said, today is damn boring. too boring for words. want to know how bad the situation is? i got nothing to do, so i tried playing some com games, and the only one that kinda worked was asteriods. yes asteriods, the 1959 game from so long ago. i need SOMETHING to do dammit.

ok replies first. eh, thanks for the reassurance, but... it's kinda hard to accept after some time already. i mean once i've lost faith in something, which rarely happens, sorry, you're going to have to do a LOT of work restoring that confidence. besides, on that day itself i got enough hints to leave, and i took it. didn't notice that i was the only one that left, and didn't notice what i told tania and the rest when they came rushing up too, i suppose. well ignorance is bliss, i guess. but still, i'd have been much happier if i was given a straight response rather than subtle hints. but ok, since you claimed it just wasn't well planned, and just because it's coming from you, i'll give ya'll the benefit of the doubt this time.

at any rate, it's good you got over your problems. i'm not a top-rate counsellor, so i can't really give advice on what to do in a situation like the one you told me some time ago. well, from the way you're interacting and having fun with people again it seems you're much better. that's good. no point mulling over one person or one thing.

have nothing much else to say (sorry if today's post sounds depressing) so i'd stop here. if i have nothing to do tomorrow again i guess i'll post another review, although not many people like it. what to do?

ho humm...

2006-06-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

i'm seriously running out of titles for these everyday entries, especially when nothing much happened. ok there WAS something today, namely the library workshop thingy, but that was a farce indeed. 1 hour of seminar thingy, that's all. the rest of the time we were slavedriven into decorating the library... oh, and here's a hint: stay out of the library this weekend. just trust me on that one.

i guess i should start from the beginning. interview first. tha went well. not too bad, but i guess there were one or two awkward moments especially when he started talking about smoking and drinking and who was the recorder but the alcoholic himself =D

yes, yes the workshop... ah... yeah it's something about servant leadership... something that's been done thousand and one times, but every time, something changes. they make it interesting, or there's one new bit of information or quote you can pick up. the rest of the time... time to practice sleeping with your eyes open eh? but i did pick up one or two god principles of life.

i have to apologize at this point for giving wrong advice some time earlier. ok it's not technically wrong but it's not healthy social relationship. i like their philosophy: "you cannot control their action, but your reaction is your responsibility. respond to others with blessings, and in time, all will come to respect you."

it's good advice. i plan to TRY and follow it from now on. of course it isn't easy, as someone in afghanistan (they tried to hold the seminar there too) pointed out "my neighbour killed my brother! how can you expect me to give him my blessings?" yes, it's often hard to do so, but think about it: if you're going to retaliate, it's going to be a zero sum game. in the end, everyone loses. what's the point?

and another point they brought up, about being good listeners. ok i'm not too sure how well i'm doing on the listening scale. i need some feedback from the ppl around me. i know i'm definitely not listening at home but then there's so little in common talking is difficult. i want to know how i'm doing with others. am i a good listener? or am i trying to impose my views on others a little too much?

...

all right, enough about the seminar, i guess you could go attend one of those anyday. after lunch we got down to work making paper cranes and threading them to make a chain. my fingers, aren't really suited for that kinda stuff, i think you need small dainty hands for that or something... anyway the person beside me was telling me how in secondary school her classmate (i highly doubt ANYONE who knows the existence of my blog will know either of these two people) made 700 um... i forgot.. it was either stars or cranes or hearts or something. anyway it's those little little stuff that you can put in a jar as a gift. HAND-MADE, mind you, and presented it as a gift for someone. (no don't ask me any more about them. was told to keep mum) whew... i had trouble after 40 or more crans and that was the medium-sized ones. 700 of the smallies... i respect that person's passion and patience. i guess receiving something like that... i wouldn't really know how to react, i guess.

oh and last note: no class outing? DAMN i'm gonna be bored on youth day. bored youth on boring youth day = BAD!

It's over... it's all over...

2006-06-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

right, i thought i forgot to do something today, lucky i remembered to update. after all if i make a claim saying that i'll update daily i'd better stick to it unless i have a really good reason or something.

math was... meh... ok it wasn't "omg what is this don't even recognize anything" hard, but neither was it "oh ok i can complete this no problem" easy... i left i think 8 marks blank... pretty good for my worst subject, actually, much better than chem, at any rate.

then there WERE plans to go out, but i guess it got scrapped. and while i turned back for someone the whole group took off without me or something. dammit mebbe you guys didn't do it on purpose, but still it's not nice to leave ppl out.

got a pet peeve here. i hate to be stuffed up with excuses or "omitted". if you're holding an outing for a group, and i'm in the group but you don't want me coming along, tell me straight, please. i don't want to be given excuses, or not told at all. i don't talk much with people, fine. i don't know someone that well, fine. say it straight. don't make one big circle. i hate that.

still got a large wound on my foot. how did i get it? i gouged it when i heard *someone*cough* was trying to backup their caluculator using the CD by itself without plugging in the GC. hit my leg on the chair so hard a chunk of flesh was removed. yeah it was that absurd... oh wellz.

if there's anything on saturday or monday tell me pls. and i'll be in library whole of tomorrow, likely. thanks.

eye of the storm

2006-06-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

right... five cents to you if you know what reference the title has. and no doesn't apply to geog students =P

sorry neeti, i think you're posting on the wrong blog or something... when did i ever mention 5 dollars? you completely lost me there...

hmm, ok i shall be short and brief today. sorry about not posting yesterday but i didn't want to post anything depressing. suffice to say it was a total disaster but ok that's over all over.

i think the key in past exams was that at least i had something to look forward to. they put geog and history right at the back, two strognest subjects for me so i could look forward to the end of the exams. but now they gave me my best first and my worst at the back.. just killed my spirit... sort of... yeah... you know what i mean

poor yannie ringing everyone up trying to get ppl to go for concert... not much chance, i think. good luck bro, you'll need it.

and before i go (told ya this was short) here's 12 rules of life i found pretty effective heheh time for a short break from studying eh?

# 1 Murphy's Law
When you least want anything to go wrong, the probability of something going wrong increases.

# 2 Anthony's Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

# 3 Kovac's Conundrum
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

# 4 Cannon's Karmic Law
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

# 5 O'brien's Variation Law
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

# 6 Bell's Theorem
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

# 7 Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

# 8 Willoughby's Law
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

# 9 Zadra's Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

# 10 Reda's Rule
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

# 11 Owen's Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

# 12 Howden's Law
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

have a fun day, all!

one down, three to go

2006-06-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

all right, that's done with econs, throw away one file, got threemore to mug hehehe.
right, i was quite tempted to talk about the test almost immediately after the exam, but someone once told me that it was very bad manners, especially to those who didn't think they did that well. so yeah, i resisted that urge. talking about it here doesn't seem to make that much of a difference, i think, since not that many people frequent it and it's more likely not going to offend anybody. two people absent today, wonder why. hope the rumours aren't true...

hmm ok the case study first. was quite tricky, but i thought i answered it quite satisfactorily except for the last 10-mark question. can't believe i totally left out the long term thing... need my eyesight checked. had like... 6 minutes left over. quite a good pace, i think. but then again it IS the first exam.

the essay... heh that one was funny. i looked at question one and was like "nah, definitely not" then looked at question two and was like "HEY! wasn't this the question i predicted? i was right!" ok so it wasn't exactly as what i had predicted, but if you can answer my question you definitely can answer essay question 2. no problem, like i always say.

not much else to say about econs, i hope everyone had a good time. well maybe not everyone looking at their looks on their faces. can pass one lar. we were joking this morning at how difficult the paper was gonna be and this popped out: "later you receive your script and it says: oh you failed, but you ranked at the 80th percentile of your cohort anyway" heh, so don't take it too hard, we're all in the same situation.

and to a certain someone: remember, if you manage to pass econs or chem, i'm collecting my tution fees eh? i'll be waiting for it heheheh

after the CT's maybe i'll post my thought about the current anime i'm watching (ok i shouldn't be watching but whatever) which left me VERY disturbed, i mean _really_really_ disturbed. you'll see why on saturday =P

the calm before the storm

2006-06-25T06:57:00.000-07:00

tomorrow's the big day. the one we've all been waiting for, the last test for half the year =P ok i think you get my point. and from the looks of it quite a few people are getting worked up by it. all right, so i shall stop posting about mugging and post random stuff instead. not that i did any of it today... today's strictly a rest day. better going into the exam hall with a clear head than anything else.

dunno why, but Mr Sithu's two horrible pick-up lines just suddenly popped into my head sometime today. those were soooo bad i think they're permanently burned into my cranium. don't ask me what they are, i probably won't tell. go ask zy.

and i hope someone managed to solve your... outside and emotional problems. don't think too long or hard about stuff like that. makes you more depressed, that's all. ask me how i manage to keep a happy outlook on life, gee that one's easy. concentrate on the happier things and forget the not so good ones. and about relationships, i guess i forgot to impart this piece of advice: when deciding whether to relate yourself to one person or remove your connections totally, use this as a gauge: does the person have enough good points so that you can overlook the minor bad ones, or are the bad ones really outstanding and you cannot stand them? after answering these two questions, i guess the answer will be pretty clear.

and about decisions, i have something else to say too. no matter how we say, our decisions are always based on some form of instinct or another. for example, when a person goes out to buy a car, he may make a decision based on several factors, like the price, the colour, the capabilities, how he will look to his friends etc etc. but when the time really comes down to sign the agreement, these things are discarded, or more like, they form an excuse for the final decision. it's all still based on instinct. which is why first impressions are important.

okok my dad is yelling at me to mug some more. i should stop here. and anyone who wants to come do some last-minute mugging, please look for me in the library, 3rd floor 9:30 am onwards. i don't want to spend the last hours muggin alone, please.

thought i wasn't gonna post today? just a bit late, that's all

2006-06-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

feh, feel damn cheated today. went to buy koroke at J8 coming back from school, and only today they tell me that you can buy 3 for 2.40! dammit i've bought from them at least 4 times this month, and they tell me only this TODAY? i feel like lodging a report to case or something...

hi neeti, don't really see you around much. oh, and i'm sorry if i made you stressed because i'm posting about my studying, seriously. just that that IS the most obviosu thing everyone is doing now. comeon, if you tell me that you aren't getting much studying done there's no way i'm gonna believe you either. but heck, 5 dollars says you'll beat me at least in two subjects. wanna take up that bet?

hmm, and i think a guy called Azrael is actually quite accurate about one thing. who he is and what he is right about, go figure it out. that shouldn't be too hard =P

nothing much left to say from me. spend the last day well. and sleep early... i think i should say "tonight" now.

hmmm... grouses aplenty

2006-06-23T07:57:00.000-07:00

attendance for econs lesson today was actually quite surprising. i expected some 7 or maybe 8 looking at attendance of chem lesson but i guess i was wrong. hey, it's all good. do keep coming.

got plenty of grouses today. first one: when you make an appointment, at least make sure to keep it... if you are gonna be late or can't come, make an effort to call or contact. this bad habit's been going on for 3 years and i hope to put a stop to it this year. do we really need to lose a big opportunity or offend someone important before we learn a lesson? i hope not.

anyway was mugging in library again. what else? and i think my body's trying to give me warning signals. here's a tip: when you really can't absorb anything anymore for 5 straight minutes, stop whatever you're studying. i don't mean laziness or not being able to understand. i mean the words literally start swimming in front of you. that is like the final warning your body gives to take a break. and it's not nice ignoring it. happened to me in sec school. i wouldn't call it mental breakdown, but i don't know how to describe it. all i remember was that i had a splitting headache for 3 days straight, and during that time i couldn't think for a long period of time. so yeah don't try.

so when i got the warning, went off for a walk. went back to RI library, haven't been there in a looong time. too bad Mrs Ho ain't there. and they were doing some weird stuff, i think some LTA display... do they really take us for fools or something? well the RI ppl, i mean. sigh, can't wait to see their reaction wehn school reopens. the read a ... very interesting book before walking back. total time wasted was about 40 minutes. guess that's good enough.

then was looking through past year papers. ok i can handle the chem, i can handle the econs quite ok. then the math i'm in deep $hit. can't understand most of it. that's bad. very bad. then a look at geog tells me i definitely haven't been mugging enough. guess i know what to spend m weekend on now...

did anyone read or laugh at the jokes? if you did, leave a note so i'll know to post mroe of the stuff when i get them.